Reasons (not) to live

[Tomoko]

Of course, if you are here now, you likely do not, but have you ever at one point had a reason to continue? At this point, I have no family who cares for me and am struggling to float and avoid going homeless. None of my "friends" have messaged me in the last 4 years without needing something from me, and I have recently lost my job. So, I am wondering if my time is close... I really have 0 reason to go on.

 

[Lance Stone]

Nope, I probably won't. My life has been on a constant fucking downward spiral since i was 12. In those 7 years, I haven't found a single reason to stay alive, except for feeling bad if I left my dogs.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

My life has been on a constant fucking downward spiral since i was 12. I haven't found a single reason to stay alive

Ditto.

am struggling to float and avoid going homeless

Right there with you. :( Sorry it's gotten so bad.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

I had every reason to continue, now I have nothing

 

[Tomoko]

Ditto.

Right there with you. :( Sorry it's gotten so bad.

Together strong. Hoping things look up for you.

 

[Mental]

Lately nothing makes sense to me, the days pass slowly and the emptiness does not stop tormenting me. I've been off my meds and I should be happy but no, I don't want to go back to being the one before, using drugs again, being in trouble.That my family respects me less than it already does, shit,I don't want to live and I don't know why,of my family, of the people.If I cannot report that a month ago I was raped simply because I had drunk alcohol, that a friend after knowing that also took advantage of me,I am tired of these situations,of living like this since childhood,I have no reason to continue

 

[Kennish]

I have no reason. Severe OCD. And a constant unpleasantness in my body. Constant obsessive thoughts. I have no life right now. People around me say I should keep struggling but I don't know how to live life. Been depressed and having OCD since teens. It's time for me soon. Saving up for N. Every day I hope I don't wake up again. But I do. I have nothing. No hobbies, no nothing that gives me joy. Just emptiness constantly.

Everybody around me have a life. I have nothing. Just going around in circles or sleeping.

 

[Mental]

No tengo ninguna razón. TOC severo. Y un constante malestar en mi cuerpo. Pensamientos obsesivos constantes. No tengo vida ahora mismo. La gente a mi alrededor dice que debería seguir luchando, pero no sé cómo vivir la vida. Ha estado deprimido y padeciendo TOC desde la adolescencia. Es tiempo para mí pronto. Ahorrando para N. Todos los días espero no volver a despertar. Pero lo hago. No tengo nada. Sin pasatiempos, sin nada que me dé alegría. Solo vacío constantemente.

Todos los que me rodean tienen una vida. No tengo nada. Simplemente dando vueltas o durmiendo.

I know we don't know each other,that we both think the same thing, but you don't have to be alone,if you need to talk to someone, I won't judge you,I don't have TOC, but I do have TLP, I know what it's like for the world to take you away.

 

[Kennish]

I know we don't know each other,that we both think the same thing, but you don't have to be alone,if you need to talk to someone, I won't judge you,I don't have TOC, but I do have TLP, I know what it's like for the world to take you away.

What is tlp?

 

[Mental]

What is tlp?

borderline personality disorder

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

The only reasons for staying alive after I started falling apart a few years back have been to spare my family, to get a gf and to avoid physical pain. Getting a gf is completely impossible and I have SN (very unlikely to cause lots of physical pain) so the only reason for me to stick around nowadays is to spare my family some pain. I do, however, feel like the only reasonable course of action for me is to ctb within a few years time or so. And there's no real point in waiting around for much longer if that is decided. Was thinking that my little sister should be a little older when I kill myself, but I don't think two or three more years of school is going to somehow protect her much. Rest of the family will take the same amount of damage no matter when I do it. This all makes it seem more reasonable to get on with it now, to cut out some of my own future suffering.

At the same time, I feel an aversion to the act of drinking SN or doing anything else that's life-threatening. I don't want to do anything before I'm ready, since that increases the chances of failing. But for some things you can never be truly ready, and have to somehow just do it. Like when you're tired, cold, feeling that grey afternoon fatigue and you still go to the gym. Would also like to have some hecking antiemetics, lmfao.

 

[Kennish]

borderline personality disorder

What do you want to talk about? I have no life right now. All I'm thinking about is ctb. I don't like my body, I don't like my mind, I can't do anything about it. I have OCD regarding my body and clothes. I feel my body is wrong and I have so much difficulties buying clothes. On top I have anxiety and depression because of this. My body is so unpleasant to be in all the time.

 

[Midgardsorm]

Anything I would live for, from now on aside for my family, would have something to do with Hope.

I don't have things to look forward to, only hope for things to get better and not go downhills as usual.
I can't even say to myself to try my best, because I feel that I'm already doing that.

So, I guess for me, there is family and hope that things will get better, also not go down but I won't put that on account.

Sure, it could be enough.
But I'm already past my 30s, I'm old now. Keep going on for a family that constantly ignores my suffering and gaslight me. Living in a world of pain. I guess anything could trigger my suicidal thoughts, they were already triggered thousand times in the past and fought away, how long will I need to do that?

It's only a matter of time, luck or bad luck.

 

[FuneralCry]

I have never had a reason to continue. Instead I just have had reasons to leave this world. I think in my case, I have never wanted to be alive, it has never felt right me being alive. I am just not meant for this world and there is nothing here for me. Things have gotten worse over the years. I am only here now because it is difficult to ctb, I have such an empty existence. if I could just disappear now, I would.

 

[Chockles]

I had every reason to continue, now I have nothing

Same for me until 9 months ago & unrecoverable nerve damage I had bad days but wasn't suicidal. Now bed ridden in agony I want to die 100%