I am not doing well. I am becoming more and more addicted to sleeping medication. In many instances people in real life tried to hurt me or manipulate me in the past 6 months There is some truth in the saying "Even a paranoid has enemies". And this definitively was not good for my mental health. I already was pretty down before my fucking aunt tried to blackmail and pressure me. And in this instance this isn't a personal interpretation it is just what my sister told me after meeting her. The whole thing is so insane. I hope I deterred her from calling a laywer on me.
I am not sure whether I want another clinic stay. In clinics you are not allowed to use sleep medication and I had to go cold turkey in a short time period. This is very dangerous for a potential mixed manic depressive episode. There were just too many emergencies in the last 6 months. I had to open up that I filed a complaint because of my therapist. And I still think this was the right choice. I don't want to let other people bully me or taking advantage of me. Despite the fact this time period was stressful as fuck.
But the people in the psychiatry could see this very critical and I have a little bit anxiety they would write something negative in my report as revenge. I know it sounds paranoid but after how all these things played out I wouldn't rule it out. The chamber of psychotherapists were also sort of discriminating me. And even mocking me. I was calling a guy who is a patient cousellor there a few months ago the first time he was fully supportive and when I called the second time he was completely dismissive of my case. He forgot me in the meantime. Which felt like another loss in trust for the system. I think though my case is pretty strong because I have hard evidence in written form. There are no claims I cannot prove. I knew they would never trust someone like me if my sources were not in written form. And strategically this approach was pretty good and an advantage.
My last stay in a mental hospital was a nightmare. The police came when I was about to attempt. I had a stay in a clinic for acute suicidal people. I was paranoid and thought I triggered someone into committing suicide. A patient killed herself. It was horrible. I think I would go to a different clinic this time.
I am not sure where I am heading. I need to get clean from these addictive sleeping pills. This gonna be really really rough. I am surprised the dependency is that strong. The last time it was pretty easy to quit them.
Tomorrow I have an important appointment. But I try to sleep with a very small benzos instead of z-medication. I know benzos are worse but I think the tolerance with z-medication is way harder. Gladly I only took the smallest dosage z-medication but way too frequently.
And on Saturday I want to text again the autistic/ADHD woman who I dated and who is now seeimgly too busy to text/meet me. Despite the fact she considered our time together great. I think if she doesn't reply I have to move on. I am also in limbo for my feelings about this.
I am not sure whether I want another clinic stay. In clinics you are not allowed to use sleep medication and I had to go cold turkey in a short time period. This is very dangerous for a potential mixed manic depressive episode. There were just too many emergencies in the last 6 months. I had to open up that I filed a complaint because of my therapist. And I still think this was the right choice. I don't want to let other people bully me or taking advantage of me. Despite the fact this time period was stressful as fuck.
But the people in the psychiatry could see this very critical and I have a little bit anxiety they would write something negative in my report as revenge. I know it sounds paranoid but after how all these things played out I wouldn't rule it out. The chamber of psychotherapists were also sort of discriminating me. And even mocking me. I was calling a guy who is a patient cousellor there a few months ago the first time he was fully supportive and when I called the second time he was completely dismissive of my case. He forgot me in the meantime. Which felt like another loss in trust for the system. I think though my case is pretty strong because I have hard evidence in written form. There are no claims I cannot prove. I knew they would never trust someone like me if my sources were not in written form. And strategically this approach was pretty good and an advantage.
My last stay in a mental hospital was a nightmare. The police came when I was about to attempt. I had a stay in a clinic for acute suicidal people. I was paranoid and thought I triggered someone into committing suicide. A patient killed herself. It was horrible. I think I would go to a different clinic this time.
I am not sure where I am heading. I need to get clean from these addictive sleeping pills. This gonna be really really rough. I am surprised the dependency is that strong. The last time it was pretty easy to quit them.
Tomorrow I have an important appointment. But I try to sleep with a very small benzos instead of z-medication. I know benzos are worse but I think the tolerance with z-medication is way harder. Gladly I only took the smallest dosage z-medication but way too frequently.
And on Saturday I want to text again the autistic/ADHD woman who I dated and who is now seeimgly too busy to text/meet me. Despite the fact she considered our time together great. I think if she doesn't reply I have to move on. I am also in limbo for my feelings about this.
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