ladolcemorte
Experienced
- May 5, 2019
- 286
I'm in the coffee shop, after my shrink's appointment. (A coffee and fizzy water are my reward for leaving the house)
At a table across from me there are two women having a lively conversation. One woman is exactly how I used to be: dynamic, fashionable, and funny. She is about 10 years older than me and has some kind of job where she gets to travel. She and her friend are laughing and sharing these beautiful authentic moments of joy and friendship.
I am so envious of this woman. She is who I wanted to be when I "grew up" and I feel like I could have grown up to be like her, if only I had done things differently. The regret is eating me alive. I feel like there is a shark living in my belly and it is just gnawing away at my stomach lining, then moving on to my throat.
It reminds me of a quote from the movie "Magnolia". The dying guy cries out in despair: "the regret...the goddamn regret". That is how I am feeling about coming to terms with the end of my life. What hurts the most is the regret...the goddamn regret....
At a table across from me there are two women having a lively conversation. One woman is exactly how I used to be: dynamic, fashionable, and funny. She is about 10 years older than me and has some kind of job where she gets to travel. She and her friend are laughing and sharing these beautiful authentic moments of joy and friendship.
I am so envious of this woman. She is who I wanted to be when I "grew up" and I feel like I could have grown up to be like her, if only I had done things differently. The regret is eating me alive. I feel like there is a shark living in my belly and it is just gnawing away at my stomach lining, then moving on to my throat.
It reminds me of a quote from the movie "Magnolia". The dying guy cries out in despair: "the regret...the goddamn regret". That is how I am feeling about coming to terms with the end of my life. What hurts the most is the regret...the goddamn regret....