Sleeper System
Z z Z z Z z Z z Z z Z
- May 5, 2022
- 817
Suddenly, a switch flipped in my brain. The reality of everything going on around me hit me like a bat to the temple.
You're working a job that doesn't bring you any joy or sense of fulfillment. Even if it did, you are not being paid enough to mitigate the changes in the world. The price of food is rising. Gas cost is high. Home ownership is impossible. You have no savings. You will have to work until you croak just to survive. Furthermore, you aren't able so save any money to help with retirement because your expenses are more than you can afford and are only getting worse.
Then you look at the people around you. You have a new found respect for these old people. Obviously, things were different in their generation but probably no less stressful and they are still here. But they are struggling. Living off the government. Alone. Health issues. The constant threat of mortality looming.
You look at the young folks. They are so wrapped up in being blinded by the internet and material possession that they don't realize they are poor and just putting up a front to impress others. They are throwing money away not realizing that mom and dad and the stability some have in youth won't last when reality hits and it's time to REALLY fend for yourself. And the children...
these innocent balls of energy have no clue what the world has I'm store for them. I don't care about other people on a regular bases but when I get these thoughts I can't help but weep for them. Weep for myself. Because I am also still here and only glimpsing into the abyss at 30 years old. Still a lot of suffering left to experience.
The lose of a Job. The keeping of a job you hate. The death of friends and family. The many pressures of the adult life that at one time was plausible to manage. Now, time and effort is weaponized against you to take as much as it can from your soul before you die.
I have given up on finding love in a relationship.
I have given up on my job but I am forced to endure it to survive.
I no longer find pleasure in the distractions that use to keep me blind.
I am just done with everything. But yet here I remain.
Suffering because I'm too lazy and unmotivated to Even ctb right now.
Just waiting for that last push to get me over my fear and I will end it all.
I have this migraine that has not gone away since the switch flipped. It feels heavy in my forehead and nose like an extra layer of bone pressing outward.
My body feels like it's given up but my subconscious is forcing me go function.
The only peace I enjoy is sleep. If that is gone some day then I will have nothing left.
Fuck.
You're working a job that doesn't bring you any joy or sense of fulfillment. Even if it did, you are not being paid enough to mitigate the changes in the world. The price of food is rising. Gas cost is high. Home ownership is impossible. You have no savings. You will have to work until you croak just to survive. Furthermore, you aren't able so save any money to help with retirement because your expenses are more than you can afford and are only getting worse.
Then you look at the people around you. You have a new found respect for these old people. Obviously, things were different in their generation but probably no less stressful and they are still here. But they are struggling. Living off the government. Alone. Health issues. The constant threat of mortality looming.
You look at the young folks. They are so wrapped up in being blinded by the internet and material possession that they don't realize they are poor and just putting up a front to impress others. They are throwing money away not realizing that mom and dad and the stability some have in youth won't last when reality hits and it's time to REALLY fend for yourself. And the children...
these innocent balls of energy have no clue what the world has I'm store for them. I don't care about other people on a regular bases but when I get these thoughts I can't help but weep for them. Weep for myself. Because I am also still here and only glimpsing into the abyss at 30 years old. Still a lot of suffering left to experience.
The lose of a Job. The keeping of a job you hate. The death of friends and family. The many pressures of the adult life that at one time was plausible to manage. Now, time and effort is weaponized against you to take as much as it can from your soul before you die.
I have given up on finding love in a relationship.
I have given up on my job but I am forced to endure it to survive.
I no longer find pleasure in the distractions that use to keep me blind.
I am just done with everything. But yet here I remain.
Suffering because I'm too lazy and unmotivated to Even ctb right now.
Just waiting for that last push to get me over my fear and I will end it all.
I have this migraine that has not gone away since the switch flipped. It feels heavy in my forehead and nose like an extra layer of bone pressing outward.
My body feels like it's given up but my subconscious is forcing me go function.
The only peace I enjoy is sleep. If that is gone some day then I will have nothing left.
Fuck.
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