Sayonara Everyone~ <3

[LocalAngel]

In 11 hours, i will decide for the final time if i will be on this earth or not. I made a lot of friends here- and i fell in love with someone from here as well. It was nice knowing this place, but i'm simply not strong enough to stay and try again and again. I'm sorry to those who are hurting because of this- But i thank you for not trying to stop me, those who know me personally. <3

Regimen:
x48h, 7.5mg Olanzapine
x24h, 7.5mg Olanzapine,
x6h, 10mg Olanzapine
x45m, diazepam 20-25mg orally
x6m, benzocanine for my tongue
x0m, SN drink, 40g. Have another 40g drink on the side incase, and another 20g on the side as well.

I'll probably be posting here more with my thoughts and feelings. It was really nice to get to know you all, but i know that my time has come. I really hope this site stays up. And i really hope that in the future, we can legalize euthanasia. I wouldn't be ending my own life this soon if i had access to it at all times, but sadly, i feel very stuck.

I will not beat myself up if, when the time comes, i can't drink it. however... yeah. It's time. I've tried getting help repeatedly, so so many times. I have too much trauma. Too much to deal with.

I'm aware this likely won't be enforced, but, please... don't try and stop me. Words of comfort are appreciated, however. ^^

 

[nonialabaster]

In 11 hours, i will decide for the final time if i will be on this earth or not. I made a lot of friends here- and i fell in love with someone from here as well. It was nice knowing this place, but i'm simply not strong enough to stay and try again and again. I'm sorry to those who are hurting because of this- But i thank you for not trying to stop me, those who know me personally. <3

Regimen:
x48h, 7.5mg Olanzapine
x24h, 7.5mg Olanzapine,
x6h, 10mg Olanzapine
x45m, diazepam 20-25mg orally
x6m, benzocanine for my tongue
x0m, SN drink, 40g. Have another 40g drink on the side incase, and another 20g on the side as well.

I'll probably be posting here more with my thoughts and feelings. It was really nice to get to know you all, but i know that my time has come. I really hope this site stays up. And i really hope that in the future, we can legalize euthanasia. I wouldn't be ending my own life this soon if i had access to it at all times, but sadly, i feel very stuck.

I will not beat myself up if, when the time comes, i can't drink it. however... yeah. It's time. I've tried getting help repeatedly, so so many times. I have too much trauma. Too much to deal with.

I'm aware this likely won't be enforced, but, please... don't try and stop me. Words of comfort are appreciated, however. ^^

When it's time, it's time. You are the only one who can look at the clock. I wish you well, and have a safe and peaceful journey.

Maybe you will see my husband, and my sweet Kristen (who's my avatar)! If you see them, tell them Hello! from Noni!

You'll be fine. I do have a concern about how much you are taking. Unless you weigh a lot (I'm a tiny thing, so 20g would certainly do me.) too much will lead to vomiting. Not trying to stop you, just suggesting you have a bowl, nearby, to vomit into. You might have to drink the vomit. Yes, it's gross, but, at that point, why would you care? Just don't drink water after you ingest it.

 

[LigottiSchopenhauer]

I am sorry that this world treated you badly enough to make you do this. I hope you find peace.

 

[aubrey!]

Best of luck, angel. I believe you can achieve peace. Take a nice rest when you get there.

 

[sorrowful]

i have seen you around here a few times, i'm sorry the world treated you so badly. whatever your decision is, i hope you are able to find peace

 

[LocalAngel]

When it's time, it's time. You are the only one who can look at the clock. I wish you well, and have a safe and peaceful journey.

Maybe you will see my husband, and my sweet Kristen (who's my avatar)! If you see them, tell them Hello! from Noni!

You'll be fine. I do have a concern about how much you are taking. Unless you weigh a lot (I'm a tiny thing, so 20g would certainly do me.) too much will lead to vomiting. Not trying to stop you, just suggesting you have a bowl, nearby, to vomit into. You might have to drink the vomit. Yes, it's gross, but, at that point, why would you care? Just don't drink water after you ingest it.

I weigh 111kg. Doing the LD50 calculations for my weight, 40g is just enough for 100% lethality. Math wise, at least.

I'll be having a second glass ready so.. i really doubt i'll need to drink.. that. lol. I'll have a bucket nearby though.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

The decision to end ones life is about as personal as any decision could ever be, and unless someone walks in someone elses shoes and lived the experiences of the OP, no one should try and talk the OP, or anyone, out of this most difficult decision. I hope that doesn't happen here, as life's been hard enough to even reach this point, let alone the final decision to actually CTB. No matter what the OP decides, I hope that they can get to their place of peace.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I'm sorry you have to leave so soon. Not being able to access euthanasia makes this so much harder than it needs to be, but hopefully it becomes legal and available everywhere one day. Good luck to you LocalAngel.

 

[Gonnerr]

Good luck , hopefully it will be a peaceful exit.

 

[FieldsofLavender]

I'm sorry that it's come to this... I hope you this is the peace and freedom you need. You deserve to be free from everything that's brought you here... I'll never forget you, ehehe.

 

[TapeMachine]

My dear friend.. you were the very first friend I made on here, and I wish I could express just how invaluable your companionship has been from the very start. I was so lonely and feeling so dejected before we met; but then you came along and showed me such kindness, and I finally felt understood and at peace.. I honestly don't know what I would have done without you.

F*ck, I'm gonna miss you immensely. But I know you're weary, and I'm so so sorry that life has not been hospitable to you. I understand your decision, and I'll be here in any way possible until you've gone (or for as long as you decide to stay, if your plans change come 11. I support you either way.)

You are truly exceptional beings, and I'm fortunate to have had the chance to know you.

I hope your final travels are as peaceful and expedient as possible. I love you, friend. If there's an "other side", I hope to see you there some day. ❤

 

[moochu_]

I hope you'll find the peace that you've been looking for. Don't beat yourself up okay? You've already gone through sm, it's amazing how far you've already come. I wish your the best angel ♡ Sleep tight

 

[LocalAngel]

Thank you, everyone... i really appreciate all the kind words. It means so much.
As time is passing, i can feel my anxiety getting worse, but my acceptance getting better. It's really scary. Really really scary. I'm not sure how to describe it, but i'm just... afraid of the fact that i know i'm not going to be able to be around, to experience things, to be here. To just... be somewhere else, maybe even nowhere at all.

I'm sorry that it's come to this... I hope you this is the peace and freedom you need. You deserve to be free from everything that's brought you here... I'll never forget you, ehehe.

I love you. Thank you hun. <3 I'll never forget you either.

 

[Ki_Nam]

Be at peace, angel.

 

[Amakishiyo]

Take care, hope you find relief and peace, my heart goes out to you.

 

[LateForTheBus]

I'm so sorry that life has brought you to this point ... but I understand. I hope you have a smooth and swift transition. I pray you find the peace you're looking for.

 

[LocalAngel]

It's becoming very tempting to, instead of dying this way, stop eating and give into my ED and die slowly that way. I can't tell if this is SI or not. I WANT TO GO. I do. I want to leave forever and never return. But my brain is now in survival mode. Jumping to all the different things that make me survive.
I don't want anymore of it. It's just a cycle.

 

[boblong]

Goodbye comrade . Since you still have some time before your untimely death , why not use all ur money to enjoy food at a 5star restaurant , get laid , etc.

 

[LocalAngel]

Goodbye comrade . Since you still have some time before your untimely death , why not use all ur money to enjoy food at a 5star restaurant , get laid , etc.

I don't have any money, but thank you friend. My bank account is negative right now, haha.

 

[Pluto]

I've really appreciated your company. You have a very warm and gentle demeanor. I aspire to be like you until my final days; to never let the world corrupt me. It is truly a noble thing to remain kind-hearted despite having been treated anything but.

You are loved and supported whether through with it as per your plan, or delaying to give yourself more time to process all these emotions.

 

[tothepoint]

I hope you find peace.

 

[Sparr0w]

i wish you luck and peace

 

[neemva]

I hope you find the peace you want <3

 

[Shadowlord900]

Goodbye, It was nice chatting with you while you were around. I've known you've been waiting for this opportunity for quite a few days now, so best take the chance when you've finally got it.

 

[Huntfish34]

I wish you Nothing but the best, thoughts and prayers always. Godspeed -

 

[VVVVVVV]

Good luck, may you find peace.

 

[BornHated]

I don't know you personally, but I know what you're feeling.
I hope whatever happens it goes as smoothly as possible.

 

[Memoka]

And i really hope that in the future, we can legalize euthanasia.

Agree.
Painless and pleasant way.
And I wish you a painless and pleasant journey.
Best of luck.
Angel.

 

[SamHam]

Feel really sorry for you. You seem like a really strong willed person even if you don't think so. If I had half the determination for living you have for dying i wouldn't be on this site. Please it makes me cry to see such wonderful people go. I hope you reconsider, and if you don't may the afterworld greet you well.

 

[Per Ardua Ad Astra]

Per ardua ad astra