recently abandoned and suicidal

[valentinecrush666]

the only person i care about in this world doesnt want to talk to me anymore, he said i overwhelm him and that we shouldnt talk anymore so i can learn to exist without him and so he can be happy with his new partner. the problem is i cant live without him, when we dont talk for more than a few hours i feel genuinely physically ill. my happiness relies on wether or not he loves and talks to me, i cant fucking take it anymore. i feel like such a leech and a parasite, i didnt mean to fuck things up and act this way with the only person ive ever loved. it hurts so bad. he hasnt responded to my apology and it feels like everything in my life destroys itself as im left to watch, i do things i dont mean to do and then afterwards come to my senses and the shame is too much to live with. the fact he can live just fine without me and move on while i cant even sleep at night hurts so badly

i know this is whiney, i needed to get all of this out. i dont have anyone else to talk to since i have trouble getting closer to other people. i need to put myself out of my own misery i guess, i cant really afford much and plan to od. does anyone know any good otc medicine you can buy thats effective?

im really sorry, i dont know where else to go. i cant handle it. i dont want to be thrown away ever again nor do i want to hurt anyone

 

[ipmanwc0]

Time will heal you. But if you think it won't there's not really any otc you can reliably od on

 

[Inthewind]

the only person i care about in this world doesnt want to talk to me anymore, he said i overwhelm him and that we shouldnt talk anymore so i can learn to exist without him and so he can be happy with his new partner. the problem is i cant live without him, when we dont talk for more than a few hours i feel genuinely physically ill. my happiness relies on wether or not he loves and talks to me, i cant fucking take it anymore. i feel like such a leech and a parasite, i didnt mean to fuck things up and act this way with the only person ive ever loved. it hurts so bad. he hasnt responded to my apology and it feels like everything in my life destroys itself as im left to watch, i do things i dont mean to do and then afterwards come to my senses and the shame is too much to live with. the fact he can live just fine without me and move on while i cant even sleep at night hurts so badly

i know this is whiney, i needed to get all of this out. i dont have anyone else to talk to since i have trouble getting closer to other people. i need to put myself out of my own misery i guess, i cant really afford much and plan to od. does anyone know any good otc medicine you can buy thats effective?

im really sorry, i dont know where else to go. i cant handle it. i dont want to be thrown away ever again nor do i want to hurt anyone

I done this before aswell, I had a partner and he was my first true dude who was like genuine, and they were like the most awesome person i had met and didnt have nayone else at that year. I ranted to them how i felt when we broke up, we both liked eachtother and he was the only person i ranted to buuut he didnt back and we had to break up the realtionship by an outward force. Thennn they recovered in a month. Annnnd I kept trynna be with them and they said no for an entire year or two. Annnnd well i was big sad for that entire time and thats all i looked forward to, anyway, now it fine and i mean maybe you will too. i not that close to people often still am not but get a teddy and only time heals us truly. You can still find friends and not be that close to them then if you aquantences you wont be able get hurt cuz they just aquatnces too

 

[Dr. Henjin]

Don't feel whiney, I'm in the exact same boat as you. Almost exactly. I've only ever loved one person and now she doesn't love me. It's crushing, it's the worst most depressive hole you can possibly find yourself in. I doubt I'll find my way out, but whether you do or don't, just know you're not alone in this feeling.

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

Love is the worst thing in this world when you are so dependent on your partner. Once the love is taken you feel like you've lost everything and in some cases that is true. My wife is everything to me and having her leave me 3 months ago has left me broken. How such a wonderful feeling can hurt so much is a cruel irony.

Sadly I can't tell you it will get better. Like I said before, it's been 3 months since my wife left and I'm still right where I was. Vent on here all you need and search your soul to find your path.

 

[adrenalinejunkie]

I've been through this a few times and two divorces and it always sux. More misery on top of already feeling bad about other things you have to deal with in your life. The last one for me came during a really bad episode of bipolar depression and I really thought that was it for me but after some time I find myself actually not thinking about it much more. But when it's new I know it feels like the end of the world, everywhere you go everything you see just reminds you of them and just makes it worse. Just try getting through one day at a time and the pain and loneliness will slowly go away and hopefully one day you can wake up and realize you haven't thought about it. When you're ready there will be someone new to meet and maybe even when you least expect it. Best wishes.

 

[k1w1]

Why not just be friends with people. You are young and have yet to learn how to love with the required detachment that lets others be themselves. Friends dont suffer with these issues but have all the advantages.

 

[pole]

Why not just be friends with people. You are young and have yet to learn how to love with the required detachment that lets others be themselves. Friends dont suffer with these issues but have all the advantages.

sometimes the desire to yearn for more is too strong. as a result, friendships with people will never be enough.

for some, including myself, we seek out in others what we cannot provide for ourselves. whether, it's love, happiness, we have this beacon of hope that someone else can help us feel this, to show us that maybe our inner thoughts are wrong, perhaps there is something to adore and like about us.

chasing that validation from others and being in love with the idea of love is just too strong of a desire for those who's self-esteem and worth is nonexistent.

so I understand why others, including OP, feel this way.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really wish there is easily accessible otc medicine to reliably od on, it would prevent so much suffering but sadly suicide just isn't that straightforward, we do exist in a society where it's made as purposely difficult for people to die as possible after all. But anyway it must be painful what you are going through.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

i cant really afford much and plan to od. does anyone know any good otc medicine you can buy thats effective?

I'm sorry, what you have to go through is so awful but still, don't act on impulse. ODs aren't easy. This could be of interest for you regarding OD and OTC and easy to access meds.

Hypothermia & Diphenhydramine(chloride) method

Translation from the German book "Selbstbestimmtes Sterben. Sanfter Tod bei klarem Geist" Victor Niculescu Hypothermia & Diphenhydramine(chloride) "The lethal dose of Diphenhydramine(chloride) is 50mg per kg body weight. also required: Zopiclon 20 tablets Bromazepam or Triazolam 30-50...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Baldwin IV]

Love is truly the best thing in the world but if taken away it makes you feel empty. I'd suggest thinking about it, I know it must be very painful.