Sabotaging life too speed up death

[Nelos]

Is anyone else purposely self sabotaging their life to eventually force themselves to commit suicide?

 

[L I F E T O L O S E]

I think so, since I do nothing

 

[Forgotten]

Yes, I sabotage myself all the time, there is extreme regret right when it happens, then a few minutes later I just convince myself by thinking, "I will CTB anyway, so it doesn't matter", and then everything feels fine again. That's why for me CTB is inevitable, there's simply no way out for me anymore.

 

[Nelos]

I think so, since I do nothing

The worst part is knowing if you even tried anything, it would end up the same. It is a shame but I always knew my life would end up this way, even since I was young.

Yes, I sabotage myself all the time, there is extreme regret right when it happens, then a few minutes later I just convince myself by thinking, "I will CTB anyway, so it doesn't matter", and then everything feels fine again. That's why for me CTB is inevitable, there's simply no way out for me anymore.

This is my mentality also, nothing I do matters and all of the irresponsible decision's on my part are only slowly pushing me over hopefully.

 

[nitroautnz]

I did think of that, but i wouldn't ended up finding a reason to stick around even at the lowest, and realize that I have gone too far.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Is anyone else purposely self sabotaging their life to eventually force themselves to commit suicide?

Yes. I think I may be doing this now.
I'm in a place where I need to fight to get my life back on track, but I'm tired of fighting. I've been fighting all my life. I'm exhausted. So I'm doing as little as possible. I just can't find the energy or motivation to do what needs to be done. So I'm just waiting for my deadline, knowing I'll probably kill myself.

 

[Willdieby30]

in some ways maybe. i hate living in canada. there is nothing for me to do. everything is too expensive and every body is plastic

 

[L I F E T O L O S E]

The worst part is knowing if you even tried anything, it would end up the same. It is a shame but I always knew my life would end up this way, even since I was young.

This is my mentality also, nothing I do matters and all of the irresponsible decision's on my part are only slowly pushing me over hopefully.

I always try something (get a job, relationship, studies) but I give up too fast.
maybe for fear of failure

 

[Nelos]

I always try something (get a job, relationship, studies) but I give up too fast.
maybe for fear of failure

I usually do also but eventually get intensely bored or distracted. Most times I just drifted by aimlessly in life but now it's getting to late to do that anymore.

 

[death137]

I've been doing that for the last 4 years. I've done many things with the most extreme cases being not going to all final exams, quiting Uni on first day and destroying my health.

I've social anxiety so it has a major role to play but purposely sabotaging my life has also a part to play.

 

[enuff]

Yup, same. I keep doing things that fuck things up for myself. I think my brain is wired wrong, or short circuits or something. I've fucked myself out of good jobs, good deals, good home, good friends, good opp'y. then I go into a funk and get stoned and drunk for weeks or months. Then the cycle starts all over agian when the next thing comes along that I fuck up. I even fucked up CTB.

 

[Blueman]

Is anyone else purposely self sabotaging their life to eventually force themselves to commit suicide?

I'm wondering if subconsciously I am

 

[Deleted member 19276]

At times I feel I may have done that in the past especially, without even realizing it at times.

 

[StateOfMind]

Not sabotaging per se, I have plenty other people doing that for me. More like getting in the right state of mind to overcome SI.

 

[xLosthopex]

Yeah I've been destroying myself with my anorexia & bulimia since I was 14, I'm now 23
I've done a lot of damage to my body, I'm very underweight and plan on continuing to loose weight again(went through a period of an attempt at recovery so was a healthy weight for a couple of years) I want to get back to my lowest weight again, 35kg(BMI 11) that's definitely enough to kill me, almost died when I was at that point in the past... not my first choice of ctb method though but if it works it works

 

[checkouttime]

I have done exactly this. closed my business, spent all my money, turned my phone off so no1 can contact me,spent all my money!! Im in total self destruct mode!

 

[Spitfire]

Is anyone else purposely self sabotaging their life to eventually force themselves to commit suicide?

Not currently, but there was a time when I was doing this to myself in the past.

I self sabotaged everything about my life on purpose. To the point where I was homeless with no money living in a vehicle.. then I cut off all contact with anyone and everyone.

I lived that way for about a year eating at a shelter during the weekdays. People at the gas stations would let me use their pump for a gallon or two of gas once in awhile after they started pumping.

I would sit inside of the indoor front section of a large retail store (Walmart) and watch people all day going in and out to buy all of their stuff. I made friends with most of the local homeless people during the time.

In reflecting back, it was quite the unique experience all in all.

 

[StateOfMind]

Not currently, but there was a time when I was doing this to myself in the past.

I self sabotaged everything about my life on purpose. To the point where I was homeless with no money living in a vehicle.. then I cut off all contact with anyone and everyone.

I lived that way for about a year eating at a shelter during the weekdays. People at the gas stations would let me use their pump for a gallon or two of gas once in awhile after they started pumping.

I would sit inside of the indoor front section of a large retail store (Walmart) and watch people all day going in and out to buy all of their stuff. I made friends with most of the local homeless people during that time.

In reflecting back, it was quite the unique experience all in all.

Interesting, not sure if I would risk going that far though. Ive never been at that stage of rock bottom and I can't see how one could get out of that situation without being extremely lucky.

 

[valentine]

I quit my job and stopped taking my antidepressants. I end up sabotaging all my relationships. Sometimes my self sabotage isn't on purpose but I'm just trying to push myself over the edge I guess.

 

[Spitfire]

Interesting, not sure if I would risk going that far though. Ive never been at that stage of rock bottom and I can't see how one could get out of that situation without being extremely lucky.

Do you want to know what happened? It was Hurricane Florence. That was my lucky.

Hurricane Florence hit the coast and devastated it. I saw emergency workers come in and spring into action to help out in cleaning up the town. I got on board with that, and things really took off from there...

 

[StateOfMind]

Do you want to know what happened? It was Hurricane Florence. That was my lucky.

Hurricane Florence hit the coast and devastated it. I saw emergency workers come in and spring into action to help out in cleaning up the town. I got on board with that, and things really took off from there...

lol cool.

 

[Spitfire]

Yea, tell me about it

 

[Chupacabra 44]

I was kind of doing this over the past year or two, so I'm thinking that the old saying applied ONLY to myself is "shit or get off the pot" is apropos here. Thus, I'm thinking I might get back onto my road bike (bicycle) after a four year hiatus. Because cycling always makes me happy. The challenge is not to have it trigger my mania.

I figured why not try and resume the one or two things I enjoy in life. And, don't misunderstand I'm not in recovery. CTB is my destiny.

 

[Mr2005]

I sabotaged my life but it wasn't to commit suicide. I don't know what it was for and now I don't know what else to do but commit suicide

 

[Niirvana]

Not currently, but there was a time when I was doing this to myself in the past.

I self sabotaged everything about my life on purpose. To the point where I was homeless with no money living in a vehicle.. then I cut off all contact with anyone and everyone.

I lived that way for about a year eating at a shelter during the weekdays. People at the gas stations would let me use their pump for a gallon or two of gas once in awhile after they started pumping.

I would sit inside of the indoor front section of a large retail store (Walmart) and watch people all day going in and out to buy all of their stuff. I made friends with most of the local homeless people during the time.

In reflecting back, it was quite the unique experience all in all.

How did you get your life back?
Yes, but I think it is the cause of mental illness not treated in time

 

[Spitfire]

How did you get your life back?
Yes, but I think it is the cause of mental illness not treated in time

I have three answers:

1. EMTs and medical staff. That was prior to going homeless though.

2. A desire to live happened after I found something to do where I could be helping other people again.

3. I was very lucky

 

[checkouttime]

I have three answers:

1. EMTs and medical staff. That was prior to going homeless though.

2. A desire to live happened after I found something to do where I could be helping other people again.

3. I was very lucky

sometimes, you just need that break in life to make things a whole lot different. unfortunately when your down on look things can seem like they are just piling up.

good for you though, happy that things got better.

 

[Good4Nothing]

So, is self sabotage associated more with manic depression or borderline personality disorder? Because I've been sabotaging myself all my adult life, and I've known all along that I'm manic depressive, but I'm beginning to wonder if I've been BPD this whole time, too.

 

[Good4Nothing]

So, is self sabotage associated more with manic depression or borderline personality disorder? Because I've been sabotaging myself all my adult life, and I've known all along that I'm manic depressive, but I'm beginning to wonder if I've been BPD this whole time, too.

So... is that a dumb question?

 

[Nelos]

So... is that a dumb question?

I can't answer it really, I have no clue honestly.