question ab noncon

[mittymittens]

i make posts surrounding this topic all the time but like i'm doubting my own reality so

would u count nonconsensual kissing to fall under sexual assault

is it still nonconsensual kissing if said person stayed silent then later accepting the moment because dissociation and being terrified to say no and letting them do it

is it still nonconsensual kissing if person lied saying it was the best day ever because still disassociating and said person never truly believed it anyways

if a friend told you that one of your friends nonconned kissed them, and actively spreading rumors ab said friend what would you do? continue to associate or drop said friend

if continue to associate, why?

 

[AllFoxedOut]

would u count nonconsensual kissing to fall under sexual assault

yes.

is it still nonconsensual kissing if said person stayed silent then later accepting the moment because dissociation and being terrified to say no and letting them do it

yes.

is it still nonconsensual kissing if person lied saying it was the best day ever because still disassociating and said person never truly believed it anyways

yes.

if a friend told you that one of your friends nonconned kissed them, and actively spreading rumors ab said friend what would you do? continue to associate or drop said friend

I would get both sides of the story first but I would drop the friend.

 

[yaldabaoth]

i second what the first post said. i was noncon kissed on new years, and the reason i told them i didn't want to kiss them is bc they had cold sores. luckily i didn't get any, they tried to take it further and ugh yea. if a friend confided in me about it i'd believe them and not downplay it, its a shitty thing to go through especially in my case for obvious reasons

i'm not shaming anyone for having cold sores btw, i just didn't want to spread that to my partner and i was also deathly afraid of having a constant recurring reminder of my traumatic event :/

 

[Forever Sleep]

It definitely sounds like they were taken advantage of. I agree with @AllFoxedOut though- I think you need to talk to the friend in question. See how they feel about it. If they maybe don't think it was the best thing to in retrospect- do they feel bad about it? If they stand behind the whole- oh- but she said she enjoyed it later- it sounds a bit like they think it's ok to just do whatever they like to someone who is (by your own description) too nervous to push them off. I think you need to consider whether you think that's ok and if not- to tell them- as a mutual friend of the one they did that to. Not sure if I interpreted it correctly but if it's this same person that then started spreading rumours about the person they allegedly assaulted- it doesn't sound at all good. Maybe try and find out their side but yeah- I think you really need to think about what this person is like and if you want to associate with someone like that.

 

[mittymittens]

yes.


yes.


yes.


I would get both sides of the story first but I would drop the friend.

wb if said person got turned on by it and was confused if they liked it or not and that's why they let them continue

 

[AllFoxedOut]

wb if said person got turned on by it and was confused if they liked it or not and that's why they let them continue

this doesn't have anything to do with a legal definition, moreso a purely moral idea around consent- but consent should be enthusiastic. meaning there's an affirmative and excited "yes", or enthusiastic participation in the act.

so yes I would still say this person was SA'd. our bodies will react in ways to stimulation that we don't want them to. you will often hear from victims of rape that they orgasmed from the assault. this is a natural, involuntary response and doesn't affirm the victim's consent to the act