ranting about friendships

[caterpilaa]

I'm slowly cutting off all my friends, it's not like a deliberate choice it's just that spending time with them makes me feel worse than when I'm on my own so I've just stopped leaving my room or replying to them. In fact, being around them actually pisses me off and I don't know why, I feel like I actually hate them even though they've done nothing to me and have been supportive and understanding but they actually make me angry for no reason and I just want to be left alone. They text me periodically to "check in" in the most weighted way imaginable and it feels patronising even though it probably isn't. One of my friends even texts me shit like "you still alive?" and I know it's not in a joking or ironic way. I never really told anyone I was struggling but it's pretty obvious. I feel like I have nothing left to say to any of them, in fact almost all of my friends have been leaving me out of stuff for a long time now, before I even started feeling this way and it used to upset me more than anything but now even thought it still hurts when they blatantly make no effort to include me, I can't really blame them anymore and I almost feel grateful that I have an actual excuse to not spend time with them. I should be happy to even have friends but I just feel absolutely no connection to any of them whatsoever and I just get angry thinking about them and want to be left alone. Being in room surrounded by people who are supposed to be my friends feels like suffocating. I suppose feeling like this is preferable to feeling left out though. I literally feel bitter towards everyone in my life and I don't know why, and when I do make the effort to be nice or reach out or try and arrange something I'm met with radio silence which obviously is partly due to my own being distant but like I said this really is only a recent thing and my friends have always been rather flaky and uninterested, now it's just reciprocal. Sorry for sounding so bitter I just kind of am, and I don't know why but honestly it doesn't even bother me because I sort of prefer it to feeling lonely and left out.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know how you feel, When I was a teenager I had friends but I felt like it was hard work being around them and I found it exhausting. I started to isolate myself from them and now I'm not in contact anymore. I guess I'm just naturally introverted as well. I wish you the best.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate.

I lost my friends little by little and now I have only one left. (Well, I've got plenty of new ones here on SS who really understand me and that's awesome!!)

 

[Canon1]

I feel the same way.
.

 

[DarkNearDeath]

The first sentence hits me, only because I get ghosted in the process. But I somehow need them to not become completely alone, and it's becoming more of a price to pay, to be ghosted some time during the day and completely at night. I'm really hurting myself in some other ways :)

 

[caterpilaa]

The first sentence hits me, only because I get ghosted in the process. But I somehow need them to not become completely alone, and it's becoming more of a price to pay, to be ghosted some time during the day and completely at night. I'm really hurting myself in some other ways :)

i'm sorry to hear your friends are treating you so badly :( if you want someone to talk to you can always pm me :) <3

 

[Empty gas can]

Do you feel like your friends understand you, or does it rathe feel like a waste of time talking about your problems with them?

 

[blue_muse]

You don't sound bitter. It comes across that you're ready to bow out; no longer caring to be the type of person your friends think you should be.

 

[caterpilaa]

Do you feel like your friends understand you, or does it rathe feel like a waste of time talking about your problems with them?

definitely the second option - i always feel pressurised to act like i'm happy/enjoying myself etc and they make me feel like a waste of space if i can't live up to that. they aren't doing it deliberately but i can notice the disappointment in them and it makes me feel so embarrassed

 

[Empty gas can]

definitely the second option - i always feel pressurised to act like i'm happy/enjoying myself etc and they make me feel like a waste of space if i can't live up to that. they aren't doing it deliberately but i can notice the disappointment in them and it makes me feel so embarrassed

Damn, that resonates with me a lot. Most people just can't handle negative emotions to the point it becomes toxic positivity. When you really love somebody, I think it's simpler and healthier to just accept that sometimes, they might feel bad but still need you to hang around. You know, no need to talk, give pressure to find solutions to your problems or do anything excentric, just be there for one another. The very few people close to me either get impatient or feel powerless when they try to help me and I don't look overjoyed like they managed to solve every single problem in my life. Like they take it personally or think I'm hopeless. No pressure at all... I mean, talking can help, but does it need really to be that way?

 

[caterpilaa]

Damn, that resonates with me a lot. Most people just can't handle negative emotions to the point it becomes toxic positivity. When you really love somebody, I think it's simpler and healthier to just accept that sometimes, they might feel bad but still need you to hang around. You know, no need to talk, give pressure to find solutions to your problems or do anything excentric, just be there for one another. The very few people close to me either get impatient or feel powerless when they try to help me and I don't look overjoyed like they managed to solve every single problem in my life. Like they take it personally or think I'm hopeless. No pressure at all... I mean, talking can help, but does it need really to be that way?

wow you really hit the nail on the head haha. everyone wants to solve or fix my issues like i haven't tried too myself and it just leaves me feeling like a complete failure. i'm sick of being made to feel like i'm shit company because i can't fox myself for them. idk maybe it's selfish but yeah idk it's just like i feel so fundamentally disconnected from the people around me because they look at me like i'm some kind of special case or charity idk if that makes sense
sorry i sound really bitter in this thread :/ i wish i wasn't, i wish everyone could be happy

 

[Empty gas can]

wow you really hit the nail on the head haha. everyone wants to solve or fix my issues like i haven't tried too myself and it just leaves me feeling like a complete failure. i'm sick of being made to feel like i'm shit company because i can't fox myself for them. idk maybe it's selfish but yeah idk it's just like i feel so fundamentally disconnected from the people around me because they look at me like i'm some kind of special case or charity idk if that makes sense
sorry i sound really bitter in this thread :/ i wish i wasn't, i wish everyone could be happy

Hey, makes total sense. Totally normal that repetitive disappointment and toxic relationships can make you feel like giving up on people. Personally, when I feel like shit, I still try my best to be chill and supportive and if people still hold it against me, I just don't stay friends for long. I mean, really, who's the toxic one in these situations? As long as you try your best to be a good friend, that's all that counts. Wishing you peace.

 

[Broken Buzz]

I relate a lot to this. I really just have one person left in my life who I regularly talk to. The last person to leave was someone I considered an extremely close friend, but it turned out they were only my "best friend" when they wanted something - usually medical advice or for me to fix something for them. A cursory "how're you" would be tacked on the end of the conversation but at that point, the lightning-fast replies would stop. It seemed my feelings were worth significantly less than my advice.

I quickly learned not to talk to them about my problems though. One of the worst things they did was take matters into their own hands with an ex-partner who had abused me, they did things that genuinely made me feel suicidal and didn't help one bit, but it was apparently all "for my own good" - I couldn't trust them after that.

People talk about toxic friendships but there are so many different ways in which someone can be toxic. It takes great strength not only to recognise it, but to distance yourself from those people. I hope that doesn't sound patronising, I'm really speaking from experience as I struggled to do that for a long time for fear of being alone - I lived for that 1% chance they wouldn't do something to make me feel like shit today.

It certainly doesn't sound selfish to me anyway.

 

[caterpilaa]

Hey, makes total sense. Totally normal that repetitive disappointment and toxic relationships can make you feel like giving up on people. Personally, when I feel like shit, I still try my best to be chill and supportive and if people still hold it against me, I just don't stay friends for long. I mean, really, who's the toxic one in these situations? As long as you try your best to be a good friend, that's all that counts. Wishing you peace.

thank you for being kind, i hope you can find peace too :)

I relate a lot to this. I really just have one person left in my life who I regularly talk to. The last person to leave was someone I considered an extremely close friend, but it turned out they were only my "best friend" when they wanted something - usually medical advice or for me to fix something for them. A cursory "how're you" would be tacked on the end of the conversation but at that point, the lightning-fast replies would stop. It seemed my feelings were worth significantly less than my advice.

I quickly learned not to talk to them about my problems though. One of the worst things they did was take matters into their own hands with an ex-partner who had abused me, they did things that genuinely made me feel suicidal and didn't help one bit, but it was apparently all "for my own good" - I couldn't trust them after that.

People talk about toxic friendships but there are so many different ways in which someone can be toxic. It takes great strength not only to recognise it, but to distance yourself from those people. I hope that doesn't sound patronising, I'm really speaking from experience as I struggled to do that for a long time for fear of being alone - I lived for that 1% chance they wouldn't do something to make me feel like shit today.

It certainly doesn't sound selfish to me anyway.

thank you, it doesn't sound patronising. :) that person sounds really shitty but i get what you're saying, having shit friends feels better than having no friends, even if they actively make you feel worse the thought of being alone is terrifying