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i am so lainpilled :3 (? days left)
- Apr 15, 2023
- 248
She may as well be braindead because there is nothing behind those beady eyes of hers. She radiates nothing but negativity and unpleasantness and has never once said "I'm sorry" or even "I love you". My childhood was spent being physically and emotionally abused by her as she actively strived to make my life worse. Although I should mention that I wasn't (exactly) neglected in other regards. There was food to eat and school activities were paid for but that's really it. She never taught me how to tie my shoelaces, cook, clean, regulate my emotions, deal with being mistreated by teachers and students alike, manage my hair texture, (like I have considering shaving it off and just resorting to wigs or embracing the buzzcut lifestyle since I don't have the fine motor skills to braid and every course seems to be like $200 an hour where I am). All she ever did was assault me viciously when I would be unable to do something I was never taught. I feel like she intentionally restricted my independence since I wasn't even allowed to try and learn these skills on my own and until 14/15, the only kitchen appliance I could use was the microwave. She also had this habit of calling a couple minutes before the final bell and basically screaming "WHERE ARE YOU?" and basically harassing me until I got home (and would sometimes beat me if I arrived later than 4pm). Until I initially left that home around 14, I wasn't even allowed to go to the nearby shops alone and had to bring my sister along and I do recall a time where she started freaking out over 1pm supposedly being "almost nighttime". She has always been fairly unintelligent and I have never had any maternal connection to her whatsoever so it's not all that surprising that I hate her but I never understood why she would be so unnecessarily overprotective whilst also fostering a violent and unsupportive environment at home. Honestly wish I ignored her threats and called the cops on her again (although they'd probably side with the "doting single mother" over the "ungrateful child" or some shit). Merely being alive to even remember all this bullshit is enough to make me want to CTB. How am I supposed to get over the fact that I was basically set up for failure because all she ever did was basically be a helicopter parent whilst also inflicting extreme and irrational violence against my younger self (yes irrational as in she would invent a reason out of nowhere and overreact by slamming me into the floor, choking me viciously attacking me with objects and leaving me with scratches and bruises). It's difficult to forget about a past that basically defined the fucked up present that I currently exist in. Since I moved back in with her, she's not as physically abusive but still has the bloody nerve to act like she never did anything wrong and pull the "after all I've done" card when all she's done is torment me since I was born. I hate how some people, such as myself, get stuck having to rely on vile and vindictive individuals such as her to nurture and support them only to grow up and realise that they never liked this person but only felt obligated to.
