Relying on S/O to stay alive

[littlesadbunny]

I know its always deemed cruel and unfair to rely on your partner as your reason to be alive and I understand why. But I cant seem to help it. For a little back story I've been suicidal/depressed a long time before I met him, however I'm almost 100% sure if things ended between us now I would end my life, and I hate that I feel that way as I know its unhealthy for both people. However I'm also pretty sure I wouldnt be alive right now if I hadn't met him in the first place, as I actually had a date to CTB but then met him and I never went through with it. Does anyone else have any similar situations?

 

[Ghost2211]

yes, I am in the exact same position. My ex left me, and it put me in a very suicidal position. He is basically know the difference of life and death since good interactions keep me happier and bad interactions make me unstable. I'm sure it is a very difficult burden for him, but at the same time it is outside of my control.

just try to be as loving and supportive as you can. As hard as it is at times talk to us about your suicidal ideation's instead of him. It will only add to the stress and burden to make him overly aware of how fragile the situation is, and it may compromise the relationship.

 

[itsmeagain]

I'm having similar thoughts as @RoseyBird . Because a lot of the time, if you tell someone about your suicidal thoughts, it puts a lot on them. They can feel like they're trapped in the relationship and if they leave they're doing something wrong.

I had the same thing happen with my ex. I had that exact problem. He stayed with me until he thought I got *better*, and was thinking about breaking up with me, but lied to me. So... 2 years later, and I finally get broken up with.

I really don't want to be that type ofperson to tell you to hide things. Sometimes people take it well, but sometimes it's really difficult and dangerous to let people know.

 

[littlesadbunny]

yes, I am in the exact same position. My ex left me, and it put me in a very suicidal position. He is basically know the difference of life and death since good interactions keep me happier and bad interactions make me unstable. I'm sure it is a very difficult burden for him, but at the same time it is outside of my control.

just try to be as loving and supportive as you can. As hard as it is at times talk to us about your suicidal ideation's instead of him. It will only add to the stress and burden to make him overly aware of how fragile the situation is, and it may compromise the relationship.

Thank you, I will try talking in here about it instead. I know he struggles with it but like you said its really not something that can be controlled

 

[Cherrybreeze]

I've let this same thing go on for too long. He can't and is not responsible for my happiness. We just split up and I'm letting him go. Then I can. He'll still be heartbroken, I believe, but I know he'll be ok and move on in the long run. Being with me as I've gotten worse has been so damaging to him, and I love him too much to hurt him further. One last time, and then no more. :(

 

[littlesadbunny]

I'm having similar thoughts as @RoseyBird . Because a lot of the time, if you tell someone about your suicidal thoughts, it puts a lot on them. They can feel like they're trapped in the relationship and if they leave they're doing something wrong.

I had the same thing happen with my ex. I had that exact problem. He stayed with me until he thought I got *better*, and was thinking about breaking up with me, but lied to me. So... 2 years later, and I finally get broken up with.

I really don't want to be that type ofperson to tell you to hide things. Sometimes people take it well, but sometimes it's really difficult and dangerous to let people know.

I'm sorry he only stayed with you when he thought you were 'better'. and yes it's extremely difficult to find the balance of hiding things but considering their feelings at the same time

 

[itsmeagain]

But right now, I'm in a sort of position where I'm not seeing someone... but they're into me. I really don't want to hurt anyone if i ctb, but I guess this sort of thing is now back on the fence. I honestly think that sometimes staying alive for someone, when absolutely nothing else works, is worth it. If anything brings you joy that's not hurting anyone else, then it's worth it.

(Sorry for the double post, my computer died(

 

[littlesadbunny]

But right now, I'm in a sort of position where I'm not seeing someone... but they're into me. I really don't want to hurt anyone if i ctb, but I guess this sort of thing is now back on the fence. I honestly think that sometimes staying alive for someone, when absolutely nothing else works, is worth it. If anything brings you joy that's not hurting anyone else, then it's worth it.

(Sorry for the double post, my computer died(

That's a very good point actually. if you can both find happiness in each other and youre alive then theres no harm in it

 

[highlyvolatile]

my ex was one of the reasons I'd try to stay. but they're all i can think about now and i don't know what to do. he doesn't want shit to do with me and he's all on my heart and mind... i wish i could hypnotise myself.

 

[helfire]

Don't feel bad for relying on your SO to stay alive, sometimes we just need a reason to stay and it's ok if that is the reason.
In my case I have nothing left, I have no reasons to stay. But I wish I had a SO, that would def be one reason to make me stay

 

[littlesadbunny]

Don't feel bad for relying on your SO to stay alive, sometimes we just need a reason to stay and it's ok if that is the reason.
In my case I have nothing left, I have no reasons to stay. But I wish I had a SO, that would def be one reason to make me stay

I'm very grateful to have a reason to be alive, I just feel bad when I realise how much pressure that must be on him

my ex was one of the reasons I'd try to stay. but they're all i can think about now and i don't know what to do. he doesn't want shit to do with me and he's all on my heart and mind... i wish i could hypnotise myself.

that's what I'm a little scared of, he could be my reason to live or ultimately the reason I ctb. I hate the uncertainty

 

[Comfortably Numb]

I'm slightly different in that I'd love to end it with my current partner but he won't leave me alone. I came out of a long term (15 year) very abusive relationship and had to relocate, with police and women's aid assistance hundreds of miles away from home. He's due to be released from prison soon and has no idea where I am. I now live in a very rural area and have found it very hard to trust people and make friends around here so its quite lonely and isolating. I met someone who lives close by and initially he was wonderful, understanding, generous and a positive influence, but over time he has become soooOOOO incredibly controlling, manipulative, needy and generally not a very nice person. He knows about my past and tries to use my vulnerability. Sometimes its better than being completely alone and at other times I want it all to end right now !!

 

[teddybear1403]

I'm in the same exact position right now, and it's very hard. There's a line between telling your most imporant person ever that you're suicidal and looking manipulative because she so happens to want to leave you.

 

[littlesadbunny]

I'm in the same exact position right now, and it's very hard. There's a line between telling your most imporant person ever that you're suicidal and looking manipulative because she so happens to want to leave you.

right? I just wanna be honest but I dont wanna hurt him at the same time.

 

[justfloating]

yes, I am in the exact same position. My ex left me, and it put me in a very suicidal position. He is basically know the difference of life and death since good interactions keep me happier and bad interactions make me unstable. I'm sure it is a very difficult burden for him, but at the same time it is outside of my control.

just try to be as loving and supportive as you can. As hard as it is at times talk to us about your suicidal ideation's instead of him. It will only add to the stress and burden to make him overly aware of how fragile the situation is, and it may compromise the relationship.

im in the same situation. after my ex left everything came crashing down around me. he's currently cut me off but says he will meet and talk to me in the future. I'm waiting for that day and if things go well then good, but if they go bad I have plans to CTB.

im not going to tell him this because it cruel, but I need to know if theres a chance I can be happy before I can CTB.

Its hard to find a balance between being open so they can help, and scaring them off because they are afraid they will cause you to CTB which will lead you to CTB.

my ex cut me off because he knew I relied on him. fucking stupid. he did it in the relationship too, ignoring me because 'he can't always be there for me' which is true but unnecessary when he can be there

 

[BPDbitch]

I'm also pretty sure I wouldnt be alive right now if I hadn't met him in the first place, as I actually had a date to CTB but then met him and I never went through with it. Does anyone else have any similar situations?

I got into my last relationship five days before my CTB date, and I kind of wish I hadn't because then I would have died in 2017.

 

[Suicide_vampire]

OK I'm going to give a different perspective to this. Just to let you know I'm 47, been married a couple of times and have also been suicidal most of my life.
You are talking about SO's and such how they are your reason to live.
My second ex wife was both physically and psychologically abusive. And she used to threaten to ctb regularly. I was used as a manipulative tool on her part, all this did was push me further away.
To be honest you need to find your own reason for being outside of the relationship. Now I'm not saying any of you are like my ex, I'm just putting over the perspective of someone who has been on the receiving end.
I'm here to chat if anyone wants too.

 

[littlesadbunny]

I got into my last relationship five days before my CTB date, and I kind of wish I hadn't because then I would have died in 2017.

Yeah I had my CTB date set for New years eve 2018, but met my boyfriend a month or so before

OK I'm going to give a different perspective to this. Just to let you know I'm 47, been married a couple of times and have also been suicidal most of my life.
You are talking about SO's and such how they are your reason to live.
My second ex wife was both physically and psychologically abusive. And she used to threaten to ctb regularly. I was used as a manipulative tool on her part, all this did was push me further away.
To be honest you need to find your own reason for being outside of the relationship. Now I'm not saying any of you are like my ex, I'm just putting over the perspective of someone who has been on the receiving end.
I'm here to chat if anyone wants too.

I'm sorry you were abused. My ex was also abusive in the same way and threatened to ctb if I left him so I know how unfair that is. I would never threaten it or blame my suicidal thoughts on my boyfriend