Really struggling to hold on today

[EmpathyMinded]

In spite of the fact my life has been spiraling downward over the past year since joining here, I've fought really hard to hold on to wanting to live. Keeping hope, making effort to move my life forward, building relationships. I even found an amazing new primary support person.

But…

I just feel like I'm losing all of that lately. My hope is gone, nothing I do seems to accomplish anything, and that support person has become very emotionally distant and unavailable lately. I feel powerless to do anything about it and underneath all that stuff I mentioned keeping me afloat I am hanging on by a thread and my grip is slipping.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this. There's no advice I can be given I haven't heard and don't know for coping. It's just all not enough right now. Maybe I just needed to externalize the pain, make it more real somewhere. Not sure what the point of doing that is, it solves nothing. Maybe just for something to do.

Sorry for wasting your time if you read this. It isn't important. Just wanted my voice somewhere.

 

[Forever Sleep]

There's no need to apologise. I think sometimes it's just enough to express that we're struggling and be heard.

I'm sorry you are in a rough patch. I feel similar to be honest. That there's nothing anyone can say or do to help. So, to some extent it feels pointless to talk about it. It's my mess to get through. Still, I guess it still does help to be able to say- this is really difficult and have other people agree.

I hope things start to improve for you. I'm trying to tell myself that classic platitude- 'tomorrow is another day.' I kind of have to get my shit together because I have work I need to do. I hope you feel in a better place soon too.

 

[Kit1]

Dear EmpathyMinded,

Thank you for sharing how you are feeling and I really am sorry about hownyou are feeling - my heart skipped a beat when I read the words - "my hope is gone". Hope is an extremely important factor that keeps us going and those words and feelings are haunting for hope (I feel) is often the heartbeat behind the existence of the human race. You are clearly in a place of intense pain and I hope by sharing your feelings (which are extremely valid), it might slightly ease some pressure knowing that you have been heard and those of us on the forum also come from a place of understanding (just like yourself and Forever Sleep), I feel like I am walking through a closed tunnel of pain, but tomorrow is another day.., Please feel free to DM, vent, share your feelings - whatever helps.

Take care.

 

[UsagiDrop]

Thank you for sharing how you're feeling. You've been on my mind from time to time. I remembered some of your kind words and helpful advice from last year, and hoped that you were doing well. Although it sucks to hear that you haven't been doing the best lately, I think I'm just happy to hear from you at all.

I'm not here to give you any advice, because I don't have any to give. Life is full of these ups and downs and all we can do is surrender to the current, trying to keep the light of hope lit within us. It's hard to see our progress and how far we may have come when we're in a patch of darkness along our path. And during those times, it's even more difficult to hold onto the things that life is trying so desperately to pry from our hands. Your situation sounds very hard, but I know that you can get through it.

There is something that you told me before that comforted me a lot at the time. I actually think about the analogy a lot, so I hope that it can be helpful to you right now, too.

I like to say life is like standing at the shore of a beach. Behind us, the world we know, ahead the unfamiliar. Sometimes there will be storms so intense the waves just pound and crash, and we are helpless and miserable and the end of that storm can seem like it will never come. And sometimes, the sun shines and the waves gently kiss our toes as they sink in the warm sand. That we can't choose when it will do which doesn't take away from the beauty when it is the better kind. We just have to hold onto the memory of that better possibility when the storm comes, and when it is gone it will make the peace of those better times feel all the sweeter in contrast. Ugliness can have that way of making the beautiful things shine all the brighter when we do have them, so I try to embrace that the best I can.

Your storm may stay a while. If you don't have support in real life, I want you to know that there are people here who are willing to sit on the shore and withstand the bad weather with you in the meantime. I hope that you'll have better days!

 

[EmpathyMinded]

Thank you for sharing how you're feeling. You've been on my mind from time to time. I remembered some of your kind words and helpful advice from last year, and hoped that you were doing well. Although it sucks to hear that you haven't been doing the best lately, I think I'm just happy to hear from you at all.

I'm not here to give you any advice, because I don't have any to give. Life is full of these ups and downs and all we can do is surrender to the current, trying to keep the light of hope lit within us. It's hard to see our progress and how far we may have come when we're in a patch of darkness along our path. And during those times, it's even more difficult to hold onto the things that life is trying so desperately to pry from our hands. Your situation sounds very hard, but I know that you can get through it.

There is something that you told me before that comforted me a lot at the time. I actually think about the analogy a lot, so I hope that it can be helpful to you right now, too.

Your storm may stay a while. If you don't have support in real life, I want you to know that there are people here who are willing to sit on the shore and withstand the bad weather with you in the meantime. I hope

I forgot I ever wrote that and I'm humbled you remembered me or that I had an impact on you. I'm glad I could make a difference for you.

I'll keep in mind what you said. Maybe I should be availing myself of support here myself. I've avoided that because I always wanted my focus here to be supporting others rather than seeking any for myself. I just prefer to give. But maybe that's short-sighted, I don't know. I'll think on it. I hope you've been well.

Dear EmpathyMinded,

Thank you for sharing how you are feeling and I really am sorry about hownyou are feeling - my heart skipped a beat when I read the words - "my hope is gone". Hope is an extremely important factor that keeps us going and those words and feelings are haunting for hope (I feel) is often the heartbeat behind the existence of the human race. You are clearly in a place of intense pain and I hope by sharing your feelings (which are extremely valid), it might slightly ease some pressure knowing that you have been heard and those of us on the forum also come from a place of understanding (just like yourself and Forever Sleep), I feel like I am walking through a closed tunnel of pain, but tomorrow is another day.., Please feel free to DM, vent, share your feelings - whatever helps.

Take care.

Agreed. Hope is a concept that seems abstract but when you are hurting you realize is a commodity that has a finite supply inside of us and you can feel it when that well is running dry. You're one day at a time point is well taken, just…hard to not see the big picture as being hopeless when so many of the previous single days at a time added up to feel hopeless too. I'm trying to hang on though. Thanks for listening and caring, wasn't necessary but is appreciated.

There's no need to apologise. I think sometimes it's just enough to express that we're struggling and be heard.

I'm sorry you are in a rough patch. I feel similar to be honest. That there's nothing anyone can say or do to help. So, to some extent it feels pointless to talk about it. It's my mess to get through. Still, I guess it still does help to be able to say- this is really difficult and have other people agree.

I hope things start to improve for you. I'm trying to tell myself that classic platitude- 'tomorrow is another day.' I kind of have to get my shit together because I have work I need to do. I hope you feel in a better place soon too.

Thanks for your compassion. Trying to tell myself the same platitude. Today is just one of those days where, I don't know…it sorta feels like helping a drowning person by telling them air exists. That's what trying to tell myself that platitude feels like. I hope I'll feel it again soon.

 

[UsagiDrop]

I've avoided that because I always wanted my focus here to be supporting others rather than seeking any for myself. I just prefer to give.

I'm of the opinion that givers deserve to take from time to time. You can't keep pouring into others if your cup is empty, after all. I hope that you'll consider it, and my DMs are always open if you ever need extra support.

And thank you for your well wishes. I'm still alive so I think that means I've been doing fine enough!