Purgatory

[PrettyWhiteFlower]

Sometimes I think maybe I'm dead already and stuck in purgatory. (I'm not religious so I don't mean the specific Christian purgatory but somewhere similar.) I don't think it's hell or I wouldn't have the few nice things like my pets. But I feel like I'm trapped. Days pass and nothing changes. Years pass and nothing changes. I watch everyone else move on with their lives and do age appropriate things like get married, have kids, get a career and buy a house. I've never even gotten close to any of those. When I think I've hit rock bottom it keeps getting worse. I've had 5 pets die in the last 6 years and I'm constantly being diagnosed with more illnesses. But of course they're all just chronic never fatal. Maybe something good happens but then it all falls apart and I'm back where I started. I meet someone new but I just end up hating them. I hate everyone cause I'm jealous of everyone. They have lives and I don't. Everyday sat in my room alone, bored out of my mind but no energy or real interest to actually do anything.