Açucarzinho583
com café!
- Sep 14, 2023
- 19
I'm new here and would like to introduce myself. Since English is not my native language, I'm using a translator. So, please forgive me if there are any errors in the translation or expressions that don't make sense. This will be the first time I share my story with many people. I've never done this before, and it's a bit strange for me. I'm not good at this kind of thing, and it might not turn out the way I imagined, but I also want to use this thread as a way to vent about the subject.
My mother had me during her adolescence when she was 15 years old, and my father was 6 years older than her and involved with cannabis (illegal in the country where I live). When I was a child, I saw him associating with very young people. Because of them, I was born sick and inherited my father's genetic diseases. When they separated, I was only a few months old, and my uncles decided to take care of me. I never saw my mother again after that; only in adolescence did she reappear and say she wanted to be more involved in my life. I think she realized her irresponsibility when she built her own family and had several children. As for my father, he became unemployed and moved to my grandmother's house. Whenever I visit my grandmother, the most I say to my father is a hello and goodbye.
My uncles, though they "seem to like" me, I never understood their explosive behavior. The slightest reasons can make them aggressive to the point of hurting me or even almost killing me at times, and then they would regret what they did. But with others, they always try to be kind. I've suppressed many memories from the past, but I remember my aunt pushing me, causing me to fall to the ground, and I remember my father putting me on the sofa to hit my face in extreme situations. When they were emotional, they would say they didn't want me at home and that I should go live with my mother. Then they would apologize the next day. Despite this behavior, they always gave me what I asked for. I never understood that.
My first suicide attempt was in high school. One thing I never thought about was how the pandemic affected these people; they missed two years of study, I think. I always studied alone, so I never thought about it. In the classroom, there were people who couldn't write properly and didn't know basic math. Most of them behaved like children and always disrupted the class. I saw a student using drugs next to me in the middle of the class. One student had set another student's shoe on fire during recess. Moreover, they were racist and always fought.They didn't do anything to me because they said that if they bullied me, I could kill myself. I'm a person very sensitive to noisy environments and have a lot of social anxiety. I asked my parents to let me skip school several times, and there were days when I refused to go to school. High school was a stressful environment and one of the triggers for suicide.
My plan was to run away from home and jump from a building. I pretended to go to school for a week to plan the suicide. Instead of going to school, I stayed in a library nearby. When the library closed, I stayed in a restaurant nearby. It was Friday, and everything was ready; I was going to leave on Monday, only two days left. In the restaurant, I received a call from my aunt. It was very strange because she didn't call me when I was in class. I didn't answer the call. After that, my phone rang several times, and then I realized she had found out. It turns out the school called my aunt asking why I had been absent for a week. It was such bad timing, and the school called just now. Through the window, I could see my aunt's car and then my uncle passing by on a motorcycle looking for me. So, I hid in the restaurant's bathroom and waited for hours. Fortunately, I had a plan in case my parents found out: I would call my mother to come pick me up. So, I wasn't too anxious about it. I took a random bus, saw several police cars passing by. I wondered if they were looking for me. The bus driver asked, "Is someone lost?" so I assumed that was it.
After the bus emptied, I got off anywhere and was completely lost. My phone was out of battery, so I asked a stranger to lend me his phone so I could call my mother to come pick me up. He was very kind and lent it to me.
Although my attempt had failed, I didn't give up and decided to try again. Two years passed, and I failed. A year passed, and I failed again. I can't take it anymore; I'm very stressed and depressed, my grades have dropped, and I can't get out of bed. Self-harm has helped relieve all this emotional tension. And to top it all off, my parents found my scars a few days ago. I think I'll stop here; I can't write this text anymore, and I also don't want it to be too long. In conclusion, I'm a very calm person, and I can't feel anger towards all these people. In the end, I just want to die.
The Chrome translator messed up the text, I had to edit it.
My mother had me during her adolescence when she was 15 years old, and my father was 6 years older than her and involved with cannabis (illegal in the country where I live). When I was a child, I saw him associating with very young people. Because of them, I was born sick and inherited my father's genetic diseases. When they separated, I was only a few months old, and my uncles decided to take care of me. I never saw my mother again after that; only in adolescence did she reappear and say she wanted to be more involved in my life. I think she realized her irresponsibility when she built her own family and had several children. As for my father, he became unemployed and moved to my grandmother's house. Whenever I visit my grandmother, the most I say to my father is a hello and goodbye.
My uncles, though they "seem to like" me, I never understood their explosive behavior. The slightest reasons can make them aggressive to the point of hurting me or even almost killing me at times, and then they would regret what they did. But with others, they always try to be kind. I've suppressed many memories from the past, but I remember my aunt pushing me, causing me to fall to the ground, and I remember my father putting me on the sofa to hit my face in extreme situations. When they were emotional, they would say they didn't want me at home and that I should go live with my mother. Then they would apologize the next day. Despite this behavior, they always gave me what I asked for. I never understood that.
My first suicide attempt was in high school. One thing I never thought about was how the pandemic affected these people; they missed two years of study, I think. I always studied alone, so I never thought about it. In the classroom, there were people who couldn't write properly and didn't know basic math. Most of them behaved like children and always disrupted the class. I saw a student using drugs next to me in the middle of the class. One student had set another student's shoe on fire during recess. Moreover, they were racist and always fought.They didn't do anything to me because they said that if they bullied me, I could kill myself. I'm a person very sensitive to noisy environments and have a lot of social anxiety. I asked my parents to let me skip school several times, and there were days when I refused to go to school. High school was a stressful environment and one of the triggers for suicide.
My plan was to run away from home and jump from a building. I pretended to go to school for a week to plan the suicide. Instead of going to school, I stayed in a library nearby. When the library closed, I stayed in a restaurant nearby. It was Friday, and everything was ready; I was going to leave on Monday, only two days left. In the restaurant, I received a call from my aunt. It was very strange because she didn't call me when I was in class. I didn't answer the call. After that, my phone rang several times, and then I realized she had found out. It turns out the school called my aunt asking why I had been absent for a week. It was such bad timing, and the school called just now. Through the window, I could see my aunt's car and then my uncle passing by on a motorcycle looking for me. So, I hid in the restaurant's bathroom and waited for hours. Fortunately, I had a plan in case my parents found out: I would call my mother to come pick me up. So, I wasn't too anxious about it. I took a random bus, saw several police cars passing by. I wondered if they were looking for me. The bus driver asked, "Is someone lost?" so I assumed that was it.
After the bus emptied, I got off anywhere and was completely lost. My phone was out of battery, so I asked a stranger to lend me his phone so I could call my mother to come pick me up. He was very kind and lent it to me.
Although my attempt had failed, I didn't give up and decided to try again. Two years passed, and I failed. A year passed, and I failed again. I can't take it anymore; I'm very stressed and depressed, my grades have dropped, and I can't get out of bed. Self-harm has helped relieve all this emotional tension. And to top it all off, my parents found my scars a few days ago. I think I'll stop here; I can't write this text anymore, and I also don't want it to be too long. In conclusion, I'm a very calm person, and I can't feel anger towards all these people. In the end, I just want to die.
The Chrome translator messed up the text, I had to edit it.
Last edited:
