BasqueClown
Zirkua ata heriotza
- Jun 9, 2022
- 121
I told some details in the first post about my life then it's the second part
PEOPLE LESBIAN VIOLENCE EXISTS as well in the hetero relationships.
Context:
2018, I arrived Brazil to my dreamjob, hurray, after struggle a lot in my country origin (Spain), as a "premium" spanish teacher because a recommendation letter from my college professor
Well, it seems... fine... I mean Brazil has some issues as every country but compare when my distress in my family because I was afraid to come lesbian here even the LGBT rights here I prefer to move out (I'm still in Brazil)
Well, december 2018 I met my now ex, I was a shy girl in a rock/metal nightclub and she arrived me and chat a lot, she was tall (1.72 m / 5,6 ft), red fire hair, hazel eyes, some tattoed but no percing, I like her at first glare
I was doubting because I had some dates with another woman recently and I didn't want to broke the heart of the another date but definetly I decided to accept her
After this line I refer my ex as "Barb" as her second name
Well Barb was a good person in the first months of the relationship, I got my first sex was amazing, seem dreaming girlfriend since I tried to had girlfriends in my past but no one stayed with me more than 2 or 3 dates
She was from rich family, she was a "risk manager" for an important company in the same district that I worked (We took lunch every day together 2 blocks away), and she had their own apartment (Actualy from her grandma but subrented to her). She got me clothing, jewelry, a notebook more powerful than mine... and I was submissive to her because of all that kindness, even whe marched toghether in pride parade
Well in november 22 2019, in our favorite park she proposed to me and I accepted inmediatly without meditating, I was really in love, I improve a lot because her, from my portuguese (Who helped a lot to got more feedback with my students), and she proposed to fix the wedding date in september 5 2020, her birthday and I was "okay!" and I moved to her apartment in december... we got our christmas and new year eve together with some friends of her in their apartment
Well as I didn't have to pay rent I started to saving that and part of it to pay back my family for my moving out here... I think that it was an error to move with here early because Barb started to request that I got out with her and came back with her (Even I had my own key), I didn't saw that jelously conduct... I forgot her, because sex was amazing and I had all kind of good food and she paid a vacation in February 2020, the pandemic was in the news but here in Brazil wasn't took seriously
Well, march 2020 arrived and the pandemic was a serious issue. My spanish class was suspended until further notice but "You don't got laid off, take it easy" wrong. Because I was a I level teacher, I was fired march 23, and most of my colleagues return to spain (Basically I was subcontracted by Spanish council but I wasn't diplomatic status), yes, I had unmployment check for 3 months, I had some savings... and I had a fiancee. So in some part I was devastated, but because pandemics and because I really loved her despite some angry issues, I decided to stay in Brazil because my marriage and I took pandemics like the "last proof" of "love can got everything"
She didn't lose her job, Barb started home office and in the first months I was ashamed that I can't find the same amount of students (Obviously, economy was fucked in all country), but she comfort me that I didn't need to worry, she supposedly didn't request money to bills and food. I was relieved, and at the same time dissapointed because agreed that wedding will be postponed for obvious reasons.
June 2020: Barb gradma (Apartment owner) died of covid-19. She was really devastated and I promise her to stay with in her mourning. And after august 2020 things started to gets worse.
I don't know if was a lie or not, but she told me two things: that 1) in order to save her job she agreed to salary cut and 2) since grandma died, supposedly her aunt started to request more rent (e.g grandma request 1000 dollars and Barb's aunt 1500) and also the bills of building mantainence, gas, electricity and water got huge (Because I lived in a high class neighborhood) so she asked to used some of my savings to pay all that.
When in december 2020 my money got out, I didn't find job and pandemic was in a difficult stage, I started to feel depressed and ashamed to her. She told me no worries. She started to yelling me after holidays and january 2021 had our first huge fight and even the neighbors called the security guard and next day we recieved an advice letter from administration but I didn't want to lose house and food, and I was even more submissive to her
And nightmare started, she didn't let me sleep, I made all meals, do cleaning and laundry chores and ocassionally (WHen isn't goverment request to lockdown) had some dinner time, but monday to friday I was basically not her fiancee, her maid.
Well march 2021 and we had another huge fight and again administration building warning about a fine if we discuss again. Barb blamed me a lot. She called me that I didn't gratefullness her effort to give me housing and food, that was her huge love and she supposedly had lots of proposals for another women (Narcissistic as fuck), and she denied for me.
My birthday march 5 comes and was a some "peace" between us. Barb bought a cake, alcohol (But supervising my glasses), and her friends. It was... okay... but some friends of mine suggeted to broke up and I started to
In march 13, I got drunk enough (obvious reasons) when she got outside to do some family issues. When she find me drunk in the table, in sometime I dropped the wine bottle and I blemish the cushion chair, a chair who was from her grandma since 50 or 60 years and that all fancy, and she got mad mad mad
I told police that I remembered two things: instead to yell to me, she bite heavily for the angry and took me from my neck (I'm a short girl, 1.49 m / 4.89 ft 45 kg - 102 lbs), and she put my face in the wet cushion and whisper all kind of rude words, including "You ruined my grandma chair!", I was dizzy for the wine and she tightened my neck and the second thing that I remember she took me to our bedroom and I remember a huge slap and fell to bed
Well two days later I made the police report online when she was out to resolve some job issue in the office and I was devastated enough to eat, do the chores or even take the bath. She was harsh to me and denied affection after that "as a lesson". And in that moment around 11 am or 12 pm my suicide toughts peaked (I had in the next day of my abuse), and I don't know why I started to search in Internet hanging... and I found some BDSM 3d art porn site that JUST have an entire section called "Asphyxia fantasies" and mostly consist of naked women, handcuffed in the air and some pics was gross enough like this 3d men masturbate and ejaculate in the near dead bodies of hanged women. I don't know why I stayed in the site, the death desire was stronger, and I saw that I called the "doom pic"
That "doom pic" as a naked woman, in a kneeling foward position and with a death face. I wanted to do the same (I didn't found this forum or any "Partial" or "how to hang" only that website) and for some reason in my rush thoughts I decided to take my life
When I found one of Barb scarf in the closet, I started to figure out some knots for that. I tried to pull the scarf for the closet tube and I felt nothing. I tried another knot and not feel nothing
In some way I guess is the despair to be dead before Barb became back I figure that I can use the bathroom door, so I go to bathroom, throw the other side of the scarf to the door, close it (I was in bathroom side) and I started to feel disconfort ....
I kneeled first time and I didn't find nothing, I tighened more the scarf and started to feel some inflamated in my neck... and then I kneeled
I didn't faint or black and not remember what seconds passed, I guess at least 6 and maximum 15, but when I kneeled the second time, I started to feel some dizzinesss, and then a ear ringing started and don't feel my arms and legs and I was shaking... I don't know if was voluntary or reflex but I stand up again, ringing continued and when I realized that I feel death early opened the door, took the scarf away and I cried a lot when I recover my breath
Then I was rushed to arrange again the closet, put some makeup to cover my neck redness and started to do the chores
Well, Barb came and she congratulated me for the work... and she notice my sadness, and "what happened?" and used the excuse that it was since a year of my laid off. She noticed my makeup but no word of that
I started to go to job interviews and, in first time she cheered me up, then when I started to came late to house (Because I was in 2 or 3 interviews in a single day in different parts of city), she got mad again. She accused me to look for a lover or something and broke my promise to marry her (After my attempt hell no), and took my hand and talk bullshit about the ring and the huge effort to mantain me in the pandemics. Well, when I was in the second round of interview in my actual job, she got mad again and she didn't like that I will took that job. That it was a low wage (it is, but low is better than the hell that I had with Barb) , that she was "talking" with some manager to find a position in her company with a lot of benefits and stuff (I suspected that it was as JANITOR because she started to go to office 2 or 3 days a week), and blablabla.
I was decided to broke up all and accept the offer. Since it was in home office, I only needed to take the company notebook and accesories and go away, work for any metropolitan city. The last play that Barb tried to retain me that she had a "nightmare" that I was dead in an assault in my current city, she cried a lot but I didn't buy that
I ask for an Uber to bus station and I throw into ground the wedding ring and said a huge "Bitch" (My restriction order was in process after my second police report, but I didn't want to wait for it) and took my cab. The security guard of the building helped me to not being harm or something (since she knew about our fights).
Well, in retrospective, I would be dead if I did the "partial" in a right? way? and only for a doomed woman that she is: rich, with this or that degree and diploma.... "beautiful" (I don't deny that, I will not doxxing her) and she played with my innocence and kindness.
I blocked her for all social media, created new social profiles and change number, then I didn't know about her again
I'm still reconstruct my life but only when I go away for that apartment I started to realize all the bad things
I'm still debating between death (Because of trauma) and recovery, but I'm still with no plan
Also I want to denounce her someday in court but isn't my priority now
PEOPLE LESBIAN VIOLENCE EXISTS as well in the hetero relationships.
Context:
2018, I arrived Brazil to my dreamjob, hurray, after struggle a lot in my country origin (Spain), as a "premium" spanish teacher because a recommendation letter from my college professor
Well, it seems... fine... I mean Brazil has some issues as every country but compare when my distress in my family because I was afraid to come lesbian here even the LGBT rights here I prefer to move out (I'm still in Brazil)
Well, december 2018 I met my now ex, I was a shy girl in a rock/metal nightclub and she arrived me and chat a lot, she was tall (1.72 m / 5,6 ft), red fire hair, hazel eyes, some tattoed but no percing, I like her at first glare
I was doubting because I had some dates with another woman recently and I didn't want to broke the heart of the another date but definetly I decided to accept her
After this line I refer my ex as "Barb" as her second name
Well Barb was a good person in the first months of the relationship, I got my first sex was amazing, seem dreaming girlfriend since I tried to had girlfriends in my past but no one stayed with me more than 2 or 3 dates
She was from rich family, she was a "risk manager" for an important company in the same district that I worked (We took lunch every day together 2 blocks away), and she had their own apartment (Actualy from her grandma but subrented to her). She got me clothing, jewelry, a notebook more powerful than mine... and I was submissive to her because of all that kindness, even whe marched toghether in pride parade
Well in november 22 2019, in our favorite park she proposed to me and I accepted inmediatly without meditating, I was really in love, I improve a lot because her, from my portuguese (Who helped a lot to got more feedback with my students), and she proposed to fix the wedding date in september 5 2020, her birthday and I was "okay!" and I moved to her apartment in december... we got our christmas and new year eve together with some friends of her in their apartment
Well as I didn't have to pay rent I started to saving that and part of it to pay back my family for my moving out here... I think that it was an error to move with here early because Barb started to request that I got out with her and came back with her (Even I had my own key), I didn't saw that jelously conduct... I forgot her, because sex was amazing and I had all kind of good food and she paid a vacation in February 2020, the pandemic was in the news but here in Brazil wasn't took seriously
Well, march 2020 arrived and the pandemic was a serious issue. My spanish class was suspended until further notice but "You don't got laid off, take it easy" wrong. Because I was a I level teacher, I was fired march 23, and most of my colleagues return to spain (Basically I was subcontracted by Spanish council but I wasn't diplomatic status), yes, I had unmployment check for 3 months, I had some savings... and I had a fiancee. So in some part I was devastated, but because pandemics and because I really loved her despite some angry issues, I decided to stay in Brazil because my marriage and I took pandemics like the "last proof" of "love can got everything"
She didn't lose her job, Barb started home office and in the first months I was ashamed that I can't find the same amount of students (Obviously, economy was fucked in all country), but she comfort me that I didn't need to worry, she supposedly didn't request money to bills and food. I was relieved, and at the same time dissapointed because agreed that wedding will be postponed for obvious reasons.
June 2020: Barb gradma (Apartment owner) died of covid-19. She was really devastated and I promise her to stay with in her mourning. And after august 2020 things started to gets worse.
I don't know if was a lie or not, but she told me two things: that 1) in order to save her job she agreed to salary cut and 2) since grandma died, supposedly her aunt started to request more rent (e.g grandma request 1000 dollars and Barb's aunt 1500) and also the bills of building mantainence, gas, electricity and water got huge (Because I lived in a high class neighborhood) so she asked to used some of my savings to pay all that.
When in december 2020 my money got out, I didn't find job and pandemic was in a difficult stage, I started to feel depressed and ashamed to her. She told me no worries. She started to yelling me after holidays and january 2021 had our first huge fight and even the neighbors called the security guard and next day we recieved an advice letter from administration but I didn't want to lose house and food, and I was even more submissive to her
And nightmare started, she didn't let me sleep, I made all meals, do cleaning and laundry chores and ocassionally (WHen isn't goverment request to lockdown) had some dinner time, but monday to friday I was basically not her fiancee, her maid.
Well march 2021 and we had another huge fight and again administration building warning about a fine if we discuss again. Barb blamed me a lot. She called me that I didn't gratefullness her effort to give me housing and food, that was her huge love and she supposedly had lots of proposals for another women (Narcissistic as fuck), and she denied for me.
My birthday march 5 comes and was a some "peace" between us. Barb bought a cake, alcohol (But supervising my glasses), and her friends. It was... okay... but some friends of mine suggeted to broke up and I started to
In march 13, I got drunk enough (obvious reasons) when she got outside to do some family issues. When she find me drunk in the table, in sometime I dropped the wine bottle and I blemish the cushion chair, a chair who was from her grandma since 50 or 60 years and that all fancy, and she got mad mad mad
I told police that I remembered two things: instead to yell to me, she bite heavily for the angry and took me from my neck (I'm a short girl, 1.49 m / 4.89 ft 45 kg - 102 lbs), and she put my face in the wet cushion and whisper all kind of rude words, including "You ruined my grandma chair!", I was dizzy for the wine and she tightened my neck and the second thing that I remember she took me to our bedroom and I remember a huge slap and fell to bed
Well two days later I made the police report online when she was out to resolve some job issue in the office and I was devastated enough to eat, do the chores or even take the bath. She was harsh to me and denied affection after that "as a lesson". And in that moment around 11 am or 12 pm my suicide toughts peaked (I had in the next day of my abuse), and I don't know why I started to search in Internet hanging... and I found some BDSM 3d art porn site that JUST have an entire section called "Asphyxia fantasies" and mostly consist of naked women, handcuffed in the air and some pics was gross enough like this 3d men masturbate and ejaculate in the near dead bodies of hanged women. I don't know why I stayed in the site, the death desire was stronger, and I saw that I called the "doom pic"
That "doom pic" as a naked woman, in a kneeling foward position and with a death face. I wanted to do the same (I didn't found this forum or any "Partial" or "how to hang" only that website) and for some reason in my rush thoughts I decided to take my life
When I found one of Barb scarf in the closet, I started to figure out some knots for that. I tried to pull the scarf for the closet tube and I felt nothing. I tried another knot and not feel nothing
In some way I guess is the despair to be dead before Barb became back I figure that I can use the bathroom door, so I go to bathroom, throw the other side of the scarf to the door, close it (I was in bathroom side) and I started to feel disconfort ....
I kneeled first time and I didn't find nothing, I tighened more the scarf and started to feel some inflamated in my neck... and then I kneeled
I didn't faint or black and not remember what seconds passed, I guess at least 6 and maximum 15, but when I kneeled the second time, I started to feel some dizzinesss, and then a ear ringing started and don't feel my arms and legs and I was shaking... I don't know if was voluntary or reflex but I stand up again, ringing continued and when I realized that I feel death early opened the door, took the scarf away and I cried a lot when I recover my breath
Then I was rushed to arrange again the closet, put some makeup to cover my neck redness and started to do the chores
Well, Barb came and she congratulated me for the work... and she notice my sadness, and "what happened?" and used the excuse that it was since a year of my laid off. She noticed my makeup but no word of that
I started to go to job interviews and, in first time she cheered me up, then when I started to came late to house (Because I was in 2 or 3 interviews in a single day in different parts of city), she got mad again. She accused me to look for a lover or something and broke my promise to marry her (After my attempt hell no), and took my hand and talk bullshit about the ring and the huge effort to mantain me in the pandemics. Well, when I was in the second round of interview in my actual job, she got mad again and she didn't like that I will took that job. That it was a low wage (it is, but low is better than the hell that I had with Barb) , that she was "talking" with some manager to find a position in her company with a lot of benefits and stuff (I suspected that it was as JANITOR because she started to go to office 2 or 3 days a week), and blablabla.
I was decided to broke up all and accept the offer. Since it was in home office, I only needed to take the company notebook and accesories and go away, work for any metropolitan city. The last play that Barb tried to retain me that she had a "nightmare" that I was dead in an assault in my current city, she cried a lot but I didn't buy that
I ask for an Uber to bus station and I throw into ground the wedding ring and said a huge "Bitch" (My restriction order was in process after my second police report, but I didn't want to wait for it) and took my cab. The security guard of the building helped me to not being harm or something (since she knew about our fights).
Well, in retrospective, I would be dead if I did the "partial" in a right? way? and only for a doomed woman that she is: rich, with this or that degree and diploma.... "beautiful" (I don't deny that, I will not doxxing her) and she played with my innocence and kindness.
I blocked her for all social media, created new social profiles and change number, then I didn't know about her again
I'm still reconstruct my life but only when I go away for that apartment I started to realize all the bad things
I'm still debating between death (Because of trauma) and recovery, but I'm still with no plan
Also I want to denounce her someday in court but isn't my priority now
