Rethinking everything you done now and in the past?

[Postmortam]

Im new here.
Is it just me or does anyelse feel that they think about stuff they have said or done in the past and still do, And that makes them feel low as fk?Even though other might not do the same but you do. Stuff that has happend ages ago, you still think about and contemplate about?

 

[Beautiful Angel]

Especially when your life consist of results of those past decisions yes

 

[4eyebiped]

A version of that is called regret. If you are not careful it will consume you. You can sit back all day thinking about it in an endless loop but the past cannot be changed. We have two options, to either dwell on it, slowly destroying ourselves, or learn from it. The latter is preferrable but it can be hard. Make amends where you can and try to not repeat bad decisions when able.

 

[Beautiful Angel]

A version of that is called regret. If you are not careful it will consume you. You can sit back all day thinking about it in an endless loop but the past cannot be changed. We have two options, to either dwell on it, slowly destroying ourselves, or learn from it. The latter is preferrable but it can be hard. Make amends where you can and try to not repeat bad decisions when able.

The only problem with all that is all of what you just quoted has happened I have already spent too much time alone in my head anyway I can't Even think of a time where I was actually happy and had time to breathe that's the bad part I remember as a little girl sitting wondering why my life was so different from everyone else's I've never had a chance to be happy or loved right By the time my true love came in the picture drugs were involved and took him out and now I'm fighting to get my life together for nothing because as you say from a life of never having anyone to show you anything it's kind of pointless because you don't know how to live no one ever showed you and my mind cannot be changed

 

[Postmortam]

A version of that is called regret. If you are not careful it will consume you. You can sit back all day thinking about it in an endless loop but the past cannot be changed. We have two options, to either dwell on it, slowly destroying ourselves, or learn from it. The latter is preferrable but it can be hard. Make amends where you can and try to not repeat bad decisions when able.

Im not regretting so much as what ive said or done, its more like how its been recived by the other part. how it effects them and how they read it.
Sometimes i feel like i can say stuff that i dont have any harm with but the other person will take it bad. Wondering if there is something wrong with me or rather they way other people read/hear it. Ive been depressed but hardly told anyone, and ive always thought i was a shitty person for getting " bored" with people or stuff, But i realise that ive never been bored, the happiness and drive that person or thing gave me just dispeard.And im thinking if ive said stuff that was out of order in terms of my depression or rather people being in the wrong.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Yes I do this daily. 1 major mistake in my life spiralled everything into hell and I cannot recover from it. I have tried and tried to recover and stop dwelling on the past but I cannot. Because of my mental issues I just keep making mistakes. I ruined the best chance I had at happiness. I want nothing more than to undo the past or erase my memory.

 

[4eyebiped]

@Postmortam I 100% relate to some of that. Often the things I say get misinterpreted. It is highly frustrating when someone gets mad at what you said or claim you meant something other than what you did. It happens enough that it is obvious it must be a problem with me and for that I will take ownership. My ability to put my thoughts into words is extremely hard for me and becomes expodentially harder as the years go on and the depression deepens. This is the main reason I never attended college, I knew I would fail all written assignments.

 

[Postmortam]

@Postmortam I 100% relate to some of that. Often the things I say get misinterpreted. It is highly frustrating when someone gets mad at what you said or claim you meant something other than what you did. It happens enough that it is obvious it must be a problem with me and for that I will take ownership. My ability to put my thoughts into words is extremely hard for me and becomes expodentially harder as the years go on and the depression deepens. This is the main reason I never attended college, I knew I would fail all written assignments.

My problem is that, im actually got it good, ive got people around me that care for me, and got a stable and good job, But I still feel this emptyness that i dont feel whole cause no one really understands me, that i have to put on a mask so i can relate to people. Even though i try to be myself, i cant cause i dont want to bother people with my own problems. Ive never had suicide thoughts until recently, where i feel like my existence really doesnt matter even though people tend to tell me. that i am cannonfodder and anyone could do that job for them.

 

[Fedrea]

Im new here.
Is it just me or does anyelse feel that they think about stuff they have said or done in the past and still do, And that makes them feel low as fk?Even though other might not do the same but you do. Stuff that has happend ages ago, you still think about and contemplate about?

I CONSTANTLY want to turn back time now, I had over six incredibly shit things happen to me within eight years and my brain has had a meltdown with the latest one. Like come one, surely I can just go back a few months or years?

 

[Postmortam]

I CONSTANTLY want to turn back time now, I had over six incredibly shit things happen to me within eight years and my brain has had a meltdown with the latest one. Like come one, surely I can just go back a few months or years?

do u feel the need to CTB or rather redo what u did?

 

[Fedrea]

do u feel the need to CTB or rather redo what u did?

If I could redo it I'd do that. I had a lot even a few years ago on retrospect. Chronic physical health problems, but I had a loving family, I was often told I was pretty, decent brain, cheerful person who found life super interesting despite living with physical health problems for a long time. But I had absolutely no idea what repeated trauma and bullying and most of all guilt and depression and extra physical suffering can do to your brain.

as currently there is no option to turn back time, ctb plans are in process. I've lost too much. Fuck this. Fucking annoying though.

 

[Postmortam]

If I could redo it I'd do that. I had a lot even a few years ago on retrospect. Chronic physical health problems, but I had a loving family, I was often told I was pretty, decent brain, cheerful person who found life super interesting despite living with physical health problems for a long time. But I had absolutely no idea what repeated trauma and bullying and most of all guilt and depression and extra physical suffering can do to your brain.

as currently there is no option to turn back time, ctb plans are in process. I've lost too much. Fuck this. Fucking annoying though.

Have you tried telling anyonr about it? And if so how did they react?

 

[schopenh]

Very often I'll recall things and get flushed and 'go red' with the embarrassment I'm feeling. Happens more often at night when I'm trying to sleep. Although what you're talking about seems to be a whole other level

 

[Bruces]

Yes I look at my life and see utter utter failure

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

Every second im awake i rewind everything that happened in past. It hurts me and at same time it keeps me going

 

[Postmortam]

Very often I'll recall things and get flushed and 'go red' with the embarrassment I'm feeling. Happens more often at night when I'm trying to sleep. Although what you're talking about seems to be a whole other level

Can u explain in detail what u mean by this? Im curious to know cause i dont know myself, all i know is i feel alone even though i have people around me. No one can really give me that good feeling.

Every second im awake i rewind everything that happened in past. It hurts me and at same time it keeps me going

I feel your pain.

 

[Fedrea]

Have you tried telling anyonr about it? And if so how did they react?

Ha yes many times. Nobody can rewind the past for you

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I am constantly stuck going over every single error I've made in my life while feeling unable to prevent myself from making new ones.

 

[Postmortam]

Ha yes many times. Nobody can rewind the past for you

How did they react?

 

[Fedrea]

How did they react?

In terms of what I'd done? People close to me don't think there's anything to feel bad about, if you discuss with a professional etc they will take a non-judgemental approach. how about you?

 

[Postmortam]

In terms of what I'd done? People close to me don't think there's anything to feel bad about, if you discuss with a professional etc they will take a non-judgemental approach. how about you?

Sorry for the late reply, i havent actually told anyone my deepest and darkest thoughts or emotions. I feel like i cant connect to people the way i want to. Its all shallow and empty, i used to feel like i could tell my exes but could never really tell them what really was going on in my head cause i dont think anyone would handle it. Im suprised i even stuck so far, always finding something to distract me and when that distraction becomes dull, ive come bk to square 1. Ive thought maybe weed would help me be more comfertable to talk to people but i tried vape and it fucked me up and i felt like i was dieing. I always try to make people
Smile or feel safe cause deep down thats all i wanted but with every betrayal and every lie ive come to realise, i will never achive that. And its stuff thats small that bugs me, in my head i would take a bullet for anyone that i dedicate my self to, but when no one gives you that feeling back and eventually forgets u it hurts. Like your existence and impact on someones life was so small that it never mattered if u were there or not. Ive always tried to think positively about life but its hard when people dont have the same dedication and love like you do.