Venting Realised how hypocritical I am

[qw3rty259]

Today, I found myself in a situation where I said to someone that perhaps I have some psychic problems so that's the reason I act "weird". But in fact, I don't think that it is a disorder or something. Looks like at that moment It just made perfect sense in my mind that it would justify my antisocial behaviour and that they would see me in a more positive light as if I know that something wrong with me. It's kinda sad. My attitude towards those people is pretty cold, but I don't carry any negative feelings for them. Feels like someone can misinterpret my decision to not talk too much, for example. They might think thet It's because of them, so I take the blame on myself by saying that something's wrong with me. Kinda ashamed of myself. Cause sometimes I'm down to social interactions, I like to play games, for example, but seems like most people appreciate the talking during gaming while i just want to enjoy the process. So it feels like even tho sometime i crave for human connection, i ruin it in the end and i think that i shouldn't have started it at all...