ScaredOfMachines
I am who I am
- Nov 8, 2024
- 62
I went out to eat with my family for the first time in forever, and I bumped into someone while I was in there. It was someone who I went to middle school with, I guess he was visiting his family for the holidays. and someone I went to summer camp with a few times. I wouldn't have called us friends, but we had talked a bit about topics that were kind of strange for middle school, so I guess we saw eye-to-eye. We were considered to be some of the smartest kids in the grade as well. Stuck up for me against the other kids a few times too. After we had graduated middle school, he got great grades easily, collected awards like they were candy, and flew through high school until he eventually ended up at Stanford. Meanwhile, I flunked senior year, couldn't go to a college because I couldn't live on my own and ended up living like a leech on disability.
We both had the exact same start, but ended up in completely different situations. Hell, even at the restaurant we were at, he was surrounded by a smiling happy family while I sat at a quiet one, with only the people there who felt obligated to. Even when it came to appearances, he looked professional and well-groomed, while I was sitting there with my overgrown hair and the video game hoodie I had thrown on because I was lazy. But I strangely didn't feel jealous at all, it got me wondering.
Would I have ended up like that if I wasn't the way that I am? Able to go to college with dreams of a career, a family that's proud of me and not just embarrassed, with a long and bright future ahead instead of just dreaming about the day that I catch the bus? It sounds so unlike me that it kind of makes me feel sad. It's difficult for me to imagine, and it makes me wonder if I was just meant to end up this way. But there's this nagging thought that I could have had that too, if I didn't make the choices that I have.
Does anyone else feel this way about people you know? And if you're wondering what was said when bumped into each other, it was nothing. I recognized him, but I don't think he recognized me at all. Or maybe he did and was just so disgusted by what I'd become that he ignored me. Who knows at this point.
We both had the exact same start, but ended up in completely different situations. Hell, even at the restaurant we were at, he was surrounded by a smiling happy family while I sat at a quiet one, with only the people there who felt obligated to. Even when it came to appearances, he looked professional and well-groomed, while I was sitting there with my overgrown hair and the video game hoodie I had thrown on because I was lazy. But I strangely didn't feel jealous at all, it got me wondering.
Would I have ended up like that if I wasn't the way that I am? Able to go to college with dreams of a career, a family that's proud of me and not just embarrassed, with a long and bright future ahead instead of just dreaming about the day that I catch the bus? It sounds so unlike me that it kind of makes me feel sad. It's difficult for me to imagine, and it makes me wonder if I was just meant to end up this way. But there's this nagging thought that I could have had that too, if I didn't make the choices that I have.
Does anyone else feel this way about people you know? And if you're wondering what was said when bumped into each other, it was nothing. I recognized him, but I don't think he recognized me at all. Or maybe he did and was just so disgusted by what I'd become that he ignored me. Who knows at this point.