Screw It

[Giraffey]

I recently plucked up the courage to reach out and report the horrendous abuse I have suffered over the years at the hand of my ex-partner both before and after we broke up and I cut contact. I was promised a path forward that included the emotional and practical support I need to deal with her abuse, repair my life and hopefully move on without CTB.

Today I spoke with the victim services, to whom you're referred when you report a crime of domestic abuse; only to be told that as my ex-partner falsely claimed that I was the abusive one during our relationship, nobody is able to help and support me. It matters not about the evidence - once you are accused, you cannot access any support.

False allegations against me and other boyfriend's she's since had, are a component of her abuse and a gaslighting technique she has used; the purpose of which was to silence me, discredit me, isolate me from my friends and family and prevent me from ever getting any support - with the intention that she will be there to scoop me back up and pick up her abuse where she left off. Although she's repeated the same behaviour with men she's dated since me, nothing as extreme, it appears - I'm 'special'.

My recovery plan has been thrown into crisis; my hopes of avoiding CTB appear to have been dashed once and for all, and I'm fucking furious because the system is allowing and enabling her to continue her abuse of me unfettered.

I don't think I will ever escape from her until I'm dead.

Life can fuck off right about now.

 

[Huntfish34]

Damnt , that's terrible, I can't really imagine being in a situation like that. I wish I could tell you something more or profound but... I'll keep you in my prayers and hope that you can get the help you seek with this. You Deserve that much, at the Very Minimum! Take care of yourself and God Bless. ❤

 

[Giraffey]

Damnt , that's terrible, I can't really imagine being in a situation like that. I wish I could tell you something more or profound but... I'll keep you in my prayers and hope that you can get the help you seek with this. You Deserve that much, at the Very Minimum! Take care of yourself and God Bless. ❤

Thank you, I appreciate the sentiment

I have a couple of options still to explore over the coming week, but I can see doors rapidly slamming in my face and my progress towards recovery rapidly slipping away. I'm just hoping that the battle isn't yet lost.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

You've done an amazing job man. Picking yourself up and out of an abusive situation and trying to push back against someone that's got into your life is a big deal and you've done well to give it a real attempt. What you're going through is the reason escaping abuse is hard; some people will really sink their teeth into you and make moving away from them difficult. Being isolated like this does make things harder, but you're really not alone in this situation.

From a more practical point of view, in what ways are you tied to her? What needs to change for your life to be able to move freely? These obstacles are big ones but I'm sure you can overcome them with the right advice and some support.

 

[Soul]

That's highly fucked-up indeed. Merely being accused shouldn't mean a person can't get therapy. Even if something *did* happen it shouldn't mean that. I'm sorry.

 

[Giraffey]

You've done an amazing job man. Picking yourself up and out of an abusive situation and trying to push back against someone that's got into your life is a big deal and you've done well to give it a real attempt. What you're going through is the reason escaping abuse is hard; some people will really sink their teeth into you and make moving away from them difficult. Being isolated like this does make things harder, but you're really not alone in this situation.

From a more practical point of view, in what ways are you tied to her? What needs to change for your life to be able to move freely? These obstacles are big ones but I'm sure you can overcome them with the right advice and some support.

Thanks cryptic_egg, it was a very long journey before I came to terms with what she had done and began to find strength and heal, part of what makes me so angry is how the various authorities have enabled her abuse - when if the correct checks and procedures were followed then none of this would ever have happened.

I'm tied to her in so far as the allegations that she has made will remain 'on my file' for the rest of my life. Even if the day comes when she is convicted and punished for her lies, there will be a small number of people who adopt the mantra 'no smoke without fire', although to be fair, even her own close friends have doubted her - she's genuinely that prolific.

What needs to change in my life is to be able to clear my name completely, and access the emotional support that I need and deserve to be able to move on with my life. Both of those are formidable challenges, but not insurmountable - the basic evidence against her runs to nearly a thousand pages and there are dozens of witnesses to her abuse (not just of me, but other men), I've barely hit the tip of the iceberg. But as you can probably imagine, it's exhausting and when I hit setbacks like this one, I question whether I have the strength.

That's highly fucked-up indeed. Merely being accused shouldn't mean a person can't get therapy. Even if something *did* happen it shouldn't mean that. I'm sorry.

That's right Soul. She's distributed indecent photographs of me and put my in fear of my life by publishing my personal information such as my address and social media online alongside them, but because of allegations she made years earlier - I'm not eligible for any support or therapy relating to any crimes she's committed against me in the years since.

In other words, it doesn't matter what crimes she commits against me now or in the future - I am not entitled to any support as a result. I also found the strength to disclose that she had on one occasion sexually assaulted me. Sexual assault survivors are rightfully and legally, entitled to emotional support to help them move on with their trauma. But I am not.

Fucked-up is putting it mildly.

 

[sufferingalways]

Hi slowmo I am so sorry to hear about what is going on.
You have expressed support to me. How can we help you? Is there anything we can do for you? It sounds a disgusting mess how her allegations have screwed your support system.

Could you ask help from a different support charity ? Try a befriending service maybe? Even remotely these are able .. maybe?
Gaslighting/ narcissistic This type of abuse makes me so angry as well, it's their lies that stain us.

Please, when you find out, tell us how we can be of help.