Venting Regret, regret, regret

[Sprite_Geist]

I'm 27 - that's not young anymore (to me) and it makes me feel like rubbish. I never wanted to live to this age anyway - always wanted to die before my mid-20's... In fact I actually tried to commit suicide once; I came really close to ending my life right before my 21st birthday. I remember that night very well. I didn't fully go through with it though - I decided to give life a chance, and here I am now.

You know what? I honestly regret it. I regret not taking myself out that night years back... At least I would have died young! I'm so angry with myself that I didn't die at that age; I feel like my life might have had a little bit of value if I did.

I can't really say I died "young" at 27, and I'm hoping to do it withing the next few months, but I can still stop myself from getting to 30, because that's the really depressing age.

If I had a time machine I would revisit that night years ago and finish what I started. I would have ended my story there and then.

 

[GoBack]

Oh I loved being 30, was the age I stopped caring what other people thought and just lived. Still got my life ruined all over again though. You just can't let your guard down on this planet

 

[suffering]

I told myself I will never get to see my 30s.. But I didn't have what it takes to end it. here I am, living a mediocre life full of shit, yeah, in my 30s.

 

[Painless_end]

I'm 31. Life was much better before 30. Now I'm screwed badly because of my internal mental limitations leading me consider suicide almost every day.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Hi. I'm 27 too. I don't want to reach the 30s. I must die before that. Can't let that happen.

 

[FreddieQuell]

Age is just a number that has no special meaning unless you choose to see it like that. It's not like your life suddenly gets worse or better because you've hit a certain age.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It makes sense to me that at 27 you no longer feel young, because your brain has finished developing. The foundations for impulse control and cognitive processing are in place. I recall really feeling like I was starting to come into my own around 25. Like @GoBack, I started giving less unnecessary fucks at 30, and that progresses nicely to where I am now at 49. It's so freeing!

But I was never "suicidal," that is, it wasn't a foundational or influential part of how I functioned. There were times I considered it, but it did not become a rational response to overwhelming external issues until the past few years, when the external issues became increasingly imposing and insurmountable.

So I can't say to people that things will get better or tell them what they'll experience at certain ages, because not everyone functions as I do, nor will have the same life experiences, problems, or opportunities. I can't tell them that they won't regret having gone on to more life experiences and revisiting the option later, everyone is different. Instead, I've come to support one's right to self-determination in defining themselves, figuring things out for themselves, and coming to their own conclusions, choices, and subsequent actions. I don't control them and I can't fix shit for them, but I can respect and honor them, even when I don't agree with their definitions, conclusions or choices, because none of that is about me. I want the freedom of all those things for myself and defend them, so I support and defend them for others as well.