Venting Ratchett strap on walk?

[LittleJem]

Hi, am feeling just so desperate even though I've had a bit of weed today. I just want this over. I might force myself out for a walk (have been in bed for two days, but weed helps a bit) and a bit of me wants to test the ratchett strap method on my walk. Maybe this is unfair? Who would find me? I also don't thikn it will work. I'm not sure if hardly anyone has successfully used this method?

I have a doctor's appointment lined up, but just bearing every day till that appointment is too much, and then after that it will be months to a psychiatrist. Even if I saw a psychiatrist tomorrow, it will be weeks till anything kicks in. I don't want to be alive, I want the suffering over.

Desperate and trapped. Am I better off waiting till a day on more functional drugs (Lyrica gives me a functional day) then I can plan CTB better? I don't think it will work today, I just don't know how to keep going.

 

[SarRy]

Are you anxious about the possibility that something might work? It sounds like you have things lined up that might help. Yes, everything takes time, but you already put in the effort to schedule the appointment. It's not odd that you're thinking about it, but it seems odd to actually do it if there is some hope of things getting better. Your acceptance of self-medicating might indicate that you would be more willing to try medications.

With all that being said, I hope you find peace.

 

[LittleJem]

Thank you. I really want to CTB. Just living in family house and don't have a good method. Every day is just mental illness torture unless I have anything to take it away - and I have maybe 3 days worth of Lyrica that helps me. Without that, I will not be able to get out of bed at all. I have been in my room for two days doing nothing, and this is wiht weed. Motivation really low and suicidal thoughts all day.

I've looked at the ratchett method again though and not sure anyone gets it working.

The appointment is next week, then I won't get a psych appointment probably for three months (unless go private) and then any medication prescribed takes weeks to work if it does work, and the ordeal of side effects.

So far I have tried for depression:
- moclobemide
- vortioxetine
- fluoextine - helps me a bit but not enough
- weed - has driven me nuts and made me spend so much money, but was better than crying all day
- ketamine
- ayahuasca
- psilocybin
- lsd
- rTMS (cost £7K)
- so much therapy

has been years of trying to get better, and I don't really believe in getting better anymore. I know I could have a freak lucky response to a medication, but the reality is they will probably put me on something like an anti-psychotic and I will put on loads of weight and not be happier.

I have amitryptiline in my room which could be used as anti-d or a method. but I have read some good reviews and some not good reviews - and like with anything it takes weeks to work. Also, not sure I should start it before seeing doctor, and currently applying for disability benefits.

I have been pretty much useless for over five years now - hardly able to get up or look after myself. It's a tortured existence and so sick of it.

I think I have got to 4pm today on weed though, so I guess I can live to sleep another day, go for a walk and then tomorrow take some better pills.