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Tomino'sNightengale

Tomino'sNightengale

Member
Dec 30, 2021
75
I'm autistic
I'm 41 years old, hold three college degrees, but I've never really had a real career.
I've never had sex with a woman who wasn't a drug addict.
Nothing makes me happy anymore.
I have no friends and have never really had friends.
I never had a real family growing up.
My mother infantalized me, taught me to be afraid and timid, and trained me to be weak and submissive.
I didn't even know my father growing up. He worked most of the time and we never once did anything together.
My mother never cared if I was successful.
I almost never saw my mother not angry growing up.
I'm fucked up psychologically. I've been in and out of therapy my whole life, but I'm still fucked up psychologically.
I was never loved growing up.
I never did a single social thing in high school.
My mother never really cared. She only wanted to serve a cult.
I'm 41 and I've acheived almost nothing my whole life.
I have depression
I was bullied a lot in school.
My life is meaningless.

I've found biological family that loves me thanks to a DNA test, it only reminds of what I didn't have growing up: love, parents who love each other, a family. Part of me doesn't want to CTB because I know that my biological family would be very sad if I died. They waited 38 years to meet me. I want to go out by stabbing myself with a dagger or a knife or something. I want to be found dead in an Akron motel room with a machete stuck in my chest and for peope to say, "Wow! That guy really bit the dust!" You just don't get that reaction with SN.

I wanted to be a college professor when I was younger. I loved Spanish. I wanted to teach it. I wrote a paper on religious subversion in La Celestina. I seem to have lost it. It was one of the great accomplishments of my life, and now it's lost. I feel like I've acheived nothing.

I was conceived when my mother and father had a fling on a military base in 1980. They were never married, and I feel like I should have never been born.
 
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Fadeawaaaay

Fadeawaaaay

Visionary
Nov 12, 2021
2,160
I am professionally incompetent. Never found solid footing. My future is going to be worse than my present. I am broken.
 
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Reactions: SKDN, Al Cappella, Hurt and 2 others
H

Hurt

Paragon
Nov 13, 2020
905
I am professionally incompetent. Never found solid footing. My future is going to be worse than my present. I am broken.
I have that same feeling. I'm scared of my future. Life is only getting worse.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
44,001
It sounds like you have suffered a lot, and I'm sorry that you have had to endure all this. This life is just so unfair and cruel, it is such a horrible world that we live in. I wish you the best in whatever happens, I hope you find relief from your pain.
 

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