LenkaX
Maybe there is a hope!
- Aug 14, 2020
- 366
Do you too have this awkward feeling like your body literally rots inside? I feel like my brain is dead. Literally dead. I'm a zombie, a walking dead creature for too long time.
The last few months were terrible. I lost my ability to sleep and I have occasional itching of the whole body, most probably from long term usage of antipsychotics. When I reported this to my psychiatrist, he just said that I should take even more antipsychotics and it will get better. I hate this psychiatrist, he also treats me like I'm dead for a long time. Indeed, how you feel inside, the same way other people will treat you, even doctors.
I'm useless and everybody thinks that I'm some creepy pervert. Nobody gives a shit about me - unless I try to CTB and be loudly vomiting from SN in a hotel room - then they would call ambulance, they would save my """life""" against my will and they will be happy to send me to a filthy psych ward. NO THANK YOU!
It's bad, very bad. I know that I can't just go to a hotel to take my SN there. I have had bad luck all my life so I would definitely puke in a loud way and they would rescue me. I have to wait till June or July when my mother with her boyfriend will be sleeping in their cottage 30 miles away from where we live. When this happens, I'm going to take the SN. But it will be in such a long time!
I just can't stand this existence anymore. I was born solely for the purpose of hardcore suffering. HEY GOD, I'm already dead!!! Why you keep torturing me??? I know that I'm the biggest failure since the Big Bang, so kill me NOW PLEASE!!!
Oh shit, it so hurts, me head is in pain, my eyes can't stand the computer screen anymore. This is pure Hell!
The last few months were terrible. I lost my ability to sleep and I have occasional itching of the whole body, most probably from long term usage of antipsychotics. When I reported this to my psychiatrist, he just said that I should take even more antipsychotics and it will get better. I hate this psychiatrist, he also treats me like I'm dead for a long time. Indeed, how you feel inside, the same way other people will treat you, even doctors.
I'm useless and everybody thinks that I'm some creepy pervert. Nobody gives a shit about me - unless I try to CTB and be loudly vomiting from SN in a hotel room - then they would call ambulance, they would save my """life""" against my will and they will be happy to send me to a filthy psych ward. NO THANK YOU!
It's bad, very bad. I know that I can't just go to a hotel to take my SN there. I have had bad luck all my life so I would definitely puke in a loud way and they would rescue me. I have to wait till June or July when my mother with her boyfriend will be sleeping in their cottage 30 miles away from where we live. When this happens, I'm going to take the SN. But it will be in such a long time!
I just can't stand this existence anymore. I was born solely for the purpose of hardcore suffering. HEY GOD, I'm already dead!!! Why you keep torturing me??? I know that I'm the biggest failure since the Big Bang, so kill me NOW PLEASE!!!
Oh shit, it so hurts, me head is in pain, my eyes can't stand the computer screen anymore. This is pure Hell!
