Venting random venting

[sickoceanbunny]

I'm incapable of being hardworking, the rotten blood flowing through my body can't be made to have work ethic, it doesn't matter what I psychically do, this is hard to explain.

My blood is rotten as the sludge in the sewer, my DNA is as grotesque as mold growing in an abandoned house for my very body was born rotten, decayed.

 

[Crow_88]

Amen. I hear it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm always curious about this. Am I genuinely depressed or, just lazy? Do some people find chores easier to do than others? I feel similarly. Doing chores is like pulling teeth for me. I'm more fortunate in that my chosen (creative) job was also my coping mechanism for a few decades. So, I fortunately had a natural drive to do that for a long time. It's been more difficult recently though.

I think other things come into it too though. How affected we are by approval and criticism. I'm not sure people are born with a strong work ethic. I think we can be shamed or nagged into it. Or, praised into it. I guess some people work hard to gain approval and admiration. If we don't care about those things, we don't care about being shamed or guilt tripped or failing even. I think the main reason I do keep doing certain things is because failure still bothers me. Without those things though, what motivation really is there to do things we don't want to do?

It's interesting though- I think. Maybe inactivity due to depression is allowable but, inactivity due to lazyness isn't so much. But then, does too much inactivity due to lazyness eventually lead to depression?

 

[never_take_my_heart]

Highly relatable post, such beautiful and poetic language, however... Such vivid imagery.

Nothing but a wild assumption, but feels like an artistic soul, unable to find appreciation and bloom authentically, merely urged to instead focus on tasks which don't cultivate your personal sense of character whatsoever, thus you rightfully loathe those; every fiber of your being rejects them... Thus a sense of poor work ethic...

And yet, if given freedom to work on something that truly sets your heart on fire, wouldn't you be come across as way more "disciplined", "hard working" or whatever?

My words might come across as overly romanticizing, after all, some tasks are inevitable to comply with, and in cases of anhedonia, nothing sets one's heart on fire anymore... But, I merely see beauty in your choice of words, and I don't think your harsh judgment on yourself is as one sided.

 

[getoutgirl]

I gotta say those are some sick metal lyrcs. However I know you feel that way also and I'm sorry you do. We weren't made for this machine. Sometimes just getting by and trying to enjoy the few good things outside the machine is the best we can aspire to do. And it can be good. Again, sorry you experience your body that way. You write beautifully though and I'd like to read some more of yours in the future, so keep us updated :)

 

[sickoceanbunny]

it's hard to explain, it's not that I want to do art but have to work, but me specifically, feels incapable of being hardworking. I could physically do work like cleaning a house or building a thing, but inherently I am a lazy being that can't be a hardworking 'person'
I hate getting older. I don't have enough time to do anything I desire, it's too late for so much and I can't turn back time. The sooner I die the better, I wish I could be free from life.

 

[sickoceanbunny]

i wasn't meant to be a organism, im not supposed to be an organism, im pretty sure I should be a doll. just a cute inanimate object to look at and keep in a glass case. my brain is too broken to function as a proper person anyways.