Scared but need to go

[Dying Failure]

So I made the drink, but couldn't take it. I got scared and I don't know why it's like I know I want to go and everything but something inside me is scared of I guess where my soul will go when I ctb. Has anyone else experienced something like this? I just don't understand how it was so easy for my brother to do it but yet I couldn't even do it. What is wrong with me? Maybe it's because I don't have anyone to do it with me? Or I feel like I have unfinished business before I do ctb? I hate this world but I don't know why I couldn't do it. I know that's a lot of random thoughts but I really feel like I need others opinions on this one.

 

[Obliviate]

I watch heaven and after life videos to make me feel better and it keeps me motivated to CTB even though I'm scared shitless but i'm also terrified of living.

 

[Dying Failure]

I watch heaven and after life videos to make me feel better and it keeps me motivated to CTB even though I'm scared shitless but i'm also terrified of living.

Maybe that's what I need to do then because I hate living but I'm scared as well. It makes me more at ease that I'm not the only one feeling scared but know they hate living. Thank you for the comment.

 

[LostAtSea]

Yes I'm in a similar position right now /:

 

[Dying Failure]

Yes I'm in a similar position right now /:

I'm glad I'm not the only one. Stay strong cause we'll see the other side one day.

 

[je.suis.prêt]

I don't currently have the means to cab, but I know if I did, I too would be scared to do it. For me, I think it's partially a fear of the unknown; what will actually happen if my consciousness ceases? And partially fear of leaving myself worse off it I fail. There also used to be a fear of being an emotional inconvenience to those left behind, but I no longer care about these people.

There is no rush.

Continue to take life one day at a time until you make your choice. At least now, you can proceed with the liberation of having a way out.

 

[Obliviate]

Almost everyone feels this way. I promise you're not alone. Some days it's easier to wanna CTB cuz the world is so fucked up and other days SI kicks in like a bitch but I think if you truly know you won't have a future and the cons outweigh the pros, there is a strong chance we'll be able to do it and finally get our peace.

 

[Dying Failure]

Almost everyone feels this way. I promise you're not alone. Some days it's easier to wanna CTB cuz the world is so fucked up and other days SI kicks in like a bitch but I think if you truly know you won't have a future and the cons outweigh the pros, there is a strong chance we'll be able to do it and finally get our peace.

And it really did I thought I was ready then when it came to it I got so scared I backed out. It's almost as if my conscious was telling me I have left a lot unfinished and need to get them completed before going if that makes sense. I just don't get how it's so easy for others but was so hard for me and I have access to my way out. Thank you for the suggestion on the videos cause I have watched a few and the people make it seem so comforting and beautiful on the other side.

I don't currently have the means to cab, but I know if I did, I too would be scared to do it. For me, I think it's partially a fear of the unknown; what will actually happen if my consciousness ceases? And partially fear of leaving myself worse off it I fail. There also used to be a fear of being an emotional inconvenience to those left behind, but I no longer care about these people.

There is no rush.

Continue to take life one day at a time until you make your choice. At least now, you can proceed with the liberation of having a way out.

That's the only thing I know I have my way out but next time will I chicken out again? What is making me feel like I have to chicken out? Why can I not do it? So many questions that I need to answer but I honestly cannot. But for now that's all I can do is take it day by day and see how it goes.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

There are many things that can make you scared of taking the final step. Besides the broadly discussed on this site fear of pain and failure, even when you're confident in your method and comfortable with it's reliability and peacefulness, there are still factors at play. There is your survival instinct, doubt, fear of unknown thing that is afterlife (or the absence of such) and the fear of the very concept of destroying your inner self and making the "you" not exist, permanently. When the time is right, you're not going to chicken out. If you get scared and change your mind, the time isn't right yet. The right time might come soon, or it might never come for you, that is something none of us can know. I think seeing how it goes is the best thing you can do.

 

[makethepainstop]

Sometimes you have to be under so much stress that the struggle to continue is so hard, that you just let go.

 

[ksp]

very good to ask yourself these questions:

where my soul will go when I ctb.

we will never know, but sooner or later we'll find out; do you want to delay the inevitable?

Maybe it's because I don't have anyone to do it with me?

we all die alone: even if someone else might be right next to you, no one else will experience what you'll go through in your mind (but maybe you'll find a small comfort knowing that someone else is physically close to you)

I feel like I have unfinished business before I do ctb?.

if you really think so, then maybe you do: you'll feel better knowing that you took care of everything
there is no rush - your exit will always be waiting for you

but when you'll know, you'll know: it will be much easier to overcome the survival instinct, and nothing else will matter

 

[Darkover]

it's all a state of mind the younger you are the more scared you'll be i don't fear death i know i can kill myself easily with the right method there nothing to fear but rebirth into this shithole\helllhole

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

It is predictably harder then anything imaginable.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide can still be difficult even if someone has a method by their side. Even when we wish to be gone all humans are programmed to survive after all, and it's like the survival instinct is determined to trap us here in this world and just prolong our suffering. But only you know when it's the right time to leave, I believe that it's a feeling you have, at least you have the method right there for when it's time. There is no point to fearing what happens after death as it's something that we cannot control. As humans our only fate is to die and this is inevitable.
I wish you the best.

 

[Sad_Sack]

Your nervous system has evolved to make you do everything you can to stay alive. I remember a news story about a hiker or climber or something who had gotten his arm stuck somehow and he was going to die of exposure or worse. He literally amputed his arm with a swiss army knife to live.

Even when things get to the point that you want to die it is extremely hard to overcome your survival instinct. It's very frustrating. When everything else is taken from you why in the hell do you still get to keep your SI?

 

[Dying Failure]

I know one day I will b able to do it but it's just taking things day by day i guess at this point. So much in life has been taken from me and I felt the need to just go but when I truly wanted to go didn't have a way out now that I do and nothing has changed I still feel the same and these dumb survival instincts kick in telling me not to do it. I hate being a human and having such instincts. I just don't get how it was just so easy for my family yet so hard for me. It would have been easier to have been there to see or witness how the person felt cause I know I feel the same but I'll never know. To be downed everyday and told to just off myself like my family did but someone I thought I loved should have been enough but I guess it's not. To be bashed in private and in public should be enough but it's not. For everyone to tell me I'll never be good enough should be enough but it's not. When will it be enough to push me to that edge. I keep getting told it's because I'm stronger and some bullshit about God and how he's putting me thru this cause I can handle it bullshit. But I'm not ok with anything happening in my life. And the worse part about it is there is nothing I can do to change anything that is happening.