R/poly called me an asshole am i ?

[Illcryaboutitlater]

They called me an asshole for feeling this way anout the person.
I already feel like shit about it, not a major reason im CTB but a tiny bit of it cause of course my ace autistic ass finally got to date my special interest person and u think they like me too but not in the same way i feel right now.

Do you guys think im the asshole for feeling this way ?

 

[MelancholyMagic]

No, I do not think you're the asshole in any way. I am not entirely sure how polyamory works in all honesty. It seems like the competition for someone's attention would eventually be too much and make me feel awful - especially if the object of my attraction seems to love or be more involved with another more than me. Would you be discarded by your gf if she had children? Maybe, maybe not - I don't know her. But if I was in your position, I too would be distressed.
On a slightly unrelated note, should your gf have children, she would be an asshole. Also would have committed a great moral crime. And then some.

 

[NumbItAll]

There is no way you could be an asshole for feeling that way. I think it is important to just be upfront and honest about your concerns so that you both can choose how to proceed. I'm not familiar with the r/poly community so they probably have a much different perspective on things. Maybe it's like coming here and trying to give unsolicited help to people (lol).

 

[Illcryaboutitlater]

No, I do not think you're the asshole in any way. I am not entirely sure how polyamory works in all honesty. It seems like the competition for someone's attention would eventually be too much and make me feel awful - especially if the object of my attraction seems to love or be more involved with another more than me. Would you be discarded by your gf if she had children? Maybe, maybe not - I don't know her. But if I was in your position, I too would be distressed.
On a slightly unrelated note, should your gf have children, she would be an asshole. Also would have committed a great moral crime. And then some.

I dont know im afraid to even talk about it just preservation of my feelings i guess. I only see her once a week as is so i just dont feel like she would have the time to deal with me. Which i would have stayed her friend if she had been honest about any of this when we were just friends .

There is no way you could be an asshole for feeling that way. I think it is important to just be upfront and honest about your concerns so that you both can choose how to proceed. I'm not familiar with the r/poly community so they probably have a much different perspective on things. Maybe it's like coming here and trying to give unsolicited help to people (lol).

I don't post their a ton but i also dont have many people to ask about it. They are kinda critical at least to me when i post.

I know im going to have too eventually. Its just terrifying cause i hate even feeling like that.

 

[demuic]

To me it sounds like you are being used. Many people these days will use the excuse of being "poly" to toy around and play with people's feelings.

I think you have a right to feel the way you do. Don't allow your feelings to be dismissed. Let yourself listen to any concerns you may have.

Regardless, I think whether reddit considers someone an asshole or not is almost always completely unrelated to whether they are one or not.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

I have no idea what r/poly is, but the opinion of a reddit mob should be considered exponentially irrelevant according to its size; don't let them define you as a person.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

What is ace / poly etc? I am old and don't know shit.

 

[feiganbaums]

What is ace / poly etc? I am old and don't know shit.

Ace = Asexual
Poly = Polyamorous

It's hard when people change their minds and hearts, but it's part of every relationship. This is a big decision for your partner to have made without you. You have every right to feel hurt. But people will ultimately do what they wanna do.
NTA not even a tiny bit. Big hugs.

 

[TriggerHappy]

Maybe whats important is how you define yourself, not as a term, but how you succeed /honor your needs & your desires. Magic initiation asks :: Art thou willing to suffer to learn?

Editing / adjusting to 'conform' to others needs / expectations (even if the payoff for you is love, intimacy, normalcy, hope n possibility...) I get that, I see you... does it come at a cost (it sounds as if it does?) Are you ok with that?
will always tweak your fears / insecurities because authenticity (leading an honest authentic life, with the truth of love & commitment to/from another person) is massive.
Don't be so hard on yourself, remind yourself constantly of the things that u can control, and the things you can't (clue :: you can only control what's under your skin...)
I don't have advice, I'm a fucking mess, but I know the translations of pain and heartache well.
Be honest, open-minded and willing. With yourself above all, then others.
You're a beautiful and worthwhile person, don't get caught in scenes** that tell you otherwise.
** you have to be emotionally 'evolved' (not correct term) to survive those relationship constructs. Their success relies critically on communication and equal standing. Not easy.

 

[Illcryaboutitlater]

What is ace / poly etc? I am old and don't know shit.

I consider myself in the asexual spectrum, so i dont experience sexual attraction very often, poly is polyamory loving more than one person at once.