Hi this is my first post here, I'm a male an 20 years old
Basically around this time last year I went to beachy head in the UK to kill myself, but I knew it was going to be my last day so I did all the things I enjoyed, ate all the food I wanted listened to all my favourite music and drove my car half way across the country, the weather was beautiful and when I got there I was in awe at how pretty beachy head was, but still I was incredbibly sad, a single low life who got into some trouble and felt like it was the end, It got to sunset and I had my camera, I was approached by the suicide team but just said I was a photographer and like, I was hanging off the highest point, and the waves were softly crashing across the bottom, I threw some chalk and it took about 3 or 4 seconds til i heard it crash, I could have done it but my day was so good that I was too overwhelemed and just cried, before seeing the eerie flashlights again and scuttled back to my car.
Anyway I'm in some financial difficulty right now, work burned down and theyve only got a couple people in and i still havent heard from my most recent interview, i keep saying horrible things to my girlfriend when I'm drunk and like I really fucking hate myself, i see myself as more and more of a monster with each passing day and I hate it because I used to see myself as a kind friendly person, I think I still am but like I'm just so fucking ugly and viscious sometimes. I'm really fucking considering it, like life isn't throwing opportunities at me here, I've wanted to die for a long time, I had a break because new relationship but that was just over a year ago now, but even my girlfriend is starting to become upset with general life/living with herself{/maybe me?}
Basically around this time last year I went to beachy head in the UK to kill myself, but I knew it was going to be my last day so I did all the things I enjoyed, ate all the food I wanted listened to all my favourite music and drove my car half way across the country, the weather was beautiful and when I got there I was in awe at how pretty beachy head was, but still I was incredbibly sad, a single low life who got into some trouble and felt like it was the end, It got to sunset and I had my camera, I was approached by the suicide team but just said I was a photographer and like, I was hanging off the highest point, and the waves were softly crashing across the bottom, I threw some chalk and it took about 3 or 4 seconds til i heard it crash, I could have done it but my day was so good that I was too overwhelemed and just cried, before seeing the eerie flashlights again and scuttled back to my car.
Anyway I'm in some financial difficulty right now, work burned down and theyve only got a couple people in and i still havent heard from my most recent interview, i keep saying horrible things to my girlfriend when I'm drunk and like I really fucking hate myself, i see myself as more and more of a monster with each passing day and I hate it because I used to see myself as a kind friendly person, I think I still am but like I'm just so fucking ugly and viscious sometimes. I'm really fucking considering it, like life isn't throwing opportunities at me here, I've wanted to die for a long time, I had a break because new relationship but that was just over a year ago now, but even my girlfriend is starting to become upset with general life/living with herself{/maybe me?}
