darkenmydoorstep
Not Waving But Browned Off….
- Sep 27, 2023
- 550
Rambling again.
Love is such a bitch.
Astrologically I have Venus in Pisces. Well what a fucker that seems to be. I feel love so deeply. And it's like it doesn't matter.
And obviously this is true for many people, not just me. They feel love for someone so strongly for another, are taken in by someone saying all the *right* things. But it's all temporary. They are in love with the novelty of you, your stories, not your soul. They love you like a new toy and you love them with all you have. I pine for him every day and I'm nearly 50. It's messed up. I'm obsessed. Every day I'm crying, I'm checking if he messaged me, emailed me. I sit in a room and write poem after poem about him. Then when I realise I can't have him (I think he loves someone else) I just imagine cutting my wrists and all that love inside me draining away as visible red. I want to see it disappear so it no longer haunts me. But I know it would be such an awful death in reality that I can't bring myself to do it. So I sit wishing I'd contract a disease. Talking to the telly, whenever someone says they are dying I tell them how I envy them because I do so much.
I know this is a boring post but I wrote it for my own benefit really. I've no one else I can tell. The pain is mine alone.
Love is such a bitch.
Astrologically I have Venus in Pisces. Well what a fucker that seems to be. I feel love so deeply. And it's like it doesn't matter.
And obviously this is true for many people, not just me. They feel love for someone so strongly for another, are taken in by someone saying all the *right* things. But it's all temporary. They are in love with the novelty of you, your stories, not your soul. They love you like a new toy and you love them with all you have. I pine for him every day and I'm nearly 50. It's messed up. I'm obsessed. Every day I'm crying, I'm checking if he messaged me, emailed me. I sit in a room and write poem after poem about him. Then when I realise I can't have him (I think he loves someone else) I just imagine cutting my wrists and all that love inside me draining away as visible red. I want to see it disappear so it no longer haunts me. But I know it would be such an awful death in reality that I can't bring myself to do it. So I sit wishing I'd contract a disease. Talking to the telly, whenever someone says they are dying I tell them how I envy them because I do so much.
I know this is a boring post but I wrote it for my own benefit really. I've no one else I can tell. The pain is mine alone.
