Mea Culpa
Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa, Kyrie Eleison
- Sep 22, 2023
- 173
My body feels empty and my mind feels like a scribble on paper. What's there to really keep fighting for or living for anymore? I cry. I sleep. Some days I try to attempt. It fails. Repeat. I feel so distant from people now. I just want to constantly hurt myself. If not for comfort from my thoughts, then to just actively hurt myself because of how much I hate myself.
I feel so fake, like my mask to hide myself is slowly creeping back onto me and beginning to suffocate me again. I dont want to keep hiding the way I feel but it's so hard to keep it off. I'm just a people pleaser. An empty shell of a human who lives for other people because I'm incapable of doing things for myself.
I do things for them even if it hurts me... I've had multiple dates set, multiple failures, and everything just feels so excruciatingly hollow. Even now... I still have dates. Try again Tuesday-Saturday, try again after the holidays... try try try try.....
Even now as I'm typing this, I'm crying... im not capable of living as an actual person. This world was one I was not meant for... hiding how I truly feel to please the masses as im walked all over like a doormat... I deserve everything that's ever happened to me... I did it all to myself.. it's all my fault and now I get to suffer with death laughing at me with each failed attempt...
Life is such a dead end, dreams are unachievable and broken, people lie, hurt, betray you, in the end your left with nothing. An empty, hollow shell... screaming into a void that doesnt even exist.
I feel so fake, like my mask to hide myself is slowly creeping back onto me and beginning to suffocate me again. I dont want to keep hiding the way I feel but it's so hard to keep it off. I'm just a people pleaser. An empty shell of a human who lives for other people because I'm incapable of doing things for myself.
I do things for them even if it hurts me... I've had multiple dates set, multiple failures, and everything just feels so excruciatingly hollow. Even now... I still have dates. Try again Tuesday-Saturday, try again after the holidays... try try try try.....
Even now as I'm typing this, I'm crying... im not capable of living as an actual person. This world was one I was not meant for... hiding how I truly feel to please the masses as im walked all over like a doormat... I deserve everything that's ever happened to me... I did it all to myself.. it's all my fault and now I get to suffer with death laughing at me with each failed attempt...
Life is such a dead end, dreams are unachievable and broken, people lie, hurt, betray you, in the end your left with nothing. An empty, hollow shell... screaming into a void that doesnt even exist.
