Random rants and thoughts

[Banshee]

My current plan is and has been the same for a long time now, ctb after my parents pass away. It seems so funny to me when I stop and think about it because of how I'm currently living my life and what I'm doing.
I'm living my life like a normal person does. I'm currently making the most money I ever have; renovating my house, working on maxing out my RRSP and TSFA, paying off large debts. When I ctb, it's going to be irrelevant because that house will go to the bank as I don't and won't have any beneficiaries, same goes with the money I save. I'm currently getting fit, for what? So that it's easier to lift me for whoever cleans up my body after I die? Lol what is even the point? I don't know why I'm not blowing all my money, taking out massive loans and blowing that too.

Random rants and thoughts

 

[Someone123]

Interesting. You're making good money and have a home, so it could be helpful to know why you want to ctb. Could a girlfriend or partners or friend s make the difference? Do you have certain health issues? It could be worth mentioning, because a good financial situation goes a long way towards making life worth living. I respect anyone's choice to ctb, but it coyld still be worth sharing you reasoning for this.

 

[Banshee]

Interesting. You're making good money and have a home, so it could be helpful to know why you want to ctb. Could a girlfriend or partners or friend s make the difference? Do you have certain health issues? It could be worth mentioning, because a good financial situation goes a long way towards making life worth living. I respect anyone's choice to ctb, but it coyld still be worth sharing you reasoning for this.

Got friends, don't want more, would prefer less. Not being able to be in a relationship is one big factor. I travel my country for work and sometimes I'm away from home for upwards of 9 months at a time. It really makes it difficult to start a relationship.

I don't like the way I look, sound, and act. I'm two completely different people when I'm working and when I'm home. I'm a vulgar piece of shit at work and I have a very short temper when jobs are not going righ or when I have to work with dumb, lazy, and or new inexperienced guys. I'm the complete opposite when I'm home completely laid back.

Definitely have bad depression and anxiety that I have to hide and force myself through. Like that bedridden feeling but still have to fight through it to make it to work. I have past regrets I cringe to that I'll never get over. Also, I hate how I was as a kid, such a shit kid. I would never condone any forms of child abuse in anyone else but honestly I wish my parents would have given me a few good beatings when I acted up. I never took them seriously because I new they'd never do anything, if my father would have beaten my ass back then I would have been like "... Yeah, I guess I could start trying harder" haha. Another big problem is that when I have too much free time, I get really self-destructive. If I have a few days off I know that I'm going to drink heavily for the majority of the time.

There is a lot of more things, but that is a few of the little basics.

 

[Someone123]

Got friends, don't want more, would prefer less. Not being able to be in a relationship is one big factor. I travel my country for work and sometimes I'm away from home for upwards of 9 months at a time. It really makes it difficult to start a relationship.

I don't like the way I look, sound, and act. I'm two completely different people when I'm working and when I'm home. I'm a vulgar piece of shit at work and I have a very short temper when jobs are not going righ or when I have to work with dumb, lazy, and or new inexperienced guys. I'm the complete opposite when I'm home completely laid back.

Definitely have bad depression and anxiety that I have to hide and force myself through. Like that bedridden feeling but still have to fight through it to make it to work. I have past regrets I cringe to that I'll never get over. Also, I hate how I was as a kid, such a shit kid. I would never condone any forms of child abuse in anyone else but honestly I wish my parents would have given me a few good beatings when I acted up. I never took them seriously because I new they'd never do anything, if my father would have beaten my ass back then I would have been like "... Yeah, I guess I could start trying harder" haha. Another big problem is that when I have too much free time, I get really self-destructive. If I have a few days off I know that I'm going to drink heavily for the majority of the time.

There is a lot of more things, but that is a few of the little basics.

Well, again I support your choice whatever it is, but I think your self-awareness of these issues goes a long way towards maybe being able to solve some of them, at least partly. I do agree that a smaller number of friends who you can really count on may work better than a larger number of friends who you hang out with but maybe don't have as strong of a connection with. If you decided that you wanted to be nicer to people at work while still being effective at what you do you could probably find a way to make some progress here. It can be rewarding to see people imjprove from your guidaqnce rather than from just being pushed really hard. It is true that parnets who don't discipline thewir kids creates issues by doing this, though it doesn't need to be physicla discipline. Some parents get so beat up by their parents that they resolve to not be like them and tehy go too far the o0ther way and don't discip-line as much as they should. YOu could probbaly sustrain a relantionship with a woman if some other issues, like drinking, got better under control. I know it's alot, and if ctb is your best option I support it, but your willingness to admit your flaws is half the battle towards solving some of them anyway. Maybe if you started a relationship your girlfriend could visit you on the road on travel with you. Or maybe your skills could be apploied in a position with less traveling. For me fi9nancial issues over just just seem like too much to correct this late in life, though maybe it could be done, but it's a long shot and I'm kind of tired of trying, so I get that- choosing that option. Maybe as an experiment you could try being a laid back guy at work who still gives good direction- this one change could maybe start the ball rolling towards getting things better. Just trying to help, but I do support ctb as an optino for people who choose it. YOu do have a couple big advantages that some people don't have- good finances and an awareness of what your issues are, which so many people don't have. My gut instinct is that if you found a way to try the laid back approach at work, while still ginving the right guidance. coudl really help. Sorry about the typos, not the best typoist.

 

[Banshee]

It's hard to change at work when there's such a tight deadlines and huge amounts of money involved. A lot of the people we work with are temporary people that will not be back next year so most of them don't care to learn. Another problem with the new guys is that they're not properly trained before coming out to the field. It's something we voice often but will never change. In-house proper training with our equipment costs roughly $10k per-person and some years we hire 200+ people, so you can understand why they do not want to invest that kind of money on people that won't be returning the following year.

I have no probably meeting women and/or hooking up with them, it's being 3000km to 5000km away that makes them never want to pursue a relationship. We often work 16 hour shifts which leaves 8 hours to shower, eat, sleep, eat, and get ready for work the following day. I would pretty much have 30mins a day to spare for them.

Every position requires travelling except for the office jobs, which not even half as much as we make in the field.

I haven't always had this job, prior to working here I've felt the exact same except I was poor and not at a point in my life that I wanted a steady relationship.

 

[Sun n showers]

My current plan is and has been the same for a long time now, ctb after my parents pass away. It seems so funny to me when I stop and think about it because of how I'm currently living my life and what I'm doing.
I'm living my life like a normal person does. I'm currently making the most money I ever have; renovating my house, working on maxing out my RRSP and TSFA, paying off large debts. When I ctb, it's going to be irrelevant because that house will go to the bank as I don't and won't have any beneficiaries, same goes with the money I save. I'm currently getting fit, for what? So that it's easier to lift me for whoever cleans up my body after I die? Lol what is even the point? I don't know why I'm not blowing all my money, taking out massive loans and blowing that too.

Random rants and thoughts

No idea why you would want to cbt with this kind if life you are describing ?

 

[Banshee]

No idea why you would want to cbt with this kind if life you are describing ?

Money doesn't solve everything for everybody.

 

[Sun n showers]

Im not talking about money, just seem to have a body that functions in this world, contributing