Øystein
Can't cope
- Apr 24, 2020
- 81
This is gonna be a ramble, i am so sorry for that, but this forum is the only place where I can speak out at least to a degree.
Since I was I guess quite young, I've always dreamt of going via the shotgun method, however, as I'm based in the UK, the users here brought me down to earth and showed me how hard it would actually be to do so. Since then, I'm fucking lost. With this realisation I am broken inside. Trust me, it was a dream, something to fantasise about and look forward to when times were rough (which is pretty much every day for years). I've been struggling with this agony every day because i believed that I could do it one day, the thought of shooting myself was like having a guardian angel that kept me "sane". It's so hard to go out in my situation - not really a good place anywhere close to "safely" jump off of, trains are slow, sn impossible to obtain. I was also considering overdosing with some kind of illegal substance, but if you remember my previous post, this isn't reliable enough. Hanging is a classic, but this is the one method that digs up horrible trauma for me, so I would say never. I'm not at risk right now and nor am I desperate to die anytime soon. I am desperate however for a method that I can refer to when the time comes, and I just cannot see it. This shit is distressing. I hate having no secure plans at all. I know it's against the rules for you to decide for me, but I just needed to put these concerns down "on paper". I feel like many members of this forum could be in a similar position. We are all trapped, but I am so glad this place exists. I've never really posted, but just reading that I am not the only one in the world who deals with these feelings made things better for me at times. I love you all, honestly, I do. At some point we will all end up in dirt, and this shitshow will have to come to a stop.
Since I was I guess quite young, I've always dreamt of going via the shotgun method, however, as I'm based in the UK, the users here brought me down to earth and showed me how hard it would actually be to do so. Since then, I'm fucking lost. With this realisation I am broken inside. Trust me, it was a dream, something to fantasise about and look forward to when times were rough (which is pretty much every day for years). I've been struggling with this agony every day because i believed that I could do it one day, the thought of shooting myself was like having a guardian angel that kept me "sane". It's so hard to go out in my situation - not really a good place anywhere close to "safely" jump off of, trains are slow, sn impossible to obtain. I was also considering overdosing with some kind of illegal substance, but if you remember my previous post, this isn't reliable enough. Hanging is a classic, but this is the one method that digs up horrible trauma for me, so I would say never. I'm not at risk right now and nor am I desperate to die anytime soon. I am desperate however for a method that I can refer to when the time comes, and I just cannot see it. This shit is distressing. I hate having no secure plans at all. I know it's against the rules for you to decide for me, but I just needed to put these concerns down "on paper". I feel like many members of this forum could be in a similar position. We are all trapped, but I am so glad this place exists. I've never really posted, but just reading that I am not the only one in the world who deals with these feelings made things better for me at times. I love you all, honestly, I do. At some point we will all end up in dirt, and this shitshow will have to come to a stop.
