Seeing anything romantic is painful

[BlueButterfly111]

I keep seeing couples and people that I grew up with in relationships and in love. I don't mean to sound bitter or anything, but it's so painful to see that. That was supposed to be me and him but now he's gone. It is always a painful reminder of the love I once had and lost. We were so in love, that was supposed to be us. I guess I should be grateful that I got to experience love before tragedy struck.

 

[sadalways]

I feel that so much, i see anything romantic these days and it makes me feel pain that i can't even explain, except i haven't ever felt what love is like. I know it's not healthy but at the same time i can't really help it.

 

[TheOneFreeDude]

It's curious. After being alone for so long, and having been traumatized deeply by past relationships, even though I'm in a relationship with the love of my life (if it's not her, there's no one else, she's perfect in everything), I still feel that. Even moments that should make me happy and satisfied just make me be afraid it'll end sooner than I can say "soon". I feel like subconsciously I prepare myself for the worse and that stops me from feeling what I should be feeling in those moments.

L., if you're reading this after my head goes to shit in those train tracks, know that you're the most important little thing I ever had, and the best thing to ever happen to my miserable life. I love you more than I love myself and the world. I'd kill and die for you. No conditions. If there's a hell, I'll be loving you from there. You're not to blame for ANYTHING. ANYTHING at all. I'm just a failure and I'm so sorry for that. Please don't have the same fate as me. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Sorry for the rant, I'm drunk.