Venting Running out of options

[restless.dreams]

I've been struggling for years, nothing has helped, and now my psychiatrist thinks I have treatment resistant depression. If my new meds don't work, he wants to try ECT. That means literally firing electricity into my brain to trigger a seizure. And that's supposed to help me?? If that's the only option I have left, I might as well end myself now (:

I wanted to have a career. I wanted to meet a nice girl, get married and grow old together. All I ever wanted was to have a nice normal life, but I guess that was never going to happen for me.

I'm scared. I don't want to feel like this anymore, I just want the pain to end. I trusted the doctors to help me and this is what they come up with. What did I do wrong? Why did I have to be born with this sick defective brain?? What will it take to make it stop?

 

[IanMichaelPeda]

It is the same with me. I hope you have the courage to ctb that I lack.

 

[heysunshine]

I'm scared. I don't want to feel like this anymore, I just want the pain to end. I trusted the doctors to help me and this is what they come up with. What did I do wrong? Why did I have to be born with this sick defective brain?? What will it take to make it stop?

this is so hard restless. I can't even imagine how scary this is. It must be so overwhelming to watch the authority figures (doctors) in your life let you down. I hate that you are feeling this way or that it's somehow your fault. Of course you did nothing wrong but exist. I hate that your existence is full of this uncertainty and pain. It isn't fair. You deserve more out of life. You deserve to find the happiness, career, and partner you want. I still hope that you will find those things, however, I know that this situation is extremely overwhelming and difficult. I'm sorry you are experiencing it. I'm here for you if you ever want to chat! <3

 

[Relic]

If my new meds don't work, he wants to try ECT. That means literally firing electricity into my brain to trigger a seizure. And that's supposed to help me??

They used to drill holes into people's skulls and fish out bits of brain. Maybe ask your doc, how about some of that?
But no, that does not help you. For some, the only chemical intervention that works for depression, has been Adderall. If you haven't tried, maybe it's worth a shot. Also psychedelics, but these should be done only under supervision.