question for students/people with mentally strenuous jobs) Inability to think deeply/retain information

[iamalreadydead]

double post sorry, hopefully someone sees this

i gave up on trying when i was around 8 years old because of childhood depression, i remember being able to study and was 'smart' & was in a stupid 'young leaders' program at school because of how quickly i caught onto things, but completely gave up and succumbed because of neglect/abuse/suicidality & extreme social anxiety, and now im 22 and the brain fog is no longer just brain fog, its simply how my brain functions. I am completely incapable of effectively recalling any important information, simple math problems, i havent had a daydream since 2016 (used to be one of my biggest coping mechanisms, currently still suicidal over losing this ability after an attempt) i definitely have some amount of brain damage.

I want to learn things, practice guitar and art and all kinds of things again, but I don't even know if i can, or even what that feels like anymore.

If you are currently in school or someone in a position where you have to do mentally strenuous work (doctors, lab techs, if youre a mathematician, a specialized musician, etc) can you tell me what its like to "think deeply?" and use your knowledge practically, and how that feels

 

[pollux]

Hm, I'm not sure I really understand. Sorry. You might want to consult with a psychiatrist about this though, if you have the chance. You most likely do not have brain damage (unless you suffered a severe accident before).

I could try to give you an example of "thinking" but I don't really know if that'd be useful...

 

[iamalreadydead]

Hm, I'm not sure I really understand. Sorry. You might want to consult with a psychiatrist about this though, if you have the chance. You most likely do not have brain damage (unless you suffered a severe accident before).

I could try to give you an example of "thinking" but I don't really know if that'd be useful...

i definitely am considering getting proper help soon, thanks. I totally get that its weird sounding but, let me try to explain it a bit better: when I think back to childhood and how I used to be able to study and internalize information, i remember by the end of it being strained mentally and physically, like, my ass would hurt from how long I was sitting there working and there would be some kind of tangible 'tension' that would 'release' when I finally understood something. I have literally never experienced that sensation again since childhood, and I don't know if that's like.. a good enough representation or even what its supposed to feel like but this is the best way I can describe it. Is that relatable to you?

 

[pollux]

i definitely am considering getting proper help soon, thanks. I totally get that its weird sounding but, let me try to explain it a bit better: when I think back to childhood and how I used to be able to study and internalize information, i remember by the end of it being strained mentally and physically, like, my ass would hurt from how long I was sitting there working and there would be some kind of tangible 'tension' that would 'release' when I finally understood something. I have literally never experienced that sensation again since childhood, and I don't know if that's like.. a good enough representation or even what its supposed to feel like but this is the best way I can describe it. Is that relatable to you?

It's not weird sounding, I just didn't understand what you meant.

But no, not really. The closest I can think of is that my head starts feeling heavy after I study something for a while. But that depends on the subject, the time of day, how well I slept and so on.

For example, I was reading a chapter from a Numerical Methods book, and after a while I just couldn't keep reading anymore. My head feels heavy and it starts to seem that my mind just doesn't want to spend any more effort reading and trying to learn the material.

But it really depends, sometimes I can keep going for a long while, even without breaks. In those times I don't really feel anything. Though of course, eventually you will start to feel physically strained after sitting for so long.

When you say that you can't retain information or solve simple math problems, how exactly does that happen? If you read a book for example, you simply can't remember no matter how hard you try? When solving a math problem, is it difficult to know what to do, perform the operations in your head/paper, etc.?