Q
QuietLake
Member
- May 11, 2022
- 17
Does anybody else do this? I will try to better my life in some way, to improve myself and my situation, only for it to result in humiliation and self-hatred. Happens practically every time. It kills me inside, at least a part of me.
This last time was the worst one ever. I had something going that I really cared about, really thought was going to help finally make me a functional, semi-normal person. I finally had a role in society, if only a very small one. It gave me somewhere to go, a place to interact with others, a place to be seen. It did make me feel sad and frustrated at times, but I honestly liked it in many ways.
Now I feel worse off than i did before. I feel like an even bigger social pariah. It's funny how people say "just do this. It'll be good for you!" It can be true, but what they and I don't take into account is that it isn't always good for you. I guess it's good for me in that now I know, but that knowledge is painful. I now know for sure that I am too emotionally weak to maintain even something small.
I can't stand being told that I need therapy. Sure maybe I do. However, I have seen therapists before. They would have told me to pursue the thing that I did. Besides, while I'm still relatively young, I'm not exactly some young up-and-comer. I'm already far behind. I don't have time for therapy and being taught breathing exercises never did a thing for me.
This last time was the worst one ever. I had something going that I really cared about, really thought was going to help finally make me a functional, semi-normal person. I finally had a role in society, if only a very small one. It gave me somewhere to go, a place to interact with others, a place to be seen. It did make me feel sad and frustrated at times, but I honestly liked it in many ways.
Now I feel worse off than i did before. I feel like an even bigger social pariah. It's funny how people say "just do this. It'll be good for you!" It can be true, but what they and I don't take into account is that it isn't always good for you. I guess it's good for me in that now I know, but that knowledge is painful. I now know for sure that I am too emotionally weak to maintain even something small.
I can't stand being told that I need therapy. Sure maybe I do. However, I have seen therapists before. They would have told me to pursue the thing that I did. Besides, while I'm still relatively young, I'm not exactly some young up-and-comer. I'm already far behind. I don't have time for therapy and being taught breathing exercises never did a thing for me.
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