Romantic love

[TheLastK]

I think it would. It's something I definitely need anyway. I've never been in any committed relationship for a very long time, all of my sexual experiences have been meaningless and that has been a fairly big part of why I'm here. There is more to it than that of course, but its something I would like to experience before I go, but I'm not holding out hope.

 

[Niko66]

Romantic interest makes me a lot less depressed at first but spirals my anxiety out of control sooner or later because I am so insecure so I end up back in square one. I can't function.

 

[Unworthyoflove]

its risky, but it could help. in the end love is a good healer

 

[timetosleep]

I think it definitely helps if it's a relationship where two partners commit to loving one another, a giving relationship in other words. Unfortunately, I find that most romantic relationship doesn't work that way, it's more about getting something from another with a focus on being positive all the time.

 

[Blondie]

Yes and No, the whole honeymoon period I was in the best headspace I've ever been in but sadly I get bored quite easily unless somebody keeps me on my toes, so I lose interest and then the thoughts come back

 

[RetroChaos]

Personally, I think so. A lot of people who are dismissive of being with someone just haven't actually been in true love or found someone right. I did, and she left me because of my actions, hence the urge to CTB after so much loss.

Sure, there's nothing wrong with self-improvement and me time, every relationship needs that, but we are social creatures, and there's no better feeling than sharing something meaningful with someone you love.

Just maybe find your true self before devoting spare resources to others. I wish I knew that long ago

 

[7b48hl]

Love isn't real

 

[abyss]

I met someone I really liked and she really liked me until she lost interest. When things were good, I felt great and was very optimistic. Then I felt worse than ever when it was over and still do. But if I wasn't such an idiot and fundamentally broken human being with some mental and emotional/stability and I made it work, who knows. But that's just not what I am regrettably.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Not sure it would make me less suicidal, since being in a relationship adds a lot of pressure that can cause suicidal ideation, but I've always desired it nonetheless. If the relationship was going effortlessly well, then maybe. I'm on mirtazapine now and have more knowledge, so there's a chance it might. Whether it made me less suicidal or not, it's still probably the most desirable thing for me along with making enough money to change my life/help others.

 

[Ixadavt]

Do you think romantic love could help you feel less suicidal? I realized I dream about it almost every night. I cry when I hear touching songs about true devotion.

I've been in love, dated and had sex with girls in the past, but it never developed into a real relationship. I know it comes with its own hurdles, but I believe the happiness it can bring is worth it. I'm 37 and it makes me sad I've never experienced true love.

I'll be 40 in a month, these words feel like they come almost straight from my head.
That being said, I tend to follow the logic others do as well, it never lasts. And when the high is over, I think many us know what's it's like when a high ends. Desperation can seep into a situation that isn't remotely desperate. Also, people, I can't believe it's worth all the effort and energy to sort them out and meet one worth meeting. There are so few.
I have a woman, but I don't think I'd get into one if she wanted a relationship because I'm not sure I have what it takes for the lows. Years I've known her and I know that I love her, but knowing myself, what would it do to her when my issues and insecurities spill onto her.
Love is a suckers game. I know I'm a sucker, but I have to remind myself, it's a suckers game. I need something, they want something too. Is what they want worth the price you pay. My experience says that it isn't even close.

 

[Rounded Apathy]

Many people talking about how things never last, but tell me you've never met or at least heard of a couple who were happily together for all of their days. I admit it's the exception but it does happen. Someone may die first but there was a an elderly couple who received MAID together in I believe Switzerland I read about in the PPH. Tell me that isn't a non-tragic real life, not-stupid Romeo and Juliet!

Obviously every brain is different, and many of us who are here have ones that may be considered even more different than normal, but the loaded concept that "romantic love" is has a phenomenal power to hijack our neurobiochemistry. Extrapolating from my own lived and heard experiences, but I believe that in general it makes people want to live because in a mature and mutually beneficial relationship we begin to conceive of ourselves as more than the discreet singular entity that is our own body/mind combination. There's now an effective tripling of SI; one for the another person and one for the pairing (and this is all assuming monogamy). I very much like one of the first replies here:

Yeah i know how you feel, i was asking my therapist a very similar question. He expressed to me, that love, and a relationship, a well maintained relationship can honestly be a huge encouragement and a reason to live yes, but he compared it to table of legs. Its like you have a table, and that's your life and each leg of a table is a reason to live. And when one leg breaks the other legs will be able to support you. The thing that is hard when you're suicidal and in a relationship, like myself, is that you put all of your will to live on that one leg. And ofcourse it can be something, something but because of the pressure on that one leg, you could be very very stressed of what happens when any arguments and clashes happen, you'll be terrified they will leave, and your one and only leg will break. But that doesn't mean you can't be in love and love someone while learning to love yourself. That's a myth that you can only love when you come to yourself. But unless you try to actively learn to take care of your self you might hurt the person you love.
I know this in my own personal experience. I love someone, but i know he's my only thread of will to live. So i decided that i wanted to get more leg tables to to speak to be able to love him better. I know it's tough, so the answer is yes i think so, just with some conditions almost.

This is pretty solid and I think it extends to more than just "romantic" relationships; having friends is also so helpful and another "leg" I think. People with only friends or only a serious relationship partner are often found wanting for the other. In my short time here I've seen such a common thread of lack of connection with others, either due to internal or external circumstances, being either a primary or secondary factor in why people are here. Human beings are just another squishy writhing bioform and virtually every being in our massive branch of this family tree of life needs some kind of substantial, reciprocal network of relationships in order to survive and thrive.

That said, I also think the totally nerfed position most friends tend to occupy for most people in many cultures puts relationship partners firther up there. Unlike our ape relatives, who randomly groom one another for up to a fifth of their waking hours, our friends tend to fulfill secondary roles in our social lives in many societies and are seen as peripheral to "family". So there's definitely some extra power in a relationship that can spur on the will to live.

 

[Lauriso]

Well said, @Rounded Apathy. In the last week I came to a realization that romantic love means a SHIT TON to me. I need emotional, mental, physical and sexual intimacy. This true all-rounded connection can bring a deep sense of happiness. I recall that clearly. But now I've been romance and touch starved for years. So I'm going to pursue it. Yes, pursue, despite the cliché that love only comes when you don't seek it. Not in my experience. 90% of girlfriends I've had were there because I made an effort, overcame my fears and insecurities, etc. So lately I try to go to concerts or even just take a walk with an intention to approach a pretty girl if I see one. Life isn't gonna hand you love on a platter if you sit alone in your corner.

That said, I also make an effort to deepen friendships with people who vibe with me. The ones who are open-hearted, compassionate and expressive. That also means that I'm letting some other friends fall away, and that's ok. I want quality over quantity.

 

[nosurpries]

yes