Discussion Rot and decay while being alive due to life not having any purpose / tasks anymore. Who else feels like that?

[Praestat_Mori]

The title says it. I often have the feeling of rotting and decaying while being alive because I don't find fulfilling tasks, a purpose and actual goals in my life any more.

 

[CandyK__]

I usually force myself to find a new interest, but yeah it often feel like I'm decaying and slowly leaning over the verge of suicide.

I'd say rotting is like forgetting, because we can no longer see in our mind what made us bloom, and help us grow. It feels like that, but it's just delusion, we're not rotting, we're re-charging. Shutting down, preparing for a new beginning.
It's just temporary, it gets better.

 

[dialogos]

Where you raised in a way that by having a purpose or goal is what makes you valuable and if you don't, you're not worth anything? On one hand it is commendable but taken to the extreme it can be toxic. Just existing shouldn't be wrong and you shouldn't feel guilty for living, whether with goals, purpose or none at all. Yes I felt like you. But a friend showed me that I'm valuable with or without. I hope someday you can find peace that you're worthy, and whatever you put your heart into, then that too will become valuable because of you, not the other way around.

 

[todiefor]

Lack of purpose is one of the biggest reasons on my list for ctb. My whole life I had fairly clear purpose, now that purpose is gone, there's no reason for me to exist every day is a waste of time.

@dialogos i agree with you, the value of my existence shouldn't just be the goal that made me valuable, I should just want to exist because my life has value intrinsically. I know I have a lot of value to my friends and family outside of my purpose. It all makes sense theoretically. But I just cannot. There's too much pain and without meaning or purpose it just feels like an empty waste of time/space

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

This is all i have felt since birth, always wondered why things were and why i was and do the things i do.

I worked jobs and tried many things, yet I'm utterly lost and can't find anything meaningful, life isn't like some novel or movie plot, life is procreate and die. I don't subscribe to the idea of entertaining them which means I'm doomed forever in a world i don't feel in.

I feel as though when i die i will wake up and go "damn that simulation was horrible, so that's what it's like to be a mortal human.."

All the people around me had their dotted line charted and on the sail, go to college, have tons of fun and be "normal" and be super happy. I never once had that.

 

[Dmoore3232]

I think about that everyday. I am 32, I would like to kill myself before that happens. I don't really want to live to be 50. Yeah when you age you are rotting and decaying. I work with my friend at work and he is like 76 and he took his dentures out today like it was no big deal and he is as happy as can be.

 

[MrDarkness]

I just feel empty, like nothing. My heart is in pieces to never return. I hate it, I wanna feel

 

[dialogos]

Lack of purpose is one of the biggest reasons on my list for ctb. My whole life I had fairly clear purpose, now that purpose is gone, there's no reason for me to exist every day is a waste of time.

@dialogos i agree with you, the value of my existence shouldn't just be the goal that made me valuable, I should just want to exist because my life has value intrinsically. I know I have a lot of value to my friends and family outside of my purpose. It all makes sense theoretically. But I just cannot. There's too much pain and without meaning or purpose it just feels like an empty waste of time/space

if there isnt anything intrisically wrong with you like neurological pain, paralysis, extreme disability etc and you all feel like this, and intellectually you know like you said your value should be intrinsic etc. then its these feelings and thoughts that are weighing you down because it became conditioned, ingrained, trained, absorbed and grew in you. they became a belief system. lts going to be a sacrifice of time and effort to win back your peace, because this isnt a theory youre trying break free from, its a belief system. a friend once told me that when life overwhelms you with inappropriate feelings, you should say this to yourself, it doesnt matter what i feel, what matters is what i believe. what you feel is real and can overshadow your life, if you allow it and wallow in it, its going to be difficult to fight back. its really up to you but if you want to get out of that, there are options available to you from self help, people who can help you coz they went thru the same belief system, medical aid like anti depressants that work to restore brain chemistry and not against it. im here for you also. yes i went thru the same because of severe physical and mental abuse as a child so im not a theory.

 

[90starve]

The title says it. I often have the feeling of rotting and decaying while being alive because I don't find fulfilling tasks, a purpose and actual goals in my life any more.

yes - i am just sitting around waiting to die. i live just to work. my only goal in life is to collect my monthly paycheque, so that i am able to pay my bills and continue to work.

it is hard to live a life with no fulfilling tasks, relationships, hobbies, careers + such. i find it impossible to look ahead and see a reason to continue living that's even worth mentioning.

im sorry that you feel this way too <3

 

[todiefor]

if there isnt anything intrisically wrong with you like neurological pain, paralysis, extreme disability etc and you all feel like this, and intellectually you know like you said your value should be intrinsic etc. then its these feelings and thoughts that are weighing you down because it became conditioned, ingrained, trained, absorbed and grew in you. they became a belief system. lts going to be a sacrifice of time and effort to win back your peace, because this isnt a theory youre trying break free from, its a belief system. a friend once told me that when life overwhelms you with inappropriate feelings, you should say this to yourself, it doesnt matter what i feel, what matters is what i believe. what you feel is real and can overshadow your life, if you allow it and wallow in it, its going to be difficult to fight back. its really up to you but if you want to get out of that, there are options available to you from self help, people who can help you coz they went thru the same belief system, medical aid like anti depressants that work to restore brain chemistry and not against it. im here for you also. yes i went thru the same because of severe physical and mental abuse as a child so im not a theory.

I mean, I think the whole point of this forum is that it's ok right to just not want to live…a lot of things can happen in your life to make one feel this way, even if there's nothing wrong with you physically, you can still choose logically to not want to. I think purpose is very deeply personal to an individual, I don't really think any one is forcing it upon me, I don't think I've been conditioned in anyway, it's just something I believe in very strongly. It's also not that logically I believe one thing but I feel something else. I think lately many things happened that really changed my world view and these same circumstances have deprived me of many things that I held dear, physically and spiritually. I feel that I can no longer live true to myself, and I've let a lot of people down and will continue to let them down. There are many reasons, sometimes life is just too hard.

 

[dialogos]

I mean, I think the whole point of this forum is that it's ok right to just not want to live…a lot of things can happen in your life to make one feel this way, even if there's nothing wrong with you physically, you can still choose logically to not want to. I think purpose is very deeply personal to an individual, I don't really think any one is forcing it upon me, I don't think I've been conditioned in anyway, it's just something I believe in very strongly. There are also many other reasons, sometimes life is just too hard.

yes. discussion is open. dont be surprised if it doesnt go the way you expect it to. beliefs can make life difficult. if you feel like purpose is so important, what do you think should it be for you to get satisfaction?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

if there isnt anything intrisically wrong with you like neurological pain, paralysis, extreme disability etc and you all feel like this, and intellectually you know like you said your value should be intrinsic etc. then its these feelings and thoughts that are weighing you down because it became conditioned, ingrained, trained, absorbed and grew in you. they became a belief system. lts going to be a sacrifice of time and effort to win back your peace, because this isnt a theory youre trying break free from, its a belief system. a friend once told me that when life overwhelms you with inappropriate feelings, you should say this to yourself, it doesnt matter what i feel, what matters is what i believe. what you feel is real and can overshadow your life, if you allow it and wallow in it, its going to be difficult to fight back. its really up to you but if you want to get out of that, there are options available to you from self help, people who can help you coz they went thru the same belief system, medical aid like anti depressants that work to restore brain chemistry and not against it. im here for you also. yes i went thru the same because of severe physical and mental abuse as a child so im not a theory.

Thanks for your reply and up to some point you are right.

But I actually see myself valuable! And there's probably the problem. I was successful up until a few years ago when the project of a life time that could have changed my life failed, So that's when my downward spiral started. Due to the lack of a new business idea and my age there're not so many options left except an underpayed 9-5 slavery (note: I never ever had a 9-5 in all my life, and I had my personal reasons for that). And there's the point: The other side doesn't see me as valuable as I see myself and I'm not going to degrade myself.

i live just to work.

Like @90starve says it, I don't want to live just to work to be forced to live a life I don't want especially not in my age anymore when I had completely different plans I worked my ass off for this stage of life.

Yes I'm trapped in negative thoughts because simply there's nothing that can make me the overwhelming success feeling I would need to break out. Neither therapy nor meds can help here unless the base is there on where I could build up a "new life" according to my personal expectations for myself.

@dialogos I'm glad you could find your way out, I'm still searching for mine, but to me it was always clear that CTB is an option should life not be worth to be lived for me personally anymore.

I think about that everyday. I am 32, I would like to kill myself before that happens.

I don't think it's a good idea to CTB before that happens because as long as you do not have the feeling that your personal life is bad or whatever else you are not ready to leave this world. Just to "prevent" sth that might happen in the future is the worst idea to CTB. Live your life until it happens! Anway whatever you decide it's your own free will and decision!

 

[ctb★prince]

The title says it. I often have the feeling of rotting and decaying while being alive because I don't find fulfilling tasks, a purpose and actual goals in my life any more.

i get that feeling too sometimes, what seems to temporarily help me personally is a quick and freezing shower, makes me feel a little bit fresh, but then usually the thoughts come back and the proceas starts all over again, sucks

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'd say rotting is like forgetting, because we can no longer see in our mind what made us bloom, and help us grow. It feels like that, but it's just delusion, we're not rotting, we're re-charging. Shutting down, preparing for a new beginning.
It's just temporary, it gets better.

Thanks for you kind words. If I only found sth"new" and I had the motivation and energy for that.

i get that feeling too sometimes, what seems to temporarily help me personally is a quick and freezing shower, makes me feel a little bit fresh, but then usually the thoughts come back and the proceas starts all over again, sucks

haha yeah! sure there're things we can do to quickly to "forget" about unsolvable issues but actually they come back quickly. Unless we find a way for us to cope with given situations and we are ready to accept those, we will not find a way out.

 

[Pluto]

I definitely relate. I have nowhere to go, nothing to do and no one to see. Even if I had some gimmick to offer the world, it would be a mere nugget in an otherwise worthless existence.

 

[666razorblade]

All the time. All my dreams are dead. I have no backup plan. I barely go out. I stay in my room, rotting away. The feeling of rot and decay is so real.

 

[todiefor]

yes. discussion is open. dont be surprised if it doesnt go the way you expect it to. beliefs can make life difficult. if you feel like purpose is so important, what do you think should it be for you to get satisfaction?

Sorry I want to preface by saying I really welcome your response and discussion with you, I think when I write and speak sometimes it comes across a little confrontational, it's not intended to be.

Im really sorry, I don't think I quite understood your meaning. The thread is about a lack of purpose being difficult for some to deal with, that some require there to be an overarching purpose in what they do, whether it's the job they are doing or living life. The purpose for each person is personal to them right, and it could change over time, or may be found or lost depending on what happens in someone's life. I don't think what the purpose is itself is important, as long as it is true to the person themselves. It could be a business that they love and have put everything in, it could be to make people around them happy, it could be to raise a family, it could be win a gold medal, it could be someone hates their job but do it for their family because it gives them financial security, could really be anything. and when that purpose is gone, like if the business failed, if they can't have children, if it turns out their family was cheating on them while they toiled for them, it's very painful to lose that purpose. And for some they just haven't found a purpose and that can also be very painful, wondering what they are doing with their lives. I'm not sure I agree that if some really value having a purpose in their life and purpose in what they do that it means they have the wrong belief system. I know many are very happy going through life just doing anything and the enjoyment of the present is more than sufficient and I think that's great. I was just saying that for me purpose is important and without it it is difficult for me to see what the point is.

I would be curious though, having lost a purpose in life, have people found that medication or talking therapy really helped? Because I feel like no drugs or person can really convince me that I should just enjoy everyday and not worry about having a purpose, like that's pretty core to my identity.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

@todiefor very well said!

I would be curious though, having lost a purpose in life, have people found that medication or talking therapy really helped? Because I feel like no drugs or person can really convince me that I should just enjoy everyday and not worry about having a purpose, like that's pretty core to my identity.

This is a question I'm also searching an answer for.

 

[stage4johnny]

Lack of purpose is one of the biggest reasons on my list for ctb. My whole life I had fairly clear purpose, now that purpose is gone, there's no reason for me to exist every day is a waste of time.

@dialogos i agree with you, the value of my existence shouldn't just be the goal that made me valuable, I should just want to exist because my life has value intrinsically. I know I have a lot of value to my friends and family outside of my purpose. It all makes sense theoretically. But I just cannot. There's too much pain and without meaning or purpose it just feels like an empty waste of time/space

How was your purpose taken away from you?

 

[Umacon]

The title says it. I often have the feeling of rotting and decaying while being alive because I don't find fulfilling tasks, a purpose and actual goals in my life any more.

I feel exactly the same so I hope to CTB before the end of 2024