NSFW random violent thoughts and visions? normal? (a bit of a vent/a bit of rambling)

[winamp]

I am the kind of person who holds all of their emotions about everything in even stuff from years ago until it floods over
I would also consider myself a "pacifist"

Recently I have been having very violent thoughts that I would never act upon it's strange and weird to me although it's happened before but not to this degree on a scale of 1 to 10 I would rate the past ones a 2 and they only happen once every few months the current ones I would rate a 5 and they have happened at least 3 to 6 times today although I feel incredibly normal and content with how today has been

I also feel bad because they are mostly towards men or people that have hurt me in the past that I have forgave and don't care about anymore

as someone who is not a violent person these thoughts and visions are pretty alarming I cannot tell if it's from me holding in my emotions or because of bad experiences or because of my over consumption of horror films in the previous years I haven't watched anything like that in a long time though so it's highly unlikely also because I don't think pieces of violent or graphic media can influence a person to commit violent or heinous acts I am not sure about that though because that's a bit of a controversial topic OR they could be happening because I am sober from self harm but usually when it correlates to that it's harmful or violent thoughts or visions about myself

also I wonder if anyone else goes through this
if so how do you deal with them
I really didn't even have thoughts or a problem like this until recent years so it's all new to me

 

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

pieces of violent or graphic media can influence a person to commit violent or heinous acts

For me, watching violence is cathartic. Those liveleak, watchpeopledie (RIP) videos. People being brutally killed, murdered, beaten up. It's like I get to express that violent side of my brain.

It's fucked up but it really helps me through high stress situations

 

[winamp]

For me, watching violence is cathartic. Those liveleak, watchpeopledie (RIP) videos. People being brutally killed, murdered, beaten up. It's like I get to express that violent side of my brain.

It's fucked up but it really helps me through high stress situations

this was me several months ago I would scroll through images and videos of violence or gore multiple times a day out of curiosity or for entertainment and also for recovery but then I stopped because I didn't feel like it helped me that much or because I thought it was unhealthy to look at stuff like that all the time especially since it's real life

those videos did give me a different outlook on life which is nice so now I do not fear death and realize that we could all be gone in an instant etc.

so I just put all of that energy into watching and reviewing disturbing horror, gore, indie, and documentary films but then I lost motivation and didn't gain enjoyment from doing that anymore but it's coming back slowly

 

[cgrtt.brns]

not sure if this is gonna be helpful but ive experienced intrusive violent thoughts towards others since i was a kid, its changed over the years, earliest i can remember it was about mean kids/teachers at school and my parents, as a teenager it was mostly about myself, now a days its mostly myself but also sometimes my parents or sometimes just a random unidentified person. im also a pacifist, i would never intentionally harm any living thing. but the thoughts can be difficult to wrap my head around.
my best guess is as you said holding in my emotions too much, or a lack of processing emotions around the people my thoughts are based on. i dont like to talk about things with people irl so ive never really processed any of my childhood trauma, so i think i get the thoughts of my parents bc of that.
as far as how to cope with them in the moment, the only thing ive found to work is distractions- music, videos, fidget toys, something tactile like gardening or craft or smthn. reminding yourself that its just in your head and grounding yourself might also work alongside distractions but ive never personally found it helpful.
i doubt its got anything to do with watching horror or anything like that bc i had visions of killing people as a child before id ever watched a horror film. but im not a psych or doctor or anything so i dont actually know for sure its just my guess. i know they can be worrying but your brain and body do things for a reason, it could just be telling you somethings up like repressed or unprocessed emotions. hope this made sense and was maybe helpful.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Hah...
Yes, I have those, although they are exclusively directed to myself. Now, read with caution what I'm about to write... I have visions of stabbing myself constantly. Stabbing myself in the eye, stabbing myself in the chest... I actually stabbed myself in the thigh once with a key. It hurt pretty bad. Every time I pick a knife or a fork I go into self-stab mode.
In terms of other people, I don't have violent thoughts at all, or rarely, but I don't hold onto them. I wish some people dead, that is true. I wouldn't care if some people were not around. But I don't have visions. Just ideas of a better world. I'm an idealist.

 

[R.E.N.]

Unrelated, but it's so surreal to me sometimes how these violent thoughts can intrude the minds of people in public and no one just knows about it. I remember once I was talking with a classmate, and she says "Do you ever just see someone and think of punching them?" out of the blue. What hides behind faces is truly unpredictable.

 

[winamp]

I have visions of stabbing myself constantly. Stabbing myself in the eye, stabbing myself in the chest...

I used to have visions about stabbing myself as well or sticking my hand down the garbage disposal or getting beaten or physically assualted or harmed by other people

mostly because of the thought that I think that if those things ever happened to me that they were deserved not sure why I deserve them anymore though but back then it was based in self loathing I don't think I'll ever understand the visions