INT. MORT'S DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Mort, Brandon, Will, and Abraham are playing a game of poker at the dining room table
Mort
Man, you guys suck at this game.
Brandon
Fuck you, Mort!
Will
Yeah, fuck you, Mort!
Abraham
Guys, would you be interested in hearing some more about our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ?
Brandon
Dude, can you stop talking about Christianity for two minutes? Why did we even invite you here?
Will
Yeah, why did we even invite you here?
Abraham
One day, when rapture happens, you will be sorry that you ever spoke to me that way. If you don't open your heart and allow for the message of God to flow through you, you will live to regret it. May the Lord have mercy on your ignorant soul!
Brandon
Oh, fuck off!
Will
Yeah, fuck off!
Mort
Guys, calm down. This is getting out of hand. We are supposed to be playing a good old game of poker.
Brandon
(Brandon points at Abraham)
How am I supposed to enjoy this good old game of poker with this religious freak preaching at me?
Abraham
(Pouts, crosses his arms and turns head his away from Brandon)
Will
Yeah, how is Brandon supposed to enjoy this good old game of poker with this religious freak preaching at him?
Brandon
(Turns to Will)
Shut up, Will!
Will
Yeah, shut up Will!
Abraham
I have had enough of this!
(He gets up from his seat, and walks around to where Brandon is seated)
If you cannot find it in your heart to accept the words of Christ then I will have to punish you.
Brandon
*In a mocking tone*
What? Are you gonna pray for my downfall or something?
Will
*In a mocking tone*
Yeah, are you gonna pray for his downfall or something?
Brandon
(Turns to Will)
Oh my God! Shut up, Will!
Will
Yeah! Shut up, Will!
Abraham
NOW YOU USE THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN! You leave me no choice. As punishment, I shall be taking your Thalamus from you until you learn your lesson and convert to Christianity.
(Grabs Brandon by the head)
Brandon
(Starts to thrash and struggle in Abraham's grasp)
Please! Don't! I need that in order to maintain consciousness! How will I retain consciousness? How will I be able to relay sensory information to other parts of my brain if you take it away?
Abraham
MAY THE LORD BE WITH YOU!
Brandon
(Screams as and thrashes as he tries to get Abraham off of him)
Will
Yeah!
(Then proceeds to scream alongside Brandon)
Mort
(Watches in horror)
Abraham
(Shoves his hand into Brandon's ear and pulls it out holding Brandon's thalamus)
Brandon
(Goes unconscious)
Abraham
(Sighs)
This was for the best. If this argument continued any further I was scared that it would become so heated that we'd end up having hot sexy angry gay sex with each other and as we all know, God really hates those who have hot angry gay sex.
Mort
This is the worst boys' night ever.
[End of scene]