second time i failed at jumping, i am such a suicidal failure i am to be condemned to live a life of agonizing misery and suicidal ideation

[unnormal9]

instead of an actual suiciding. this is why i am ostracised from every community; i say i'm ready to die yet i get there and don't do it. i am a pathetic suicidal failure

 

[StolenLife]

Don't blame yourself. Suicide by jumping is hard and SI-inducing. Maybe it's not a method for you, and that's okay. You are not a failure and we for sure won't ostracize you.

 

[HopefulSleep]

Maybe you could choose a method that doesn't need as much willpower as jumping.
Overdosing would need the least willpower but depending ob the substances used it could be non lethal.
For inert gas you need your own apartment or a good place to smuggle it to.

 

[depressedlover]

Don't blame yourself,suicide is not easy as it seems.Most of us here would be long gone.It comes with lots of challenges like inaccessibility to easier and painless methods,SI also makes it harder than it already is.

 

[unnormal9]

Don't blame yourself. Suicide by jumping is hard and SI-inducing. Maybe it's not a method for you, and that's okay. You are not a failure and we for sure won't ostracize you.

in the eyes of alot i am seen just as he described; a failure in circles, can't even kill himself. well i'm sorry but it is not easy to do this, no matter the method i have.
its hard because of the pain associated with dying. i don't like pain and i know its going to hurt so it keeps conflicting in my head and driving me crazy.

 

[PoisonousPotato]

hi, ik the psychological stress it represents to try it. it's awful.

also, you shouldn't have to be "good" at ctb. none of us should. we endure all that fear, pain and loneliness because society doesnt give us any alternative. it's not your fault, it's society's, and you shouldn't be so harsh on yourself.

 

[unnormal9]

Maybe you could choose a method that doesn't need as much willpower as jumping.
Overdosing would need the least willpower but depending ob the substances used it could be non lethal.
For inert gas you need your own apartment or a good place to smuggle it to.

hi, ik the psychological stress it represents to try it. it's awful.

also, you shouldn't have to be "good" at ctb. none of us should. we endure all that fear, pain and loneliness because society doesnt give us any alternative. it's not your fault, it's society's, and you shouldn't be so harsh on yourself.

i'm not trying to but when i repeatedly fail a method or even back out what am i, just a talker. but i am not just, i want to but the pain is resisting me, i don't want to feel the pain of dying.

 

[DazaiKinnie]

instead of an actual suiciding. this is why i am ostracised from every community; i say i'm ready to die yet i get there and don't do it. i am a pathetic suicidal failure

If it makes you feel any better, I failed 3 attempts until now and maybe a 4th one that is coming soon(At least we are in the same boat with failures at least). I do feel the same about mine. Maybe try another method? Like CO poisoning and SN? Try something that needs less willpower.(idk, I hope this comment comforts you somehow)

 

[WorthlessCoward]

Get on my level, I failed three times and two of those cases I was high and drunk

in the eyes of alot i am seen just as he described; a failure in circles

Yeah my uncle tells me to stop feinting and jump already

 

[loverfromhell]

you're definitely not a failure, you're trying to do something very brave and difficult in the face of a cruel and uncaring world, at least that's how i view it in my mind. i'm so sorry for the pain you're experiencing, i wish there was an easier way

 

[just_so_done]

suicide is not a simple task of thinking you want to die, figuring out a plan and simply executing it. There are doubts, fears, complications, etc. This does not make you a failure and I for one think no less of you. I think you were brave for trying something that scared you even if you didn't go through with it. We are a community here of people who understand how hard ctb truly can be and the amount of suffering so many of us face. I know this won't provide comfort just know many of us have attempted or tried to attempt and yet we're still here for the time being. I'm sorry for your struggles and I truly hope you find the peace you need.

 

[EmpathyMinded]

instead of an actual suiciding. this is why i am ostracised from every community; i say i'm ready to die yet i get there and don't do it. i am a pathetic suicidal failure

You're no failure. You chose not to act. Take some time out to reflect on all that, but please don't beat yourself up about it. Thinking of you for what small amount it's worth.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I feel like a failure too after trying 3 different times to use my SN and not being able to go through with it. It's hard to tell if it was a lack of confidence in my ability to do it right, or just me being afraid in general, but either way, something was stopping me, just like it was for you.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. Suicide isn't as easy as pro-lifers like to pretend it is unfortunately. It's probably going to be the hardest thing we've ever done for most of us. Jumping on its own is scary, and that just adds more anxiety and fear to it than it would for something more peaceful.

 

[unnormal9]

If it makes you feel any better, I failed 3 attempts until now and maybe a 4th one that is coming soon(At least we are in the same boat with failures at least). I do feel the same about mine. Maybe try another method? Like CO poisoning and SN? Try something that needs less willpower.(idk, I hope this comment comforts you somehow)

I'm trying different methods, but the ones that have the least pain are the ones out of reach (no way to obtain it). I have a very low pain tolerance.

you're definitely not a failure, you're trying to do something very brave and difficult in the face of a cruel and uncaring world, at least that's how i view it in my mind. i'm so sorry for the pain you're experiencing, i wish there was an easier way

Its that I want to stop being a burden; to myself now.

I feel like a failure too after trying 3 different times to use my SN and not being able to go through with it. It's hard to tell if it was a lack of confidence in my ability to do it right, or just me being afraid in general, but either way, something was stopping me, just like it was for you.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. Suicide isn't as easy as pro-lifers like to pretend it is unfortunately. It's probably going to be the hardest thing we've ever done for most of us. Jumping on its own is scary, and that just adds more anxiety and fear to it than it would for something more peaceful.

It was such the fear of, no a conflict of, can I endure this pain | am I ready to endure this pain, whether it was jumping or even SN. I know i am but that pain causes resist because i don't like pain, im in enough everyday and trying to add excruciating pain without knowing how long that will last is tearing me apart.

suicide is not a simple task of thinking you want to die, figuring out a plan and simply executing it. There are doubts, fears, complications, etc. This does not make you a failure and I for one think no less of you. I think you were brave for trying something that scared you even if you didn't go through with it. We are a community here of people who understand how hard ctb truly can be and the amount of suffering so many of us face. I know this won't provide comfort just know many of us have attempted or tried to attempt and yet we're still here for the time being. I'm sorry for your struggles and I truly hope you find the peace you need.

my doubts and fears, come from the level of pain i've never experience the physical pain, but with all the peaceful ones out of reach, i only have jumping left, i know overdosing is no reliable.
and of course when asked is there something else making me stay alive, no, but its difficult because it is nothing but a faux reality; a coping dream, no i only awake everyday because i its hard to force my feet off the by jumping and get it over with. i want to be done already.

You're no failure. You chose not to act. Take some time out to reflect on all that, but please don't beat yourself up about it. Thinking of you for what small amount it's worth.

reflect on what? i have no one, I have nothing that is tangible otherwise. I was my mind in a state of dreams did not exist, and I had a higher pain tolerance level to get this over with already. everyday i wake its dread, pain, and decay.

 

[thecolourgold]

Look into the night night method and see if it works for you.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly hate how it's so difficult to exit this world and I understand that it's so horrible feeling trapped in this cycle of endless suffering. Jumping scares me as a method personally, it really should be easier to leave, this world where we are denied the option to pass away in peace undeniably is hell to me.

 

[unnormal9]

I certainly hate how it's so difficult to exit this world and I understand that it's so horrible feeling trapped in this cycle of endless suffering. Jumping scares me as a method personally, it really should be easier to leave, this world where we are denied the option to pass away in peace undeniably is hell to me.

I cannot explain this level of agony everyday unable to do it because of pain associated with it.
Can't do this.

Look into the night night method and see if it works for you.

I could not do this method.

 

[Cryptonite]

When you are there, do not treat your fear as failure. Everybody has it, including all people who have been successful. Instead, acknowledge it and accept it. This will paradoxically decrease it.

Also, treat suicide and death like something normal. According to statistics, a minimum of 1 person every 30 seconds commit CTB. There are 2 deaths every second.

 

[annxietty]

Oh, like everyone says please dont feel like a failure, doesnt matter how many times you try and end up coming back, whoever judges you deserves no attention, deserves nothing... When I read your post about jumping I thought that you were so brave... Please dont feel ridiculous, so many people have failed or stopped before starting their method, and personally Ive never thought of them as failures or ridiculous, I always thought that they were brave, because you face your pain and search for a solution... Many times I couldnt even do that much... The people on this forum are proof of how difficult is to leave this world... Suicide is not easy... Hope you find some way to find peace, but please if you end up coming back after saying you are going to ctb dont feel ridiculous

 

[unnormal9]

Oh, like everyone says please dont feel like a failure, doesnt matter how many times you try and end up coming back, whoever judges you deserves no attention, deserves nothing... When I read your post about jumping I thought that you were so brave... Please dont feel ridiculous, so many people have failed or stopped before starting their method, and personally Ive never thought of them as failures or ridiculous, I always thought that they were brave, because you face your pain and search for a solution... Many times I couldnt even do that much... The people on this forum are proof of how difficult is to leave this world... Suicide is not easy... Hope you find some way to find peace, but please if you end up coming back after saying you are going to ctb dont feel ridiculous

I've been trying so hard so long to get it right. I wish it wasn't so physically painful to do.