Venting punished by the universe for existing

[sundown12]

i feel like i've done something terribly wrong in my past life, and i'm now suffering the consequences.

i'm heavily into spirituality, and spiritual community is obsessed with stuff like connecting with your soul and whatnot, but how can i connect to my soul if i know it chose this shitty vessel and this miserable pathetic life for me? if my soul loves me or whatever, how could it possibly choose to lock me in this prison and watch me suffer for all these years?

i also believe in angels and spirit guides, but they never once helped me or protected me. sometimes i imagine them talking shit about me and eating popcorn as they watch my life shamble in pieces, lol.

i'm scared that universe will somehow punish me by making me survive my ctb attempt but like make me paralyzed or have brain damage, and will try to force me to *really* appreciate what i had before. fuck that shit and fuck all those stupid ass life lessons that i'm supposed to learn or whatever. that's why i wish i had a backup option in case i wake up as a vegetable, like having a gun or something, don't even know if I would be able to use it. the thing about my situation is that no one will find me or try to stop me since I live by myself, but that makes me even more scared that I will wake up and won't even be able to use the toilet because i'm a *lucky* survivor of ctb attempt.

just feels like my life is some sort of pain simulation, where everyone else gets to be normal and experience all the nice things life has to offer, but i'm doomed to suffer because *life lessons* and *soul evolution*

tbh i rarely post things on the internet, so i'm sorry for venting, just felt like i have to get this off my chest. also, if you are not into spirituality, please don't try to change my mind about it or say that it's all bullshit or whatnot, you do you, but it's very personal to me.

 

[Huntfish34]

A lot of what you said Really hits home with me,. Thank you much for sharing this. I believe in God so you don't have to worry much with that..

Message me if you care to hear what I have to say. I understand either way,. Thoughts and prayers -.

 

[Made4TV]

I can relate because I spent a lot of years feeling this way, although tbh leaving spirituality behind has been a net positive for me. Also helped me not to personalize everything that's happened to me. It's all sucked, that's for damn sure, but I can no longer get behind the belief that I chose it, or that any entity is personally doing this to me. And for me that lifted off a lot of my burden. Life can be random and awful for no fucking reason except really, greed and awful people, is my thinking. All the native americans killed in North America, 6 million Jews, however many dead Rwandans, others lost to genocides, etc helped me see this when I put my suffering into a global context. I can't get on board with the belief that they all chose this, or that some higher power is punishing them. But I understand the distress of believing this at the same time.

 

[MountainMonkey]

I felt like I was reading my own words. I'm also very spiritual and I talk to my spirit guide all the time. For the past 6 months I've been telling her how twisted and fucked up she is for the amount of suffering she's put me through. I gave an ultimatum: either relieve my suffering or kill me

 

[sundown12]

I felt like I was reading my own words. I'm also very spiritual and I talk to my spirit guide all the time. For the past 6 months I've been telling her how twisted and fucked up she is for the amount of suffering she's put me through. I gave an ultimatum: either relieve my suffering or kill me

literally me...and like I had psychosis at some point and I heard voices talking shit about me, and I was convinced those were my spirit guides, and tbh i still think that way. I think they are making fun of me and want me to suffer. and I don't understand why everyone else has kind and benevolent entities watching over them and I have some nasty assholes who don't give a shit about the amount of pain I go through every day. i know it's silly but a part of my desire for ctb is just to go up there and ask them why the fuck did they let me slip into this darkness.
anyway, i'm glad to see i'm not the only one who talks to their spirit guides, even if they don't give an f.

 

[Pluto]

I hear what you are saying. I have slowly drifted into disinterest in spirit guides because my experience has been them making a bare minimum of effort when I am on the verge of death, and nothing more. It feels downright cruel.

In saying that, I can give you a generic explanation.

There are harmful entities lurking, but they are not guides. Since choice is the whole point of human existence, it is a sacred rule for higher powers not to intervene.

Because of the creative nature of our being, it is possible for a vicious circle of dark thoughts and unpleasant outcomes to arise. At the root of it is a fear-based belief about yourself which manifests, then solidifies the original error. The cycle has to be broken at some point for you to return to your natural state of love.

Just today I have noticed some really weird bad luck, so I know this applies to me more than anyone.

 

[almaranthine]

literally me...and like I had psychosis at some point and I heard voices talking shit about me, and I was convinced those were my spirit guides, and tbh i still think that way. I think they are making fun of me and want me to suffer. and I don't understand why everyone else has kind and benevolent entities watching over them and I have some nasty assholes who don't give a shit about the amount of pain I go through every day. i know it's silly but a part of my desire for ctb is just to go up there and ask them why the fuck did they let me slip into this darkness.
anyway, i'm glad to see i'm not the only one who talks to their spirit guides, even if they don't give an f.

during my mania/psychosis I 1000% believed I could hear entities/spirits talking about me... when I would drink I believed that demonic presences would come around me just to "chill" but wouldn't even fuck with me because I was so far gone spiritually that I wasn't even afraid of them. fun times. lol I was so delusional that I genuinely believed I had a twin flame... nope, just a guy I worked with that had no preference for me whatsoever, blocked my number, and wouldn't even give me a professional reference. ah, the irony.

 

[sundown12]

during my mania/psychosis I 1000% believed I could hear entities/spirits talking about me... when I would drink I believed that demonic presences would come around me just to "chill" but wouldn't even fuck with me because I was so far gone spiritually that I wasn't even afraid of them. fun times. lol I was so delusional that I genuinely believed I had a twin flame... nope, just a guy I worked with that had no preference for me whatsoever, blocked my number, and wouldn't even give me a professional reference. ah, the irony.

lmao, my delusions were pretty bad too, all the embarassing shit i did while i was psychotic...it's part of the reason i want to ctb tbh

 

[almaranthine]

lmao, my delusions were pretty bad too, all the embarassing shit i did while i was psychotic...it's part of the reason i want to ctb tbh

I question how I was able to get away with being so screwed up in social situations... I got stranded at a gas station early this year and acted completely unhinged. I still can't understand why the worker didn't call the cops on me. What was wrong with the car you ask? It was in neutral when I turned it off. It was also out of gas and I had no phone or money... so there was that too. Hah.

 

[sundown12]

I hear what you are saying. I have slowly drifted into disinterest in spirit guides because my experience has been them making a bare minimum of effort when I am on the verge of death, and nothing more. It feels downright cruel.

In saying that, I can give you a generic explanation.

There are harmful entities lurking, but they are not guides. Since choice is the whole point of human existence, it is a sacred rule for higher powers not to intervene.

Because of the creative nature of our being, it is possible for a vicious circle of dark thoughts and unpleasant outcomes to arise. At the root of it is a fear-based belief about yourself which manifests, then solidifies the original error. The cycle has to be broken at some point for you to return to your natural state of love.

Just today I have noticed some really weird bad luck, so I know this applies to me more than anyone.

you know, i went to a couple of psychics and they told me the same thing. they said i'm hearing dark entities rather than my spirit guides. but idk, i think i'm too far gone to trust in my angels again. it just hurts when you read stories about people hearing voices of their spirit guides telling them not to give up, or do x thing that will change their life for the better.

 

[Pluto]

When in a dark state, our vibration is out of alignment and it becomes virtually impossible for beings of light to communicate with us. If you have ever had positive experiences with them in brighter times, you can confirm this for yourself.

The dark entities may be feeding on your energy. They find love repulsive. I am not a Christian but I hear that they run screaming at the name of Jesus.

Sending you lots of love to initiate the new dawn.

 

[sundown12]

When in a dark state, our vibration is out of alignment and it becomes virtually impossible for beings of light to communicate with us. If you have ever had positive experiences with them in brighter times, you can confirm this for yourself.

The dark entities may be feeding on your energy. They find love repulsive. I am not a Christian but I hear that they run screaming at the name of Jesus.

Sending you lots of love to initiate the new dawn.

thank you for your kind words. i stopped giving an f about my frequency sometime ago because i was judging myself too hard for having negative thoughts, and ironically, it brought my frequency down.

 

[Pluto]

Yes, sometimes people in these communities are very judgemental. That may have started the whole spiral. It's important to be mindful of how people make you feel and not just focus on their bragging about positive vibes, which is probably concealing the shadow they are afraid to face. They will project their insecurity onto others; you in this case.

But if you want the most direct pathway forward, the punchline is that you are love and light just like the rest of us.

 

[MountainMonkey]

literally me...and like I had psychosis at some point and I heard voices talking shit about me, and I was convinced those were my spirit guides, and tbh i still think that way. I think they are making fun of me and want me to suffer. and I don't understand why everyone else has kind and benevolent entities watching over them and I have some nasty assholes who don't give a shit about the amount of pain I go through every day. i know it's silly but a part of my desire for ctb is just to go up there and ask them why the fuck did they let me slip into this darkness.
anyway, i'm glad to see i'm not the only one who talks to their spirit guides, even if they don't give an f.

So I heard voices for years, then they stopped. They were very mean, calling out my weaknesses, and they sounded very faint (like through walls). Most of them were familiar voices. I began drinking wine to drown them out. After months the voices changed their tune and were nice , for a while. I also heard my name being called in random places. The television would even fuck with me. At first I thought I was part of a sick government experiment. I became paranoid. I searched for speakers and cameras all the time. I thought I was being followed. That part of my life was so traumatizing. Everything stopped and no voices for over 10 years. I've actually never talked to anyone with similar experiences.

Do you still hear them? Have they ever been nice? Is there a situation in your life that would be beneficial for you to change? Seems like the voices responded to that.

 

[sundown12]

So I heard voices for years, then they stopped. They were very mean, calling out my weaknesses, and they sounded very faint (like through walls). Most of them were familiar voices. I began drinking wine to drown them out. After months the voices changed their tune and were nice , for a while. I also heard my name being called in random places. The television would even fuck with me. At first I thought I was part of a sick government experiment. I became paranoid. I searched for speakers and cameras all the time. I thought I was being followed. That part of my life was so traumatizing. Everything stopped and no voices for over 10 years. I've actually never talked to anyone with similar experiences.

Do you still hear them? Have they ever been nice? Is there a situation in your life that would be beneficial for you to change? Seems like the voices responded to that.

damn, okay, so i had kind of a similar experience. when i was slowly becoming psychotic, i talked to myself a lot in my head, and i suddenly started hearing helpful voices. i thought to myself - hell yeah, i can finally hear my spirit guides and they are helping me find my purpose. then they started calling me out, but like not in a super mean way, more like...helpful critique i guess. then, as i slowly slipped into even more delusions, they started calling me names and being super mean.

i stopped hearing them for a bit after being prescribed antipsychotics, but now i'm off my meds and they started talking to me again since i've made up my mind to ctb. up until now I believed those were my spirit guides making my life a living hell and instigating me to ctb for some divine reasons I don't understand, but if you read my convo with Pluto above you'll see that these might just be darker entities messing with us.

if you have any other questions, let me know. i don't see people talking about hearing negative voices + spirituality either. everyone and their mom is a psychic these days and channels ascended masters at will. but what about people who only hear negative voices?

Yes, sometimes people in these communities are very judgemental. That may have started the whole spiral. It's important to be mindful of how people make you feel and not just focus on their bragging about positive vibes, which is probably concealing the shadow they are afraid to face. They will project their insecurity onto others; you in this case.

But if you want the most direct pathway forward, the punchline is that you are love and light just like the rest of us.

it's kind of funny how they claim to be lightworkers and whatnot, yet end up making people feel bad about themselves tbh

 

[Pluto]

it's kind of funny how they claim to be lightworkers and whatnot, yet end up making people feel bad about themselves tbh

This is true. No doubt they are well-intentioned and may have helpful services to offer some people, but they err in trying to eliminate darkness by casting it away. It's analogous to trying to discard one side of a coin while keeping the other. True masters are nondual; they embrace all aspects of life without exception and thus transcend the whole lot. It's counterintuitive, but that's the way to absolute unconditional love, peace and oneness.

I have heard of these devilish, disingenuous entities in a few contexts. They've made appearances in near-death reports and sometimes psychedelic trip reports. They may be disembodied spirits who have led poor lives on Earth and are afraid to go to the light to face judgement, so hang around here causing trouble. They aren't particularly powerful if you know how to deal with them. If you're still being troubled, I have someone I can ask for more information as my own knowledge is very limited.

It's important to affirm that you are only willing to interact with true spirit guides. They are universally loving beings, even if sometimes it's difficult to communicate and easy for misunderstandings to arise. If fear creeps in and you start to accept lesser standards, there's an opening for these lesser entities to start messing with you.

 

[sundown12]

This is true. No doubt they are well-intentioned and may have helpful services to offer some people, but they err in trying to eliminate darkness by casting it away. It's analogous to trying to discard one side of a coin while keeping the other. True masters are nondual; they embrace all aspects of life without exception and thus transcend the whole lot. It's counterintuitive, but that's the way to absolute unconditional love, peace and oneness.

I have heard of these devilish, disingenuous entities in a few contexts. They've made appearances in near-death reports and sometimes psychedelic trip reports. They may be disembodied spirits who have led poor lives on Earth and are afraid to go to the light to face judgement, so hang around here causing trouble. They aren't particularly powerful if you know how to deal with them. If you're still being troubled, I have someone I can ask for more information as my own knowledge is very limited.

It's important to affirm that you are only willing to interact with true spirit guides. They are universally loving beings, even if sometimes it's difficult to communicate and easy for misunderstandings to arise. If fear creeps in and you start to accept lesser standards, there's an opening for these lesser entities to start messing with you.

it just makes me feel like shit that i'm not *positive* enough, or not *forgiving* enough, or whatever.

ha, great, now i'm terrified of becoming one of these nasty spirits when i ctb. i'd love to know how to deal with them though, so if you could share any info, i would greatly appreciate it!

idk, i just feel like it's so dumb that they can't (or won't) communicate with us while we are in a low frequency. that's when we need them the most right? like i'm actually pretty pissed off at them still, even knowing the limitations and such. maybe it's irrational, but i can't shake off the feeling of distrust and being abandoned by them.

 

[Pluto]

Yes, I hear you. I often feel the same way.

When it comes to the last point, have you experienced abuse of trust, neglect or abandonment by family or others in this lifetime? I've caught myself projecting the signature of that experience onto higher powers. Tragically, this can lead to experiencing it as such, even though it's not really true. We are not talking about humans and their twisted idea about love; the unconditional love of higher beings is of a sacred, ineffable realm. Same thing with if you have been made to feel unworthy by mistreatment by people and have created a story about it that is being projected onto the cosmos.

I've asked for some advice on dealing with those earthbound troublemakers and will get back to you when I get a reply. In the meantime, here's an article about the earthbound condition based on NDE research, which the author refers to as 'hell'. It is not something forced upon us by another power but is a result of having the wrong idea about ourselves. Often people immediately escape it (whether the body is alive or not) simply by surrendering these false beliefs. As mentioned, the name of Jesus seems particularly powerful.

For now, have you ever felt love towards, say, an animal or a child even though they made a mistake? This is how you are viewed by proper angelic beings. You are positive enough. You are loved unconditionally. There is nothing to fear but fear itself.

 

[sundown12]

Yes, I hear you. I often feel the same way.

When it comes to the last point, have you experienced abuse of trust, neglect or abandonment by family or others in this lifetime? I've caught myself projecting the signature of that experience onto higher powers. Tragically, this can lead to experiencing it as such, even though it's not really true. We are not talking about humans and their twisted idea about love; the unconditional love of higher beings is of a sacred, ineffable realm. Same thing with if you have been made to feel unworthy by mistreatment by people and have created a story about it that is being projected onto the cosmos.

I've asked for some advice on dealing with those earthbound troublemakers and will get back to you when I get a reply. In the meantime, here's an article about the earthbound condition based on NDE research, which the author refers to as 'hell'. It is not something forced upon us by another power but is a result of having the wrong idea about ourselves. Often people immediately escape it (whether the body is alive or not) simply by surrendering these false beliefs. As mentioned, the name of Jesus seems particularly powerful.

For now, have you ever felt love towards, say, an animal or a child even though they made a mistake? This is how you are viewed by proper angelic beings. You are positive enough. You are loved unconditionally. There is nothing to fear but fear itself.

yes, i have, it's part of the reason i want to ctb. i'm aware that i am projecting my feelings towards my parents onto the higher powers, but i've been doing it for so long, it completely broke my trust in spirit guides.

thank you! i'm looking forward to any info.

i've looked through this article, and now i'm honestly terrified of what comes for me after death. there are a lot of different reasons why i want to ctb, and one of them is revenge. now i'm scared i'm going to be forced to see my parents finding my body as some fort of punishment. i have a lot of anger and resentment inside my heart, and i've been told by a psychic that my thought are 98% negative. i don't think i'll be let into the light so easily now. what if my soul planned for me to ctb so I go to these hellish realms and suffer even more? i'm convinced it just wants me to experience pain as much as possible, for the reasons I don't know. like it just came up with all those twists and turns in my life to make me wanna ctb and go to hell specifically. i know i'm reaching, but like...what if?

i just wish my guides would give me a sign. or share any information on why I chose this particular life. and i'm scared that my purpose is something i don't want to do. you always hear about people genuinely wanting to help others and that being their purpose in this life, but i honestly have no empathy for other people. it just makes me feel cast out even more. and i had a bad experience with a psychic who told me i'm supposed to fulfill my purpose whether i like it or not. as a woman, i had my agency stripped away from me from day one, so does it mean my soul expects me to throw myself away for others too? people in spiritual community love to talk about doing service for others, but i just feel so disconnected from this idea. it makes me feel like i fucked up my life.

 

[MountainMonkey]

it just makes me feel like shit that i'm not *positive* enough, or not *forgiving* enough, or whatever.

ha, great, now i'm terrified of becoming one of these nasty spirits when i ctb. i'd love to know how to deal with them though, so if you could share any info, i would greatly appreciate it!

idk, i just feel like it's so dumb that they can't (or won't) communicate with us while we are in a low frequency. that's when we need them the most right? like i'm actually pretty pissed off at them still, even knowing the limitations and such. maybe it's irrational, but i can't shake off the feeling of distrust and being abandoned by them.

I grew to trust and depend on my spirits for protection and direction in life. Until about a year ago when They misled me to make the biggest mistake in my life.

I trusted them to guide me and now I'm suicidal with pain and grief weighing down my chest every day. So I'm pissed at them as well.

I bought some shrooms recently, so hopefully an aggressive trip will shed some light on my current situation.

 

[sundown12]

I grew to trust and depend on my spirits for protection and direction in life. Until about a year ago when They misled me to make the biggest mistake in my life.

I trusted them to guide me and now I'm suicidal with pain and grief weighing down my chest every day. So I'm pissed at them as well.

I bought some shrooms recently, so hopefully an aggressive trip will shed some light on my current situation.

omg same here...i did something horrible during quarantine, i could never forgive myself now. it's the single biggest regret of my life, and they did not stop me from doing it. how bad was your mistake?

YO i was just planning to get some shrooms too as soon as i get paid this month!! i'm prone to delusions tho, so i'm a bit scared of seeing things, but i hope shrooms will clarify some things for me.

 

[Lifeaballache]

i feel like i've done something terribly wrong in my past life, and i'm now suffering the consequences.

i'm heavily into spirituality, and spiritual community is obsessed with stuff like connecting with your soul and whatnot, but how can i connect to my soul if i know it chose this shitty vessel and this miserable pathetic life for me? if my soul loves me or whatever, how could it possibly choose to lock me in this prison and watch me suffer for all these years?

i also believe in angels and spirit guides, but they never once helped me or protected me. sometimes i imagine them talking shit about me and eating popcorn as they watch my life shamble in pieces, lol.

i'm scared that universe will somehow punish me by making me survive my ctb attempt but like make me paralyzed or have brain damage, and will try to force me to *really* appreciate what i had before. fuck that shit and fuck all those stupid ass life lessons that i'm supposed to learn or whatever. that's why i wish i had a backup option in case i wake up as a vegetable, like having a gun or something, don't even know if I would be able to use it. the thing about my situation is that no one will find me or try to stop me since I live by myself, but that makes me even more scared that I will wake up and won't even be able to use the toilet because i'm a *lucky* survivor of ctb attempt.

just feels like my life is some sort of pain simulation, where everyone else gets to be normal and experience all the nice things life has to offer, but i'm doomed to suffer because *life lessons* and *soul evolution*

tbh i rarely post things on the internet, so i'm sorry for venting, just felt like i have to get this off my chest. also, if you are not into spirituality, please don't try to change my mind about it or say that it's all bullshit or whatnot, you do you, but it's very personal to me.

If you wake up as a vegetable you will most likely die anyway. So don't panic.

I grew to trust and depend on my spirits for protection and direction in life. Until about a year ago when They misled me to make the biggest mistake in my life.

I trusted them to guide me and now I'm suicidal with pain and grief weighing down my chest every day. So I'm pissed at them as well.

I bought some shrooms recently, so hopefully an aggressive trip will shed some light on my current situation.

What do shrooms do?

 

[MountainMonkey]

omg same here...i did something horrible during quarantine, i could never forgive myself now. it's the single biggest regret of my life, and they did not stop me from doing it. how bad was your mistake?

YO i was just planning to get some shrooms too as soon as i get paid this month!! i'm prone to delusions tho, so i'm a bit scared of seeing things, but i hope shrooms will clarify some things for me.

My mistake shook my happy, off grid life. And I'd rather die than to be forced back into society (my anxiety can't handle it and I refuse to be part of the city rat race). As far as your mistake is concerned, is your conscience holding you hostage?

Before you trip, You might want to watch a few videos about shamans that guide trips. Get some headphones, pick out calming music, essential oils, and a safe environment. I'm going to hike deep in the woods with my tent.

 

[sundown12]

My mistake shook my happy, off grid life. And I'd rather die than to be forced back into society (my anxiety can't handle it and I refuse to be part of the city rat race). As far as your mistake is concerned, is your conscience holding you hostage?

Before you trip, You might want to watch a few videos about shamans that guide trips. Get some headphones, pick out calming music, essential oils, and a safe environment. I'm going to hike deep in the woods with my tent.

my mistake ruined any possibility of a happy future for me. i fucked up big time.

i bought some cool rgb lights to make my place more comfy and i'm going to cleanse my space before tripping. it's going to be my second time doing shrooms. on my first attempt i ended up in a psych ward...it was fun though lol.

 

[theboy]

I understand you
It's like a conspiracy against us

 

[Pluto]

yes, i have, it's part of the reason i want to ctb. i'm aware that i am projecting my feelings towards my parents onto the higher powers, but i've been doing it for so long, it completely broke my trust in spirit guides.

thank you! i'm looking forward to any info.

i've looked through this article, and now i'm honestly terrified of what comes for me after death. there are a lot of different reasons why i want to ctb, and one of them is revenge. now i'm scared i'm going to be forced to see my parents finding my body as some fort of punishment. i have a lot of anger and resentment inside my heart, and i've been told by a psychic that my thought are 98% negative. i don't think i'll be let into the light so easily now. what if my soul planned for me to ctb so I go to these hellish realms and suffer even more? i'm convinced it just wants me to experience pain as much as possible, for the reasons I don't know. like it just came up with all those twists and turns in my life to make me wanna ctb and go to hell specifically. i know i'm reaching, but like...what if?

i just wish my guides would give me a sign. or share any information on why I chose this particular life. and i'm scared that my purpose is something i don't want to do. you always hear about people genuinely wanting to help others and that being their purpose in this life, but i honestly have no empathy for other people. it just makes me feel cast out even more. and i had a bad experience with a psychic who told me i'm supposed to fulfill my purpose whether i like it or not. as a woman, i had my agency stripped away from me from day one, so does it mean my soul expects me to throw myself away for others too? people in spiritual community love to talk about doing service for others, but i just feel so disconnected from this idea. it makes me feel like i fucked up my life.

I totally understand how you feel. I have very similar thoughts. But still, there are answers to your questions.

Regarding troublemaking spirits: my friend said she thought she had earthbound spirits at one stage, but they turned out to be 'little demons'. A cleansing of the house wasn't enough, and she needed to employ the help of someone in the US (we are Australian). She says that information is readily available online on this topic. But it doesn't seem like this is the big issue now.

First, a quick primer. Heaven/light/God/etc. is our eternal home, and in fact one we never left. This world is analogous to wearing VR goggles. The downside of an eternal paradise of pure love is that there is no way of being awed by your own magnificence, since it is just 'normal' there. There is no way of experiencing healing because there is no suffering. No growth because everything is perfect. No forgiveness because there is no sin, etc. So the virtual world of light/dark duality was thus created to resolve this divine quandary.

About guides: their role is not to be parents, and even if it were, a good parent does not stop their offspring making mistakes, nor interfere with natural consequences unless there's a damn good reason to do so. Otherwise, their growth towards independence would be stunted. Guides are always readily available, but it is necessary to have a quiet and receptive inner state to hear them. (Note: another great article based on NDE research here for further information.)

The natural flow of life has a theme of ebb and flow. Think day and night, birth and death, highs and low, sleep and wakefulness, ignorance and enlightenment. Your current state is one of being lost deep in the forest of suffering, and as soon as you feel you've truly had enough, the only place to go is back towards the light. Hence the easiest path is to start shedding the false ideas you've collected about yourself now. Fear is the great enemy of humans and gives rise to all our troubles. Love is your destiny, as well as you true nature here and now.

My advice is to first and foremost start to quiet the outside world and bring serenity to your mind. Are you open to meditation? Retreats? Time in nature? Your mind will protest with clever arguments, but you can see it is not taking you down a good path right now. Perhaps it is even blocking your guides on purpose. Whether in this world, some afterlife realm or a future lifetime, this is your work. The good news is that you cannot fail, but just know that some paths are far more difficult than others.

 

[sundown12]

I totally understand how you feel. I have very similar thoughts. But still, there are answers to your questions.

Regarding troublemaking spirits: my friend said she thought she had earthbound spirits at one stage, but they turned out to be 'little demons'. A cleansing of the house wasn't enough, and she needed to employ the help of someone in the US (we are Australian). She says that information is readily available online on this topic. But it doesn't seem like this is the big issue now.

First, a quick primer. Heaven/light/God/etc. is our eternal home, and in fact one we never left. This world is analogous to wearing VR goggles. The downside of an eternal paradise of pure love is that there is no way of being awed by your own magnificence, since it is just 'normal' there. There is no way of experiencing healing because there is no suffering. No growth because everything is perfect. No forgiveness because there is no sin, etc. So the virtual world of light/dark duality was thus created to resolve this divine quandary.

About guides: their role is not to be parents, and even if it were, a good parent does not stop their offspring making mistakes, nor interfere with natural consequences unless there's a damn good reason to do so. Otherwise, their growth towards independence would be stunted. Guides are always readily available, but it is necessary to have a quiet and receptive inner state to hear them. (Note: another great article based on NDE research here for further information.)

The natural flow of life has a theme of ebb and flow. Think day and night, birth and death, highs and low, sleep and wakefulness, ignorance and enlightenment. Your current state is one of being lost deep in the forest of suffering, and as soon as you feel you've truly had enough, the only place to go is back towards the light. Hence the easiest path is to start shedding the false ideas you've collected about yourself now. Fear is the great enemy of humans and gives rise to all our troubles. Love is your destiny, as well as you true nature here and now.

My advice is to first and foremost start to quiet the outside world and bring serenity to your mind. Are you open to meditation? Retreats? Time in nature? Your mind will protest with clever arguments, but you can see it is not taking you down a good path right now. Perhaps it is even blocking your guides on purpose. Whether in this world, some afterlife realm or a future lifetime, this is your work. The good news is that you cannot fail, but just know that some paths are far more difficult than others.

what is the difference between earthbound spirits and little demons?

okay, so here's my question. how is there no judgement up there, if in case of revenge suicide, i end up in lower vibrational realm? isn't that a form of judgement in itself? and again, if there is not duality, why are angels 100% good and earthbound spirits are 100% evil?

and why are we encouraged to prioritize positive emotions over negative, if they are both, supposedly, one and the same? and obviously, shitty emotions make you feel shitty and lower your vibration. but then, some of them are good, like anger for example - it's higher on a frequency scale than shame/fear/apathy. idk i'm rambling at this point, but i've been boiling in negative emotions for so long, and i don't think i can get my point across accurately, but i just fail to see how there's no duality if some things are universally Good and some are universally Bad, even up there.

 

[makethepainstop]

i feel like i've done something terribly wrong in my past life, and i'm now suffering the consequences.

i'm heavily into spirituality, and spiritual community is obsessed with stuff like connecting with your soul and whatnot, but how can i connect to my soul if i know it chose this shitty vessel and this miserable pathetic life for me? if my soul loves me or whatever, how could it possibly choose to lock me in this prison and watch me suffer for all these years?

i also believe in angels and spirit guides, but they never once helped me or protected me. sometimes i imagine them talking shit about me and eating popcorn as they watch my life shamble in pieces, lol.

i'm scared that universe will somehow punish me by making me survive my ctb attempt but like make me paralyzed or have brain damage, and will try to force me to *really* appreciate what i had before. fuck that shit and fuck all those stupid ass life lessons that i'm supposed to learn or whatever. that's why i wish i had a backup option in case i wake up as a vegetable, like having a gun or something, don't even know if I would be able to use it. the thing about my situation is that no one will find me or try to stop me since I live by myself, but that makes me even more scared that I will wake up and won't even be able to use the toilet because i'm a *lucky* survivor of ctb attempt.

just feels like my life is some sort of pain simulation, where everyone else gets to be normal and experience all the nice things life has to offer, but i'm doomed to suffer because *life lessons* and *soul evolution*

tbh i rarely post things on the internet, so i'm sorry for venting, just felt like i have to get this off my chest. also, if you are not into spirituality, please don't try to change my mind about it or say that it's all bullshit or whatnot, you do you, but it's very personal to me.

And now you know why so many of us don't want to exist!

 

[Pluto]

what is the difference between earthbound spirits and little demons?

okay, so here's my question. how is there no judgement up there, if in case of revenge suicide, i end up in lower vibrational realm? isn't that a form of judgement in itself? and again, if there is not duality, why are angels 100% good and earthbound spirits are 100% evil?

and why are we encouraged to prioritize positive emotions over negative, if they are both, supposedly, one and the same? and obviously, shitty emotions make you feel shitty and lower your vibration. but then, some of them are good, like anger for example - it's higher on a frequency scale than shame/fear/apathy. idk i'm rambling at this point, but i've been boiling in negative emotions for so long, and i don't think i can get my point across accurately, but i just fail to see how there's no duality if some things are universally Good and some are universally Bad, even up there.

First of all I wanted to say thanks for this conversation. It's almost unheard of to be able to discourse like this and it's putting me into a different state.

I'm not too sure about your first question, though this article has a bit more general info on the topic of spirits troubling people. Your main question about good and evil is an important one to cover.

Firstly, there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. All beings have the same source, but some appear to us in forms that are more delusional and primitive than others. The litmus test for this is whether beings behave with selfishness/mischievousness or are unconditionally loving. Yes, it looks like a good/evil dualism from our perspective. As an analogy, it looks like the sun is gone at night, purely because it is obscured. A fully realised being, such as a guide, is incapable of anything but unconditional love; perhaps this is analogous to viewing the sun from outer space, where its permanency is unavoidable.

Rather than labelling things good or bad, it becomes a question of making wise choices. Hitting my hand with a hammer is not evil, but it is perhaps unwise. It is wise to make choices based on understanding natural consequences.

Emotions are not a problem in themselves and are a natural part of the human experience. It is unhelpful to label any emotions as 'bad' and repress them, as they will linger and cause unseen harm over time. Unfortunately, almost every human does this as we are not taught to deal with emotions properly as children.

For best results, offer no resistance to the emotion - anger, grief, confusion, etc. Let it stay. Observe its energy in the body but do not label the physical sensations or judge them. Make no attempt to push it away nor to distract yourself. Darker emotions are analogous to your inner child wanting to express something and be heard. If given centre stage, it will pass in its own time to reveal our natural underlying state of peace. But if repressed, its energy will linger and cause harm.

For anyone interested in the shadow work of dealing with previously repressed emotions, traumas and so on, I can recommend looking into The Work of Byron Katie. She offers practical steps for exposing incorrect thinking.

 

[sundown12]

First of all I wanted to say thanks for this conversation. It's almost unheard of to be able to discourse like this and it's putting me into a different state.

I'm not too sure about your first question, though this article has a bit more general info on the topic of spirits troubling people. Your main question about good and evil is an important one to cover.

Firstly, there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. All beings have the same source, but some appear to us in forms that are more delusional and primitive than others. The litmus test for this is whether beings behave with selfishness/mischievousness or are unconditionally loving. Yes, it looks like a good/evil dualism from our perspective. As an analogy, it looks like the sun is gone at night, purely because it is obscured. A fully realised being, such as a guide, is incapable of anything but unconditional love; perhaps this is analogous to viewing the sun from outer space, where its permanency is unavoidable.

Rather than labelling things good or bad, it becomes a question of making wise choices. Hitting my hand with a hammer is not evil, but it is perhaps unwise. It is wise to make choices based on understanding natural consequences.

Emotions are not a problem in themselves and are a natural part of the human experience. It is unhelpful to label any emotions as 'bad' and repress them, as they will linger and cause unseen harm over time. Unfortunately, almost every human does this as we are not taught to deal with emotions properly as children.

For best results, offer no resistance to the emotion - anger, grief, confusion, etc. Let it stay. Observe its energy in the body but do not label the physical sensations or judge them. Make no attempt to push it away nor to distract yourself. Darker emotions are analogous to your inner child wanting to express something and be heard. If given centre stage, it will pass in its own time to reveal our natural underlying state of peace. But if repressed, its energy will linger and cause harm.

For anyone interested in the shadow work of dealing with previously repressed emotions, traumas and so on, I can recommend looking into The Work of Byron Katie. She offers practical steps for exposing incorrect thinking.

my pleasure, i always look forward to your replies.

regarding the entities - i see what you mean. i've been reading some books and i'm going to try to yeet them out of my energy field by myself. i've tried working with psychics, but for some reason those bloodsuckers always end up coming back, so i guess i gotta do it myself.

i'm sorry in advance for this...word dump, but i'm gonna be honest with you. i wanna ctb because of many reasons, but my main reason is because i can't seem to find my purpose. like...the Big purpose that's gonna make my heart full and make my existence at least a little bit more bearable. i don't have any particular talents, and i used to be super creative, but for the past 10 years my main talent has been keeping myself away from catching the bus.

i got really really hurt by spirituality, and i want to find my way back to it, but it just seems like everything i try doesn't work for me - i don't feel happy doing things that i used to love, and i never fell in love with anything new. the only thing that makes me happy is listening to my favorite music. it really does raise my frequency. idk i'm just so jealous of my favorite singers performing on stage and REALLY making an impact on the world, and here i am, rotting away in my room. and i don't want to have a *small* life. i know everyone has a different path, but i always dreamed of something grand for myself. i ended up having none of that. and now it's either i ctb or do something about my life.

maybe i've watched too many movies as a kid, but i just know my spirit team is watching me, and at this point in my story, they ought to give me a sign to keep me from ending it all. but it's like i'm blocked off from the spiritual realm. it's like...they want me to sink or swim. the thing is, it makes sense for someone with an actual support system down here to not have access to upper realms, or any guidance at all, because they have people around them. but i don't have anyone at all. so wouldn't it make sense for me to have access to my spirit team to have the support I need? a lot of people with hardcore trauma have some sort of psychic communication with their guides, so they don't wither away from all of their traumas down there. idk i got drunk, and i've been reading some occult books that mix spiritual traditions from various cultures, so i decided to call in 6 angels and then i told them all to fuck off. then i called in my spirit team and fired them, lol.

anyway, my question is. what are your thoughts on finding one's purpose? have you found yours? why do some people just get thrown into their calling, and others struggle to find it for years?