I am a rideshare driver, and so being, I often experience threatening situations. For the last... 5 years, or so, I have also been suffering from suicidal ideation. As time passes, and circumstances only deteriorate, I am coming to the conclusion that no, things do not improve for some of us. The idea that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem is preposterous, in that life is filled with suffering and we all end up dead in the end. There is no escape, and who would honestly want to? Immortality would be the height of torture. At any rate, I am rambling.
There have been many dangerous situations that happen to me, as a female, driving rideshare. I find that I tend to purposely place myself into these situations with the hope that someone will shoot me in the head, during an attempted robbery, or something similar. Last night, I picked up this older man who had to be in his sixties. He was going from one hotel to another, about 3 miles away. I asked how his night was going, which opened up this flood gate of problems. Apparently, his girlfriend had stole his vehicle, and he was going to this other hotel to see if it was there. I asked him why he didn't just report her to the police, and he said that he can't help but love her, but is getting to that point. Then, he goes on and on about all the things he knows about her. She, and some other person, robs people at gun point, while duping them into believing they are engaging in a prostitution exchange. According to him, she has gotten away with murder by faking an overdose on a woman. I tried to get more information about that, but he clammed up. Then, I asked him if I was driving towards a potential dangerous situation. Of course, he said no. But in my mind, I found myself hoping that was the case.
He claimed his vehicle wasn't there, after we had driven around the parking lot. He had me drop him off at the side of the building, and stood there staring at me until I left. It was an odd, and entirely creepy situation. I took a screenshot of the waybill, and drove to the nearest convenience store to stop and call the police. While I don't mind the danger presented to myself, I also won't take the chance that what he said was true, and someone could be killed against their will. I ended up having to call two different numbers in order to file a report. The last one I was sent to was a tip line, which seemed like it would go nowhere. I offered to give the information on the waybill and was told that wasn't necessary. The woman seemed very passive, and apathetic. While I'm sitting there freaking out, afraid that they were going to kill someone. It was a huge mess.
All the above to say that I find myself constantly putting myself in danger, with the hopes that whoever decides to rob or carjack me will be merciful enough to deliver a quick, painless head shot. I drive in dangerous neighborhoods, only at nighttime, drunk and drugged up passengers. This is going to sound so bad, but it pisses me off when I read about other people being killed in quick ways, against their wills, while people like us have to go through so much suffering attempting to build up the nerve and find peaceful methods.
I do think I came close last night, though.
There have been many dangerous situations that happen to me, as a female, driving rideshare. I find that I tend to purposely place myself into these situations with the hope that someone will shoot me in the head, during an attempted robbery, or something similar. Last night, I picked up this older man who had to be in his sixties. He was going from one hotel to another, about 3 miles away. I asked how his night was going, which opened up this flood gate of problems. Apparently, his girlfriend had stole his vehicle, and he was going to this other hotel to see if it was there. I asked him why he didn't just report her to the police, and he said that he can't help but love her, but is getting to that point. Then, he goes on and on about all the things he knows about her. She, and some other person, robs people at gun point, while duping them into believing they are engaging in a prostitution exchange. According to him, she has gotten away with murder by faking an overdose on a woman. I tried to get more information about that, but he clammed up. Then, I asked him if I was driving towards a potential dangerous situation. Of course, he said no. But in my mind, I found myself hoping that was the case.
He claimed his vehicle wasn't there, after we had driven around the parking lot. He had me drop him off at the side of the building, and stood there staring at me until I left. It was an odd, and entirely creepy situation. I took a screenshot of the waybill, and drove to the nearest convenience store to stop and call the police. While I don't mind the danger presented to myself, I also won't take the chance that what he said was true, and someone could be killed against their will. I ended up having to call two different numbers in order to file a report. The last one I was sent to was a tip line, which seemed like it would go nowhere. I offered to give the information on the waybill and was told that wasn't necessary. The woman seemed very passive, and apathetic. While I'm sitting there freaking out, afraid that they were going to kill someone. It was a huge mess.
All the above to say that I find myself constantly putting myself in danger, with the hopes that whoever decides to rob or carjack me will be merciful enough to deliver a quick, painless head shot. I drive in dangerous neighborhoods, only at nighttime, drunk and drugged up passengers. This is going to sound so bad, but it pisses me off when I read about other people being killed in quick ways, against their wills, while people like us have to go through so much suffering attempting to build up the nerve and find peaceful methods.
I do think I came close last night, though.
