Venting Resetting life

[glitterproof]

I've played video games for as long as I can remember. I didn't really excel at people, so it was a friend that I didn't have to try with.

I remember as a kid I always liked the start of games. It sounds weird, it is weird, but I always ended up restarting the game half way through and starting again because I just liked the start more and didn't want to finish going through the parts I didn't like. My go-to for this was Fable - The Lost Chapters, I'd spend school breaks playing it over and over again, restarting and restarting.

As I've grown up I've noticed that as I'm leaving the "start" of my life, I just want to reset. I liked the start of my life, I was a pretty good kid and I was thankfully very lucky to have a great upbringing. Mental illness crept up in my late teens and persists to this day, and I often find myself wanting to go back and replay life. Not even to do anything differently, I just want to relive those moments I took for granted not knowing what troubles were hiding around the corner for me.

I think the key difference between playing video games and living is that I don't know how my life is going to turn out or end, yet I'd be prepared to go back in a heart beat just like playing a game. Sad thing is, life isn't a game. There's no going back and the only similarity is that I can quit all together.

As I got older I really couldn't play games for long, I'd just quit because I was sick of whatever I was playing. Day after day it's feeling more and more likely that I may have to settle for quitting, I'm not too interested in my end game.

Things have been a bit tough recently so I just wanted to through my thoughts out there, pardon me for stepping on a soap box for a pointless rant. Hopefully it's an interesting take for some

 

[Supersadmommy90]

It was an interesting take. I agree that I miss the beginning part of my life. I had a lot of potential as a younger person that I didn't really get to use to the fullest. Basically at this point my life is a salvage operation. There are areas that are completely screwed up and irreparable at this point. When you're young, all doors are open. It's when they start to slam in your face that you really start to look for a way out. I wish I could go back to the beginning too even though knowing myself I probably would have made all the same mistakes I made. But just to relive my youth exactly the same way again... I would do it in a heartbeat. Being in my 30s now I'm really starting to accept that it's over. Like I said I screwed up, so I'm living in a tattered, broken reality that is continuing to break down. Part of me wants to just get it over with ASAP and pull the band aid off quickly through ctb. But there are still merits to me being around, looking after my family and certain things I feel God still wants me to achieve. Buy I am sick of life's disappointments and i would give anything to press restart.

 

[randomz]

I get what you mean and frankly, I would like a reset too.