Rustysoupcan
I'm sensitive
- May 2, 2020
- 242
I attempted 3 weeks ago by partial hanging, but I definitely thought is was gonna be easier than it was. I "practiced" before and found it pretty easy to start passing out (my vision was slowly leaving) but I would always stop it because it was just practice and I wasnt ready to go. But Feb. 24th I decided I'm done and I started getting thing ready for others. I cleared my browsing history, I unlocked my devices so people can access them, deleted certain social media, threw away my journals, cleaned my apartment a little bit, and wrote letters. Then I made my mistake. Every thing was set, rope was tied and ready, and I decided to send a voice message to my boyfriend because I know he doesnt really have videos on me talking and that might be something he wants. It's about 1am so he should be asleep. I sent the message, turn my phone on silent and go to ctb. Except I couldnt. For whatever reason that night I just couldnt find the 'sweet spot'. There was only 2 time where I came close to passing out, but my SI was too strong and I couldnt help but stand up. After a while of trying I look at my phone and see dozens of missed calls and texts. I knew he had called the police without even reading the texts. I didnt know what to do at that point so I just sobbed on the bathroom floor until the police arrived. What I wasnt expecting was my boyfriend had his friend drive him 30 minutes to my house. I feel horrible about it now because he came to my house not knowing if he will find me or a corpse. The police do their thing and chapter me and I go to the hospital.
I'm at the hospital, and 2 weeks into it I decide to sign a stipulation agreement with the court. I've signed these before and never had issue, after I sign it that send me home the next day. So I didnt ask many questions about it, and that was a mistake. I thought that by signing I was agreeing to attend outpatient treatment, but instead I just signed myself into the care of the county. So heres me the next day, expecting to go home, and 2 social workers walk into my room and tell me I wont be going home. They say I'll stay at the hospital for another week and depending on if I get better or not, they will either send me to long term care or to a group home. This rocked my entire world, it was the last thing I was expecting. Cutting out all the boring parts of trying not to go to long term care, a week later they say I'll be discharging to a crisis bed. If you dont know, a crisis bed is basically a short term group home that helps people transition out of the hospital. That's where I am writing this from now. The county is still waiting for approval for me to go to a group home 3 hours from my home. I dont know how long they will keep me there, but I expect it will be several months.
Maybe this story isnt interesting, but I just wanted to share to get my feelings out. Thanks for reading
I'm at the hospital, and 2 weeks into it I decide to sign a stipulation agreement with the court. I've signed these before and never had issue, after I sign it that send me home the next day. So I didnt ask many questions about it, and that was a mistake. I thought that by signing I was agreeing to attend outpatient treatment, but instead I just signed myself into the care of the county. So heres me the next day, expecting to go home, and 2 social workers walk into my room and tell me I wont be going home. They say I'll stay at the hospital for another week and depending on if I get better or not, they will either send me to long term care or to a group home. This rocked my entire world, it was the last thing I was expecting. Cutting out all the boring parts of trying not to go to long term care, a week later they say I'll be discharging to a crisis bed. If you dont know, a crisis bed is basically a short term group home that helps people transition out of the hospital. That's where I am writing this from now. The county is still waiting for approval for me to go to a group home 3 hours from my home. I dont know how long they will keep me there, but I expect it will be several months.
Maybe this story isnt interesting, but I just wanted to share to get my feelings out. Thanks for reading
