Venting Redditor who decided to forgo his method

[TAW122]

Here is an example of someone who decided to get help and I have mixed feelings about his decision. Anyways, below is u/MyNonCreativeID's post:

I needed help.
I needed a way out.
And my firearm was the only way out.
Except it is not.
It's NOT the only way out...
I did what was necessary to get myself out.
So I called the cops.
Three officers came out to help me.
They did not shame me. They did not take me away in handcuffs. Instead they simply asked me what was going on. I told them the truth, I have suicidal thoughts and no plans, but I am so deeply afraid of what might happen if I keep my gun.
They went inside, and took it. They will give it to my friend who will hold onto it until I have time to sell it.
But it's out of my hands. The heavy weight is off of my shoulders.
The thought was CONSTANTLY there. "You have the gun. Why not play with it a little bit... hold it to your hand. Play with the trigger. Fantasize about death. Why not..."
But I didn't even want to play with it... not anymore.
We talked for about 15 minutes, they knew I was not a threat to myself or others, and they HELPED.
Thank you officers for helping me tonight. You saved my life.

To be fair, on one hand, I'm glad and happy to hear that he is okay with his decision and happy to have been saved as well as having a happy ending (no injuries or involuntary hospitalization, civil/legal consequences, etc.). However, on the other hand, I'm a bit disgusted at just the mere throwing away of such a reliable means of escape (I guess he could acquire more in the future, but that's another point altogether). Perhaps this is because of my tenet and belief that goes against his, which is that "having a means of escape is liberating and relief for otherwise a seemingly desolation situation." In short, I'm not saying what he did was wrong for him, but just that I do not agree with him and that just giving up such a reliable method really stings.

GIven that this is a pro-choice forum, I am not going to tell anyone whether they should get help or not, it is ultimately up to the individual, or oneself to make that decision. However, I'm just giving my two cents and explaining why I don't agree with the OP of that thread just by giving up one's own method.

Does anyone feel similarly?

 

[sadworld]

I know what you mean but I think when he's happy with his decision than it's all good.

 

[tidalwxves]

I think disgust is kind of extreme, CTB is such a huge desicion. If he knows he's not ready but feels like having a gun is to much of a temptation to do something rushed and rash then he made the right decision. He did what what was best for him and shared that process. There isn't anything to be disgusted about. How can you not agree with a stranger about a decision they made and feel confident about that didn't harm anyone else? I'm confused.

We aren't ok with the people who talk about those who CTB and say "they took the easy way out" or they are selfish, and that behavior should be condemned. This feels like similar rhetoric, just for the opposite choice. It's judging someone for making their own decision for their own future. I can't speak to you intentions though, and generally agree with most of the things you post. This just caught me off guard a bit.

 

[RainAndSadness]

I'm not sure if I understand the intentions of this redditor. I really don't see how giving away your gun solves any problems. You just locked yourself in a prison. Giving away your method doesn't stop you from being suicidal, right? And I ask myself, why would I give away my only peaceful way out of this terrible nightmare we call life? Hell, I'd never give my N away ever, even if I for some reason, stopped feeling suicidal out of the blue. I would keep it. You never know what's gonna happen in the future and there might come a time where you actually appreciate having a peaceful way out. It doesn't even have to be related to your mental health. You could have an accident or a sickness that suddenly turns our life around for the worse. I think everyone should have N at home, for the absolute emergency. Obviously, this requires some minimum amount of self-control but that shouldn't be too hard.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Okay, I'm going to be blunt. There's some criticism here, but it's not meant with unkindness, just...blunt. That person who was quoted was suffering emotional and mental torture by having the reliable means around. To be honest, your being a bit disgusted, I instantly found a bit disgusting and mypoic.

It's like when someone throws away SN for the same reasons, and other members who can't get SN post that they're upset, or complain that they can't get it, or send it to them, etc. It's a bit narcissistic, and lacking in awareness, respect and empathy for the experience of the suffering person who got rid of either method.

I know we all have our "me me me" moments, but when someone is in deep pain, it's a good time to work on awareness of others, to practice self-restraint and tryna not be a jerk.

Yes, I'm speaking from a moral high pony. I hope I don't fall. I have my narcissistic moments, too, I get bruised when I recognize them. TAW, I say with equality and respect, you also have moral high ponies, so I'm speaking to you eye to eye, saddle to saddle, not talking down to you.

 

[Meditation guide]

I really don't see how giving away your gun solves any problems.

It sounds bogus to me. The whole story. If someone is really thinking of ctb they won't be relieved of that by not having a gun.

 

[262653]

Does anyone feel similarly?

I can't relate to that guy, what he did, and the way he writes about his situation. It's not clear to me why he wanted to die in the first place...

You know... it really does cause a lot of stress. Just being suicidal alone, not having access to it anymore is pretty nice.
I'm sitting here eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and I feel safer now without it than with it.

For me, pretty nice is having the access to the means, and stressful not to have. I bet he treats his suicidality as an adversary, while I'm siding against survival instinct. I don't know how it happened, how do some people side with SI and against suicide thoughts.

Without SI I wouldn't have to be afraid of life going very bad, because I would be able to off myself without much effort. I've already lived for 8 years without suicidal thoughts, without the idea that I can put the effort into ending my life, and those were the worst years of my life, not being aware of having a nightmare, and not knowing how to take control of that nightmare, or to wake up from it.

People who treat their own suicidality as an enemy -- I just don't understand them... Unless he's religious and believes that suicide will only make things worse for him, that it will backfire pretty hard.

I don't buy this story, I call a snake. I see absolutely no benefit believing in the truthfulness of this story. If the story is true, then fine, sure, whatever, but if I had a gun, I wouldn't be giving it away.

 

[TAW122]

I think disgust is kind of extreme, CTB is such a huge desicion. If he knows he's not ready but feels like having a gun is to much of a temptation to do something rushed and rash then he made the right decision. He did what what was best for him and shared that process. There isn't anything to be disgusted about. How can you not agree with a stranger about a decision they made and feel confident about that didn't harm anyone else? I'm confused.

We aren't ok with the people who talk about those who CTB and say "they took the easy way out" or they are selfish, and that behavior should be condemned. This feels like similar rhetoric, just for the opposite choice. It's judging someone for making their own decision for their own future. I can't speak to you intentions though, and generally agree with most of the things you post. This just caught me off guard a bit.

I guess what I cannot agree with (I still respect his decision even if I don't agree with him and listed my reasoning) is the fact that he took a big risk (which in today's world with how LE responds to suicidal people) that could make things much worse for him and then him losing a means of escape from a pro-life world that he is pushed to participate without any say (by default - because one is not allowed to freely exit this world without risk of intervention and has to do so in secrecy, covertly.). I also emphasized that while I feel happy for him on one hand, on the other hand (mainly speaking for myself) I would not agree with it and just the fact that he did what he did, I felt a sense of hurt (losing a reliable means to exit). I hope this clears things up.

I'm not sure if I understand the intentions of this redditor. I really don't see how giving away your gun solves any problems. You just locked yourself in a prison. Giving away your method doesn't stop you from being suicidal, right? And I ask myself, why would I give away my only peaceful way out of this terrible nightmare we call life? Hell, I'd never give my N away ever, even if I for some reason, stopped feeling suicidal out of the blue. I would keep it. You never know what's gonna happen in the future and there might come a time where you actually appreciate having a peaceful way out. It doesn't even have to be related to your mental health. You could have an accident or a sickness that suddenly turns our life around for the worse. I think everyone should have N at home, for the absolute emergency. Obviously, this requires some minimum amount of self-control but that shouldn't be too hard.

I believe the intentions of this Redditor is mainly to share his story on how not all LE are bad or treat suicidal people like criminals or hurt them as well as how he is relieved at not having his method. I fully agree with you in regards to always having a method whenever possible and that there is never any guarantee that there wouldn't be a sudden change in life that one would wish to have a reliable means of escaping this 'prison' called life. This is why when I (temporarily) did not have access to my method, I was restless, less at peace, and more desolate than before (From beginning of this year until end of this summer), then when I reacquired my means, I felt relieved and calm again.

Okay, I'm going to be blunt. There's some criticism here, but it's not meant with unkindness, just...blunt. That person who was quoted was suffering emotional and mental torture by having the reliable means around. To be honest, your being a bit disgusted, I instantly found a bit disgusting and mypoic.

It's like when someone throws away SN for the same reasons, and other members who can't get SN post that they're upset, or complain that they can't get it, or send it to them, etc. It's a bit narcissistic, and lacking in awareness, respect and empathy for the experience of the suffering person who got rid of either method.

I know we all have our "me me me" moments, but when someone is in deep pain, it's a good time to work on awareness of others, to practice self-restraint and tryna not be a jerk.

Yes, I'm speaking from a moral high pony. I hope I don't fall. I have my narcissistic moments, too, I get bruised when I recognize them. TAW, I say with equality and respect, you also have moral high ponies, so I'm speaking to you eye to eye, saddle to saddle, not talking down to you.

No worries, I didn't take it as talking down to me. I see your reasoning and while we both agree to disagree with each other, I do emphasize that I'm happy that he had a positive outcome, but that (speaking for myself of course) I wouldn't be happy to do so in his situation, mainly throwing away means of a reliable exit. I will admit, there may be a slight bias on my part since I own a firearm myself and I could not accept losing a means of escape, a means of defense, a means of a hobby. Again, I respect his decision and if he's happy with it that's great for him; I simply just don't agree with him. I believe one can respect yet disagree with another's decision.

It sounds bogus to me. The whole story. If someone is really thinking of ctb they won't be relieved of that by not having a gun.

That's possible too, but I am going to take it that what the OP posted is true unless proven otherwise.

I can't relate to that guy, what he did, and the way he writes about his situation. It's not clear to me why he wanted to die in the first place...

For me, pretty nice is having the access to the means, and stressful not to have. I bet he treats his suicidality as an adversary, while I'm siding against survival instinct. I don't know how it happened, how do some people side with SI and against suicide thoughts.

Without SI I wouldn't have to be afraid of life going very bad, because I would be able to off myself without much effort. I've already lived for 8 years without suicidal thoughts, without the idea that I can put the effort into ending my life, and those were the worst years of my life, not being aware of having a nightmare, and not knowing how to take control of that nightmare, or to wake up from it.

People who treat their own suicidality as an enemy -- I just don't understand them... Unless he's religious and believes that suicide will only make things worse for him, that it will backfire pretty hard.

I don't buy this story, I call a snake. I see absolutely no benefit believing in the truthfulness of this story. If the story is true, then fine, sure, whatever, but if I had a gun, I wouldn't be giving it away.

Very true, and yes I would NEVER just give away my means of escape. I could never predict what will happen in the future and it is always better to have something on standby (even if I don't end up using it) than not to have it when the situation arises.

 

[sadworld]

I think everyone should have N at home

I would love to have N at home

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I respect his decision and if he's happy with it that's great for him; I simply just don't agree with him. I believe one can respect yet disagree with another's decision.

I always like that I can disagree with and debate with you and that it's safe to do so.

I wonder...I get that you disagree with his decision if it were for you, but do you disagree with it for him?

 

[feast or famine]

This post is interesting to me. I don't currently want to die. I don't currently have any plans to ctb. I am focusing on recovery. But I still come and go on this site.

That being said, I still have my SN stored away. I really can't say why. I have no intention to use it, but I just don't want to give it up, either. Maybe it's my subconscious telling me it'll be of use in the future?

Or perhaps it's more simple than that. It still brings me comfort of sorts and it's a relief knowing that I have it on hand, as morbid as that sounds.

I trust myself for the most part to not make any impulsive decisions which is why I think I've kept it thus far. Maybe I'm not as "recovered" as I think if I find myself still not being able to part ways with it. It's a very strange predicament. I suppose if I felt wildly out of control mentally, I'd likely toss it.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I understand this poster. It's why I reached out to the mental health team for help, I was scared of myself and scared of what I know I am capable of doing as I've had previous attempts. I don't want to die, truly, but I feel like I have no choice. It's why the first time I gave away my SN, because it was there, I was just THERE, all the time staring at me, calling out to me. Granted, I bought some more after I gave it away and now the urges are less powerful it's ok to be around the SN, but earlier this year when I was literally lost in my depression, undiagnosed Bipolar, no meds etc, it was just talking to me all the time, urging me to take it. So I get why he did it, its a commendable thing in my opinion, it takes bravery to take away the one thing that can give you an end to your suffering. It shows willpower and determination, survival etc. Of course this is just my opinion on the matter.

 

[Lupgevif]

Good for him the cops were nice. I've been reading about so many people being mistreated when sectioned. I also envy his easy access to a firearm, but at the end of the day, it's his, I feel like I can't project this frustration of mine over an object other person owns and have the right to get rid of it as they please.

 

[TAW122]

I always like that I can disagree with and debate with you and that it's safe to do so.

I wonder...I get that you disagree with his decision if it were for you, but do you disagree with it for him?

I don't. In fact, it is his life and his decision about it, so he can do whatever he feels is right for him.

I understand this poster. It's why I reached out to the mental health team for help, I was scared of myself and scared of what I know I am capable of doing as I've had previous attempts. I don't want to die, truly, but I feel like I have no choice. It's why the first time I gave away my SN, because it was there, I was just THERE, all the time staring at me, calling out to me. Granted, I bought some more after I gave it away and now the urges are less powerful it's ok to be around the SN, but earlier this year when I was literally lost in my depression, undiagnosed Bipolar, no meds etc, it was just talking to me all the time, urging me to take it. So I get why he did it, its a commendable thing in my opinion, it takes bravery to take away the one thing that can give you an end to your suffering. It shows willpower and determination, survival etc. Of course this is just my opinion on the matter.

This is a good post and yes, I agree with you on the fact that it is really brave of him to come out and open up despite the risk of (potential) consequences from calling the authorities on oneself. I would never do that as that would go against my plans and purpose (as well as making my own predicament worse than it currently is). As for your situation with the SN, I'm glad that you are able to have more and (this may be speaking for myself and maybe a few others, but...) I hope that the availability of such a method on standby is able to bring you relief even in the interim.

Good for him the cops were nice. I've been reading about so many people being mistreated when sectioned. I also envy his easy access to a firearm, but at the end of the day, it's his, I feel like I can't project this frustration of mine over an object other person owns and have the right to get rid of it as they please.

True, and I respect the fact that he can do whatever he wishes with his object (the firearm) and his own life as he pleases, it's just that I don't agree with his decision and personally would not do that.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I don't. In fact, it is his life and his decision about it, so he can do whatever he feels is right for him.

Now I see where my misunderstanding was. Carry on then!