Pluto
Meowing to go out
- Dec 27, 2020
- 3,882
That's a great question and I think you speak for many people in the same boat.
As an aside, your comment about music startled me a bit. From late teens to late 20s, I absolutely loved writing music and had huge dreams of touching millions of lives. I had a psychic friend who initially suggested another arts project, which blew everyone away because it actually succeeded. One day, a friend of my father's whose son happened to be a well-known musician called for a favour, which could have been a huge turning point. But nothing happened and very slowly I lost interest in music, descending to working crappy jobs to survive and constantly feeling suicidal. I normally never talk about this to anyone.
Anyway, your guides will never leave you but if you 'fire' them, that might mean you turn your back on them. I would suggest formally 'rehiring' them and asking for a sign. This is definitely not too much to ask and will lead to you towards knowing that you are protected and unconditionally loved on your journey.
In the bigger picture, it sounds like you might be stuck in a no-man's-land between your previous sense of purpose and the light of your true nature. This situation is sometimes referred to as the Dark Night of the Soul. Eckhart Tolle has more to say about that:
[Dark Night of the Soul] is a term used to describe what one could call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life…an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness. ...Or you had built up your life, and given it meaning – and the meaning that you had given your life, your activities, your achievements, where you are going, what is considered important ...collapses.
...Really what has collapsed then is the whole conceptual framework for your life, the meaning that your mind had given it. So that results in a dark place. But people have gone into that, and then there is the possibility that you emerge out of that into a transformed state of consciousness.
...They awaken into something deeper, which is no longer based on concepts in your mind. A deeper sense of purpose or connectedness with a greater life that is not dependent on explanations or anything conceptual any longer. It's a kind of re-birth. The dark night of the soul is a kind of death that you die. What dies is the egoic sense of self. Of course, death is always painful, but nothing real has actually died there – only an illusory identity. [full article]
You mentioned having a bad experience with meditation. This is caused by a lack of guidance as repressed trauma and other powerful energies arise. It can lead to psychological mayhem including suicidal ideation, such as the tragic case in Pennsylvania. It might seem that spirituality itself was the problem, but your best bet would now to be to finish what you started - this time with help and support.
Life purpose after awakening is impossible to predict. Some people go on to become spiritual teachers, or find some other outlet in the arts or similar. Some people live seemingly ordinary lives with jobs and families, etc., even though their inner experience is free of all resistance, conflict or suffering. Some bliss out by themselves, which is still a genuine contribution to the energy field of the planet. Nobody in that state gets to choose, because the sense of being a chooser is gone.
Since we are talking about a truth-seeking mission, ruthless authenticity is key. In my own case, I found that my former grand ambitions were ultimately driven by a desire to experience love - something I'd never experienced coming from an abusive childhood. I wanted to experience real connections with others. I still do. But in order to truly get there, it's paradoxically necessary to forget about others. Don't worry about their life purposes, their achievements, how sheltered or brutal their lives have been compared to yours, or how they might judge you.
By abiding in the quiet inner place, totally alone, you open to a transformation in identity that will destroy all the troubles of your mind, its ambitions and its stories. You will find you are already connected to everything, and the life that unfolds spontaneously will be better than anything you previously imagined possible.
Right now, I am not seeing anyone in person, but am currently studying Angelo Dilullo, both videos and his book, who is directly focused on no-BS awakening. I am currently listening to this interview.
As an aside, your comment about music startled me a bit. From late teens to late 20s, I absolutely loved writing music and had huge dreams of touching millions of lives. I had a psychic friend who initially suggested another arts project, which blew everyone away because it actually succeeded. One day, a friend of my father's whose son happened to be a well-known musician called for a favour, which could have been a huge turning point. But nothing happened and very slowly I lost interest in music, descending to working crappy jobs to survive and constantly feeling suicidal. I normally never talk about this to anyone.
Anyway, your guides will never leave you but if you 'fire' them, that might mean you turn your back on them. I would suggest formally 'rehiring' them and asking for a sign. This is definitely not too much to ask and will lead to you towards knowing that you are protected and unconditionally loved on your journey.
In the bigger picture, it sounds like you might be stuck in a no-man's-land between your previous sense of purpose and the light of your true nature. This situation is sometimes referred to as the Dark Night of the Soul. Eckhart Tolle has more to say about that:
[Dark Night of the Soul] is a term used to describe what one could call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life…an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness. ...Or you had built up your life, and given it meaning – and the meaning that you had given your life, your activities, your achievements, where you are going, what is considered important ...collapses.
...Really what has collapsed then is the whole conceptual framework for your life, the meaning that your mind had given it. So that results in a dark place. But people have gone into that, and then there is the possibility that you emerge out of that into a transformed state of consciousness.
...They awaken into something deeper, which is no longer based on concepts in your mind. A deeper sense of purpose or connectedness with a greater life that is not dependent on explanations or anything conceptual any longer. It's a kind of re-birth. The dark night of the soul is a kind of death that you die. What dies is the egoic sense of self. Of course, death is always painful, but nothing real has actually died there – only an illusory identity. [full article]
You mentioned having a bad experience with meditation. This is caused by a lack of guidance as repressed trauma and other powerful energies arise. It can lead to psychological mayhem including suicidal ideation, such as the tragic case in Pennsylvania. It might seem that spirituality itself was the problem, but your best bet would now to be to finish what you started - this time with help and support.
Life purpose after awakening is impossible to predict. Some people go on to become spiritual teachers, or find some other outlet in the arts or similar. Some people live seemingly ordinary lives with jobs and families, etc., even though their inner experience is free of all resistance, conflict or suffering. Some bliss out by themselves, which is still a genuine contribution to the energy field of the planet. Nobody in that state gets to choose, because the sense of being a chooser is gone.
Since we are talking about a truth-seeking mission, ruthless authenticity is key. In my own case, I found that my former grand ambitions were ultimately driven by a desire to experience love - something I'd never experienced coming from an abusive childhood. I wanted to experience real connections with others. I still do. But in order to truly get there, it's paradoxically necessary to forget about others. Don't worry about their life purposes, their achievements, how sheltered or brutal their lives have been compared to yours, or how they might judge you.
By abiding in the quiet inner place, totally alone, you open to a transformation in identity that will destroy all the troubles of your mind, its ambitions and its stories. You will find you are already connected to everything, and the life that unfolds spontaneously will be better than anything you previously imagined possible.
Right now, I am not seeing anyone in person, but am currently studying Angelo Dilullo, both videos and his book, who is directly focused on no-BS awakening. I am currently listening to this interview.
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