Venting really struggling right now

[ghostspace]

it's my first birthday after my (ex) best friend stopped talking to me and it hurts so much right now I can barely breathe. last night I had a dream that she called me and forgave me and then I woke up.

regret is hell, it's torture to know I ruined the one good thing in my life and hurt someone I care about.


my chest and throat are burning and I want to cry really hard or scream but I have to get ready to go see my mom and don't want her to know I'm sad. my heart is broken, I want to curl up and disappear, I want to CTB, everything is too heavy and lonely.

 

[almost_dead]

we can be best friends ^-^

 

[Ghost2211]

I know what you mean about birthdays being hard nowadays. I'm sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. You're so sweet and considerate. I wish I could come bring you snacks and stuffed animal to cuddle.

 

[ghostspace]

we can be best friends ^-^

I know what you mean about birthdays being hard nowadays. I'm sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. You're so sweet and considerate. I wish I could come bring you snacks and stuffed animal to cuddle.

Oh man I'm actually going to cry now. I love you guys, thank you for the love.

It hurts so much right now it scares me and I can't curl up small enough to make the pain go away.

 

[Lilacmoon]

Dreams about someone coming back are some of the bitterest. And by your birthday too. Cry, scream, and know people here care about you and like having you around!

 

[ghostspace]

I'm an emotional wreck, fuck. my brain just wants to tear me apart right now and I don't want to be here, I don't want to be anywhere. last year she gave me a cat mug and I still have it and it hurts so fucking much.

i want to know if she's doing okay and if she still cares about me. I feel like I'm going to throw up or faint.
I miss her and want to talk to her so badly. I don't know how to pretend I'm happy when I want to die so much.

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm an emotional wreck, fuck. my brain just wants to tear me apart right now and I don't want to be here, I don't want to be anywhere. last year she gave me a cat mug and I still have it and it hurts so fucking much.

i want to know if she's doing okay and if she still cares about me. I feel like I'm going to throw up or faint.
I miss her and want to talk to her so badly. I don't know how to pretend I'm happy when I want to die so much.

I know the feeling when you really care about someone and they want nothing to do with you anymore. It literally makes your chest hurt from sadness. I wish there was more I could do to help.

 

[ghostspace]

I know the feeling when you really care about someone and they want nothing to do with you anymore. It literally makes your chest hurt from sadness. I wish there was more I could do to help.

yeah, it's exactly that. I can feel all the empty space and am hollow inside and it aches to not have anything there anymore. and nothing could ever fill the space the same way.

 

[grungeCat]

Loneliness is an enormous pain. It feels like someone cut my chest open and squeeze the heart as bad as they can. I understand what torture you are forced to endure right now. I wish I could help you but I just can't talk. I also wish I could tell you happy birthday but I know it just simply won't be happy. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope your suffering will be over soon.

 

[ghostspace]

I am still sad!! However!! I had a GOOD DAY with my mom and had a vegan cookie from Whole Foods which is *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: special *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: because I am agoraphobic and don't usually go anywhere at all.

I gave the cashier a button pin I designed that has a little cat with a mask on it and she recognized me from the last time I was in because I gave her a button pin then, too!! It made me happy. I've been giving my art to essential workers to brighten their days and she seemed brightened so I was really glad.

I'm trying to get myself together for the evening because I'm probably going to cry a lot but the plan is to make more little felt animals and designs to give people (instead of thinking about what a horrible human being I am and how devastated I feel that the dream wasn't a premonition and my friend didn't call because she's never speaking to me again.)

 

[Mm80]

it's my first birthday after my (ex) best friend stopped talking to me and it hurts so much right now I can barely breathe. last night I had a dream that she called me and forgave me and then I woke up.

regret is hell, it's torture to know I ruined the one good thing in my life and hurt someone I care about.


my chest and throat are burning and I want to cry really hard or scream but I have to get ready to go see my mom and don't want her to know I'm sad. my heart is broken, I want to curl up and disappear, I want to CTB, everything is too heavy and lonely.

Ive had dreams about people who have been in my life. Its torture. You have my sympathy x

 

[Insertname1]

I am still sad!! However!! I had a GOOD DAY with my mom and had a vegan cookie from Whole Foods which is *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: special *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: because I am agoraphobic and don't usually go anywhere at all.

I gave the cashier a button pin I designed that has a little cat with a mask on it and she recognized me from the last time I was in because I gave her a button pin then, too!! It made me happy. I've been giving my art to essential workers to brighten their days and she seemed brightened so I was really glad.

I'm trying to get myself together for the evening because I'm probably going to cry a lot but the plan is to make more little felt animals and designs to give people (instead of thinking about what a horrible human being I am and how devastated I feel that the dream wasn't a premonition and my friend didn't call because she's never speaking to me again.)

You arent a horrible human being, you went out of your way to make items to give to essential workers, almost nobody does that, im classed as an essential worker so when someone brings in a thank you card for us it means more than you realise, people in food retail get alot of abuse off people. So little acts of kindness like this go a very long way, so props to you for brightening peoples day :)

 

[Loops]

sometimes our dreams of old lost happiness hurt worse than the post-traumatic nightmares, we feel you there~

I wish we had some answer to help with the pain but we wish you the best, hopefully you stumble upon some small sources of happiness today to make your birthday even just a tiny bit better

Take care friend, you're in our thoughts~