LucifersIntrovert
Buried Alive
- Sep 10, 2023
- 52
Started college this year for the first time and I'm majoring in law to become a criminal defense lawyer… This shit is kicking my ass, not law I love law and it's really interesting and fun because of my professor. But statistics (math) which is mandatory for law is kicking my ass. Constant studying to no avail, staying up until mid night coming in 2-3 hours early to stud just to fucking fail. Asking for help understanding then forgetting it. Just constantly trying to fight a losing battle is so draining, never in my 18 years of life has CTB seemed so peaceful and an amazing option because I genuinely don't know what to do at this point. I'm the fuck up child in the family because I got sent to rehab for my suicidal ideation. So no one in my family trusts me anymore and I have to be surveyed whilst taking medication and around sharp things. It's degrading, knowing your parents laugh and have fun around your, younger brother but have to treat you like a newborn toddler and have grown so distant so they aren't hurt when or if I do happen to CTB. But it is what it is I guess, but what constantly pops into my head or those faulty words. "It'll get better just keep going". Keep going? Keep going? It's been 8 years I'm not going to keep going. 7 different therapists, 4 different medications, rehab, etc… I can't fucking do this it doesn't get better. You just learn how to deal with this bullshit hand life has dealt you… but yeah whatever man fuck school, fuck my thoughts, fuck me, and fuck everything in my way
