Punished by God, for the faithful

[Supersadmommy90]

I'm not necessarily looking for people to remark on this post as consisting of silly, religious superstition, as I'm sure many will think. This has more to do with my own feelings and observations, when I look back at the wreckage of my own life, I genuinely feel cursed. I've been subject to various traumas throughout my life as I'm sure most of us on this site have at one time or another. Some of these traumas were inflicted on me as a child, and I certainly don't think I deserved those. However, some of the traumas I have suffered in adolescence and adulthood, absolutely were my fault, and in most cases, although I don't care to belabor too many details, came about through some outrageous sin I committed at one time or another. I know, I sound like a religious zealot at this point and I'm sure some of you have stopped reading before even making it this far, Lol. But at some point it all just becomes too eerie and uncanny. How could I think the net sum of my present circumstances, wasn't just, and ordained, and a natural physical consequence of all of my misdeeds? I feel I am being punished for all of the sins I have ever committed. The emotional torment and pain I am in have me begging God for mercy I don't feel I even deserve. I'm sure I'm not all that horrible of a person, I've never killed, but I have done my fair share of other things. I know I'm redeemed, but my body and soul are in tatters and I can't help but feel the physical and emotional effects of being a fallen person living in this fallen world. I am begging God for mercy at this point, to either be delivered out of the torment I'm in, or for his forgiveness when I ctb and throw off the burden of what feels like a life sentence. I'm sentenced to live out this broken life. That is how it feels.

I know that it isn't even completely rational to feel this way, since I know lots of rotten people who are perfectly happy, not being divinely punished, and who aren't depressed. But for whatever reason, I feel the heavy stroke of God's reproach on me... It's so personal.. The aches and pains, and emotions I feel, feel so personal, like they were handpicked for me to feel. I'll probably regret posting this insane, religious fever dream of a rant tomorrow, I know there are so many atheist on this site just raising an eyebrow and smirking at this. It's so difficult to put this feeling I have into words. I don't want to feel the way I feel, but I just deserve to feel everything I feel, that is how it feels, and it feels awful.

 

[Puddings]

So I can only speak for myself, but what I can say is that I do understand what you are going through, no matter how irrational it might seem to others. It's very hard to just let go of our beliefs when we have been taught to believe something for all our life. I myself have been through so much trauma as a child, and then as an adult also. The biggest struggle is to try and make sense of the senselessness. To find a reason or purpose for why everything happened to you. Personally for me, if all the bad things just happened, with no rhyme or reason behind it, it just seems so senseless and so cruel. It's like I have this deep need to make sense of it, and one of those ways I do try to make sense of it, is by believing that God has punished me or that I am being punished, because I feel like such a bad person and that I have caused it. On an intellectual level somewhere I do know that even the things that I did wrong that caused me trauma as an adult, is mostly because of the trauma as a child and I do know that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. But on an emotional level I feel like if I am not perfect God hates me and that I am fundamentally bad and being punished because the amount of bad stuff that happened is just too much to be normal. I cant explain it any other way and its the only way I can make sense of it.

I feel like religion is based on fear and good and bad, to control us. Yet it is very hard to shake it. Especially for someone like me, where my abuse was founded and intertwined on and with religion. So sad that the victims are the ones feeling like shit, like they are punished for life, while the abusers probably never feel shame or guilt. Trauma is messy.

 

[Nuggest]

"Congratulations, you are one step closer to hitting bottom."
The sad truth is that the purpose of life (here on earth) is suffering, we are nothing more than livestock. Our existence on earth is setup such that pretty much no one will find out the truth - most are too busy and exhausted from securing basic survival, pressured and indoctrinated into blissful ignorance, and then either divided into mainstream religions or atheism. Enough manipulation that most wont question their existence in the span a lifetime.

Archontic Soul Trap

1. Overview In previous articles we have discussed the phenomenon of near-death experiences. We judge that these frequently attested cases offer some brief glimpses of the other side and represent...

www.prometheanrebellion.com

 

[jgm63]

I'm not necessarily looking for people to remark on this post as consisting of silly, religious superstition, as I'm sure many will think. This has more to do with my own feelings and observations, when I look back at the wreckage of my own life, I genuinely feel cursed. I've been subject to various traumas throughout my life as I'm sure most of us on this site have at one time or another. Some of these traumas were inflicted on me as a child, and I certainly don't think I deserved those. However, some of the traumas I have suffered in adolescence and adulthood, absolutely were my fault, and in most cases, although I don't care to belabor too many details, came about through some outrageous sin I committed at one time or another. I know, I sound like a religious zealot at this point and I'm sure some of you have stopped reading before even making it this far, Lol. But at some point it all just becomes too eerie and uncanny. How could I think the net sum of my present circumstances, wasn't just, and ordained, and a natural physical consequence of all of my misdeeds? I feel I am being punished for all of the sins I have ever committed. The emotional torment and pain I am in have me begging God for mercy I don't feel I even deserve. I'm sure I'm not all that horrible of a person, I've never killed, but I have done my fair share of other things. I know I'm redeemed, but my body and soul are in tatters and I can't help but feel the physical and emotional effects of being a fallen person living in this fallen world. I am begging God for mercy at this point, to either be delivered out of the torment I'm in, or for his forgiveness when I ctb and throw off the burden of what feels like a life sentence. I'm sentenced to live out this broken life. That is how it feels.

I know that it isn't even completely rational to feel this way, since I know lots of rotten people who are perfectly happy, not being divinely punished, and who aren't depressed. But for whatever reason, I feel the heavy stroke of God's reproach on me... It's so personal.. The aches and pains, and emotions I feel, feel so personal, like they were handpicked for me to feel. I'll probably regret posting this insane, religious fever dream of a rant tomorrow, I know there are so many atheist on this site just raising an eyebrow and smirking at this. It's so difficult to put this feeling I have into words. I don't want to feel the way I feel, but I just deserve to feel everything I feel, that is how it feels, and it feels awful.

Perhaps everyone has to eventually go through what you are going through....
In which case, perhaps you are ahead of the curve.

 

[_Minsk]

i've prayed several times when i was younger, maybe some feel better after praying, but i never truly felt 'praying' had any effect, except of feeling more calm.. i also can't say things like 'karma' do exist, but i also can't prove that it doesn't.. the only problems i see in those religious belief are that people might be tricked into believing they did something wrong, life to me seems like roulette, you never know what you gonna experience next. this could lead to believing that every bad thing you experience is 'your fault'..

i feel the same and i wonder why do i have to go trough all these things, i know people who do really bad things but they seem not to have to deal with any consequences.. maybe im wrong but if this god exist, why does he let us suffer if he is so loving..

 

[purplemoon]

I had what they refer to as an NDE some years ago, had my life review, etc, and when I was upset saying I don't want to go back in my body, I was told WHY I have these experiences in the physical realm, along with how it works (and allowed to keep most of that). Long story short... it all depends on who you are, what you are doing that has ripple effects, and the 'sin' is actually when you turn away from what is good, balanced, kind. Anyone can sin, including me and even the most devout person you can think of... when you turn away it attracts demonic forces. I can totally understand why so many people are atheist, or say that's 'crazy', etc. Organized religion, specifically Judaism and Christianity, both have huge chunks of it correct... but many misinterpretations as well. The problem is when people define reality based on their human brain with all of its limitations.

People laugh and scoff at the idea of demons, angels. God, Jesus, and Satan. The shocker of their existence will be once they perish and leave their body in the physical realm and enter the spiritual, they are in for one big surprise; that the whole time, it was true. You can think of the true reality as a stage where good versus evil is played out, where emotions and actions create energy, what we know of as "physics". Science strives to explain what we see and understand, with many corrections along the way. The point many miss is that God sent an extension of his energy into creating Yeshua (Jesus) as part egg/human and part God, to try to help us. I've been frustrated with the entire 'program' of existence, yet, despite the suffering and cruelty run amok on this planet within this species, God still remains the most decent, trustworthy choice, although many souls have 'jobs' (including me) that is exhausting. Evil creates suffering, Evil works through weaknesses, and hunts the good and the innocent.

Most people make the mistake of assuming black and white choices when it comes to religion or belief. The problem with that is like saying if human made "Oceanography" claims there are elephants along with sharks in the ocean and people completely reject it based on the 'elephants' error, they are still dismissing the fact that the ocean DOES exist along with sharks in it, etc.

Like Heaven & Hell, the above analogy explains that just because humans misinterpret PART of a human misinterpretation, does not mean that ALL of it is wrong or does not exist. There is an entire spiritual reality happening the entire time that humans often do not sense as they try to explain everything based on physical senses, not spiritual.

God is not punishing you, God punishes in the afterlife mainly, but demons torture both the guilty and the innocent.

 

[Skyview]

I had what they refer to as an NDE some years ago, had my life review, etc, and when I was upset saying I don't want to go back in my body, I was told WHY I have these experiences in the physical realm, along with how it works (and allowed to keep most of that). Long story short... it all depends on who you are, what you are doing that has ripple effects, and the 'sin' is actually when you turn away from what is good, balanced, kind. Anyone can sin, including me and even the most devout person you can think of... when you turn away it attracts demonic forces. I can totally understand why so many people are atheist, or say that's 'crazy', etc. Organized religion, specifically Judaism and Christianity, both have huge chunks of it correct... but many misinterpretations as well. The problem is when people define reality based on their human brain with all of its limitations.

People laugh and scoff at the idea of demons, angels. God, Jesus, and Satan. The shocker of their existence will be once they perish and leave their body in the physical realm and enter the spiritual, they are in for one big surprise; that the whole time, it was true. You can think of the true reality as a stage where good versus evil is played out, where emotions and actions create energy, what we know of as "physics". Science strives to explain what we see and understand, with many corrections along the way. The point many miss is that God sent an extension of his energy into creating Yeshua (Jesus) as part egg/human and part God, to try to help us. I've been frustrated with the entire 'program' of existence, yet, despite the suffering and cruelty run amok on this planet within this species, God still remains the most decent, trustworthy choice, although many souls have 'jobs' (including me) that is exhausting. Evil creates suffering, Evil works through weaknesses, and hunts the good and the innocent.

Most people make the mistake of assuming black and white choices when it comes to religion or belief. The problem with that is like saying if human made "Oceanography" claims there are elephants along with sharks in the ocean and people completely reject it based on the 'elephants' error, they are still dismissing the fact that the ocean DOES exist along with sharks in it, etc.

Like Heaven & Hell, the above analogy explains that just because humans misinterpret PART of a human misinterpretation, does not mean that ALL of it is wrong or does not exist. There is an entire spiritual reality happening the entire time that humans often do not sense as they try to explain everything based on physical senses, not spiritual.

God is not punishing you, God punishes in the afterlife mainly, but demons torture both the guilty and the innocent.

Interesting post ! Earth is a prison and the demonic realm is annexed to it . Summoning a demon is not really difficult if someone has a mind to do so ,though I'd dissuade anyone attempting this . Demonic realm has an hierarchy and it has been severely impacted , few people know of this !
I am curious how you received your life review , NDE's are normally suspended rather than full arrival since it's already known they will be resuscitated . Another thought , In spiritual or physical form when you received your review , if in physical form can you determine the age of the body you received.

I'm not necessarily looking for people to remark on this post as consisting of silly, religious superstition, as I'm sure many will think. This has more to do with my own feelings and observations, when I look back at the wreckage of my own life, I genuinely feel cursed. I've been subject to various traumas throughout my life as I'm sure most of us on this site have at one time or another. Some of these traumas were inflicted on me as a child, and I certainly don't think I deserved those. However, some of the traumas I have suffered in adolescence and adulthood, absolutely were my fault, and in most cases, although I don't care to belabor too many details, came about through some outrageous sin I committed at one time or another. I know, I sound like a religious zealot at this point and I'm sure some of you have stopped reading before even making it this far, Lol. But at some point it all just becomes too eerie and uncanny. How could I think the net sum of my present circumstances, wasn't just, and ordained, and a natural physical consequence of all of my misdeeds? I feel I am being punished for all of the sins I have ever committed. The emotional torment and pain I am in have me begging God for mercy I don't feel I even deserve. I'm sure I'm not all that horrible of a person, I've never killed, but I have done my fair share of other things. I know I'm redeemed, but my body and soul are in tatters and I can't help but feel the physical and emotional effects of being a fallen person living in this fallen world. I am begging God for mercy at this point, to either be delivered out of the torment I'm in, or for his forgiveness when I ctb and throw off the burden of what feels like a life sentence. I'm sentenced to live out this broken life. That is how it feels.

I know that it isn't even completely rational to feel this way, since I know lots of rotten people who are perfectly happy, not being divinely punished, and who aren't depressed. But for whatever reason, I feel the heavy stroke of God's reproach on me... It's so personal.. The aches and pains, and emotions I feel, feel so personal, like they were handpicked for me to feel. I'll probably regret posting this insane, religious fever dream of a rant tomorrow, I know there are so many atheist on this site just raising an eyebrow and smirking at this. It's so difficult to put this feeling I have into words. I don't want to feel the way I feel, but I just deserve to feel everything I feel, that is how it feels, and it feels awful.

God is not punishing you in any shape or form . You are punishing yourself with your thoughts so ease up and don't be so hard on yourself ,I'm not patronizing you . God doesn't single out individuals for harsh treatment and just for the record I'm not religious!
One possibility though it's rare to occur , your resolve may be tested yet it doesn't incur physical pain , love of self and others is essential if you wish to move forward in life and to also move forward in the phase of existence.

 

[ManWithNoName]

"Congratulations, you are one step closer to hitting bottom."
The sad truth is that the purpose of life (here on earth) is suffering, we are nothing more than livestock. Our existence on earth is setup such that pretty much no one will find out the truth - most are too busy and exhausted from securing basic survival, pressured and indoctrinated into blissful ignorance, and then either divided into mainstream religions or atheism. Enough manipulation that most wont question their existence in the span a lifetime.

Archontic Soul Trap

1. Overview In previous articles we have discussed the phenomenon of near-death experiences. We judge that these frequently attested cases offer some brief glimpses of the other side and represent...

www.prometheanrebellion.com

I concur. And just to add into the mix :

 

[Skyview]

"Congratulations, you are one step closer to hitting bottom."
The sad truth is that the purpose of life (here on earth) is suffering, we are nothing more than livestock. Our existence on earth is setup such that pretty much no one will find out the truth - most are too busy and exhausted from securing basic survival, pressured and indoctrinated into blissful ignorance, and then either divided into mainstream religions or atheism. Enough manipulation that most wont question their existence in the span a lifetime.

Archontic Soul Trap

1. Overview In previous articles we have discussed the phenomenon of near-death experiences. We judge that these frequently attested cases offer some brief glimpses of the other side and represent...

www.prometheanrebellion.com

You are free to break the chains to escape or not !

 

[Supersadmommy90]

I had what they refer to as an NDE some years ago, had my life review, etc, and when I was upset saying I don't want to go back in my body, I was told WHY I have these experiences in the physical realm, along with how it works (and allowed to keep most of that). Long story short... it all depends on who you are, what you are doing that has ripple effects, and the 'sin' is actually when you turn away from what is good, balanced, kind. Anyone can sin, including me and even the most devout person you can think of... when you turn away it attracts demonic forces. I can totally understand why so many people are atheist, or say that's 'crazy', etc. Organized religion, specifically Judaism and Christianity, both have huge chunks of it correct... but many misinterpretations as well. The problem is when people define reality based on their human brain with all of its limitations.

People laugh and scoff at the idea of demons, angels. God, Jesus, and Satan. The shocker of their existence will be once they perish and leave their body in the physical realm and enter the spiritual, they are in for one big surprise; that the whole time, it was true. You can think of the true reality as a stage where good versus evil is played out, where emotions and actions create energy, what we know of as "physics". Science strives to explain what we see and understand, with many corrections along the way. The point many miss is that God sent an extension of his energy into creating Yeshua (Jesus) as part egg/human and part God, to try to help us. I've been frustrated with the entire 'program' of existence, yet, despite the suffering and cruelty run amok on this planet within this species, God still remains the most decent, trustworthy choice, although many souls have 'jobs' (including me) that is exhausting. Evil creates suffering, Evil works through weaknesses, and hunts the good and the innocent.

Most people make the mistake of assuming black and white choices when it comes to religion or belief. The problem with that is like saying if human made "Oceanography" claims there are elephants along with sharks in the ocean and people completely reject it based on the 'elephants' error, they are still dismissing the fact that the ocean DOES exist along with sharks in it, etc.

Like Heaven & Hell, the above analogy explains that just because humans misinterpret PART of a human misinterpretation, does not mean that ALL of it is wrong or does not exist. There is an entire spiritual reality happening the entire time that humans often do not sense as they try to explain everything based on physical senses, not spiritual.

God is not punishing you, God punishes in the afterlife mainly, but demons torture both the guilty and the innocent.

This ended up being a very thoughtful and helpful reply, thank you. Very interesting regarding your NDE and life review. I have always lived in anticipation of this myself, and it has been something that has restrained me from ctb, probably one of the strongest things stopping me actually has been the fear of not doing everything on earth God wanted me here to do, and the severity of that I find scary. I know that when I die I will instantaneously land in the hot seat and the scrolls will be opened, it is appointed to men once to die and then after this the judgement. I look at death as an appointment. It's best not to rush this appointment and to let God decide the date. If I ctb, I'm not sure that God will take kindly to me abandoning my earthly duties, since like yourself I'm a soul with a lot on my plate here on earth. There are things I believe God wants me to do that will take at least another 15 years to accomplish before I could reasonably think of bowing out with minimal repercussions. I've already asked and pleaded for God to bail me out one last time, as in, to give me a new lease on life where I can at least go through my days in a state of relative emotional stability. Right now I am reeling from over a year and a half's worth of emotional trauma that has yet to be healed or resolved. I'm begging God to give me a break one last time, even though I made my bed and I deserve to lay in it, I just don't know if I'll survive laying in it for too much longer if nothing changes.

I am still holding out hope that it will and cutting myself another 6-9 months worth of slack to try and turn this trajectory I am on around before I do anything too drastic.

I hope that God forgives me and heals my life out of his goodness, because it certainly wouldn't be out of mine. Not that I have that power or ability even if I wanted to. Only God can rescue me from my present circumstances, no human can.

I absolutely know the demonic realm is real and exists. I have had too many supernatural life experiences (not necessarily good ones) and suffered too much demonic torture personally to see it any differently. They've been having their way with me and treating me like their rag doll for month and months and I'm completely fucking sick and fed up with it.

Like I said I hope things get better.

Thank you and God bless you too.

 

[OvertheRainbeaux]

Yeah I definitely have felt where you're coming from, it's actually one of the main reasons I stopped being religious. I mean I was never really religious to begin with but I was raised in the Catholic Church, with religious family members, and went to CCD, was baptized, had my first communion so you'd think I would have a lot of faith in God... well with all the trauma I've dealt with just like you I felt punished by God. I remember one time as a kid running upstairs into my room and crying looking out my window at the sky and thinking to myself "God did you put me here as a joke? Is this entertainment for you?" And since then I never thought of God the same. The God I knew would never ever allow his child to be put in harms way over and over again, to be set up for misery in life.

Now I have a different perspective on the higher power and I'm beginning to believe that maybe my souls purpose was to commit suicide, maybe for a greater purpose, or maybe as a lesson to others that I don't know. All I know is that suicide has been on my mind my whole entire life, the circumstances that enter my life cause me to believe that suicide is my only choice at relief and the only time I've ever felt truly happy and relief from depression and anxiety is when I made a plan and set a date to kill myself.

and I could be entirely wrong on my assumptions but that is how I feel inside.

 

[Supersadmommy90]

Interesting post ! Earth is a prison and the demonic realm is annexed to it . Summoning a demon is not really difficult if someone has a mind to do so ,though I'd dissuade anyone attempting this . Demonic realm has an hierarchy and it has been severely impacted , few people know of this !

Couldn't agree more about the annexed territory bit. We really are stuck on this earth with these filthy, rotten., damned spirits that love to poke at us with their three-pronged forks. Fending these things off requires constant vigilance and in fact, we are in a spiritual war with these things every day that is just truly spiritually exhausting. In fact I think sometimes even the desire to ctb is a demonic suggestion being whispered in my ear. The demons of hell would rejoice the day that I died by my own hand and that is another thing restraining me. I don't want to give the demonic realm the satisfaction that their torment got to me and wore me down. Even though it has. Living in defiance of my desire to die is like a sacrificial gift to God. Even though I don't deserve happiness per se, I still believe God has purposes and desires for me to continue living. I'm just, at the point in this race of life where I've been running and running, and my muscles are starting to seize and cramp up, my pace is lagging, I'm starting to jog-hop with a limp, and my stamina is sputtering out in a serious way. I'm at the point where I am looking to God to throw me a towel and a bottle of water and a place to just rest from the relentless nature of the things I am going through. I've already made it over halfway, I just need for him to restore my will to see through the remainder of the mileage so that my knees don't buckle and my legs give out from underneath me.

 

[OvertheRainbeaux]

Couldn't agree more about the annexed territory bit. We really are stuck on this earth with these filthy, rotten., damned spirits that love to poke at us with their three-pronged forks. Fending these things off requires constant vigilance and in fact, we are in a spiritual war with these things every day that is just truly spiritually exhausting. In fact I think sometimes even the desire to ctb is a demonic suggestion being whispered in my ear. The demons of hell would rejoice the day that I died by my own hand and that is another thing restraining me. I don't want to give the demonic realm the satisfaction that their torment got to me and wore me down. Even though it has. Living in defiance of my desire to die is like a sacrificial gift to God. Even though I don't deserve happiness per se, I still believe God has purposes and desires for me to continue living. I'm just, at the point in this race of life where I've been running and running, and my muscles are starting to seize and cramp up, my pace is lagging, I'm starting to jog-hop with a limp, and my stamina is sputtering out in a serious way. I'm at the point where I am looking to God to throw me a towel and a bottle of water and a place to just rest from the relentless nature of the things I am going through. I've already made it over halfway, I just need for him to restore my will to see through the remainder of the mileage so that my knees don't buckle and my legs give out from underneath me.

Wow you and Skyview have given me a whole new perspective to look at. Do you think that if we were to CTB we would become trapped in the demonic realm with no escape?

 

[Supersadmommy90]

Yeah I definitely have felt where you're coming from, it's actually one of the main reasons I stopped being religious. I mean I was never really religious to begin with but I was raised in the Catholic Church, with religious family members, and went to CCD, was baptized, had my first communion so you'd think I would have a lot of faith in God... well with all the trauma I've dealt with just like you I felt punished by God. I remember one time as a kid running upstairs into my room and crying looking out my window at the sky and thinking to myself "God did you put me here as a joke? Is this entertainment for you?" And since then I never thought of God the same. The God I knew would never ever allow his child to be put in harms way over and over again, to be set up for misery in life.

Now I have a different perspective on the higher power and I'm beginning to believe that maybe my souls purpose was to commit suicide, maybe for a greater purpose, or maybe as a lesson to others that I don't know. All I know is that suicide has been on my mind my whole entire life, the circumstances that enter my life cause me to believe that suicide is my only choice at relief and the only time I've ever felt truly happy and relief from depression and anxiety is when I made a plan and set a date to kill myself.

and I could be entirely wrong on my assumptions but that is how I feel inside.

I have felt this way too, 100% understand. I've also looked up at the sky and asked God "really? Is this really what I have and what I'm supposed to live with?".... As I mentioned I can't go on for too much longer under the present circumstances. Something has got to give, it's going to either have to be my circumstances or else I'm worried that it will end up being me. God knows how traumatized I am. I'm not even necessarily like, a strong person who would be able to put up with the amount of trauma and dysfunction that have been my due. God made me a very sensitive person and he knows I'm deeply affected by the things I'm living with. So, if nothing changes and nothing changes, then would it really surprise him if I took my life? Would he punish me for doing so, over and above the punishments in lifeI've already felt and tasted? I have a hard time imagining that God hates me that much, lol.... My hope is that he would be understanding and forgive my weakness, and accept me in the afterlife, even if he had to do so prematurely or with reluctance... IDK. I think about these things a lot. Thank you for your insight.

Wow you and Skyview have given me a whole new perspective to look at. Do you think that if we were to CTB we would become trapped in the demonic realm with no escape?

In all honesty, no. I don't think God is that cruel. For instance, think of Katelyn Nichole Davis and the way she pleaded for God to forgive her in her final moments before she hung herself. Do you remember that? I do, I think about it all the time. How she said "I'm sorry God, I'm sorry everyone that I let this depression get to me." She was a lot more innocent than me, mind you. But she was also very tortured by demons, and probably abused and neglected by her family and by others, and in that moment of weakness she was overcome by the forces of darkness. But is she in hell now? I highly, highly doubt that. Having said that, I do think God looks at these things on a case by case basis, not everyone might get off the hook so easily. God knows our circumstances and the way that we feel, he knows what we are up against, he knows how frail the mortal coil is, like Paul said there is nothing sound in my flesh, I do that which I know I should not do, and that which I should do I don't do... Paraphrasing here. Anyway, there is a lot more to life than the way it ends. God looks at the whole picture. Suicide probably is sinful in many cases, we are murdering ourselves after all, and murder is a sin. However, there are a lot worse sins being committed every day by people who go on living to commit more sins, and worse sins, than killing oneself. Really, in the grand scheme of things, snuffing yourself out is just a drop in the bucket of what is actually wrong in this world. With all of the demonic torment on steroids run amok going on, it's surprising to me that it doesn't happen more often. If and when I do ctb I will pray for God's forgiveness and acceptance beforehand. It's a terrible bet to have to place but in that moment of horror, blinded by our limited human vision, we have to make the call for ourselves.

 

[alizee]

You don't have free will so nothing was your fault. Everything is cause & effect called determinism. The religious nonsense makes people assume they have free will "as they were given it" from god. In fact nobody can prove free will is a real thing and research shows contrary. The whole notion of you having the ability to choose anything is silly.

 

[Supersadmommy90]

You don't have free will so nothing was your fault. Everything is cause & effect called determinism. The religious nonsense makes people assume they have free will "as they were given it" from god. In fact nobody can prove free will is a real thing and research shows contrary. The whole notion of you having the ability to choose anything is silly.

This is very, very interesting. Determinism. When I look back at some of my more regrettable decisions it seems obvious to me that there is no alternate reality or way that I would have chosen anything besides what I actually chose, despite the eventual consequences thereof. At the time I was completely engrossed and possessed by that particular course of action, as if by some kind of supernatural predetermination. I really have to scratch my head and wonder why my life was meant to be this fucked up. Lol!

 

[purplemoon]

This ended up being a very thoughtful and helpful reply, thank you. Very interesting regarding your NDE and life review. I have always lived in anticipation of this myself, and it has been something that has restrained me from ctb, probably one of the strongest things stopping me actually has been the fear of not doing everything on earth God wanted me here to do, and the severity of that I find scary. I know that when I die I will instantaneously land in the hot seat and the scrolls will be opened, it is appointed to men once to die and then after this the judgement. I look at death as an appointment. It's best not to rush this appointment and to let God decide the date. If I ctb, I'm not sure that God will take kindly to me abandoning my earthly duties, since like yourself I'm a soul with a lot on my plate here on earth. There are things I believe God wants me to do that will take at least another 15 years to accomplish before I could reasonably think of bowing out with minimal repercussions. I've already asked and pleaded for God to bail me out one last time, as in, to give me a new lease on life where I can at least go through my days in a state of relative emotional stability. Right now I am reeling from over a year and a half's worth of emotional trauma that has yet to be healed or resolved. I'm begging God to give me a break one last time, even though I made my bed and I deserve to lay in it, I just don't know if I'll survive laying in it for too much longer if nothing changes.

I am still holding out hope that it will and cutting myself another 6-9 months worth of slack to try and turn this trajectory I am on around before I do anything too drastic.

I hope that God forgives me and heals my life out of his goodness, because it certainly wouldn't be out of mine. Not that I have that power or ability even if I wanted to. Only God can rescue me from my present circumstances, no human can.

I absolutely know the demonic realm is real and exists. I have had too many supernatural life experiences (not necessarily good ones) and suffered too much demonic torture personally to see it any differently. They've been having their way with me and treating me like their rag doll for month and months and I'm completely fucking sick and fed up with it.

Like I said I hope things get better.

Thank you and God bless you too.

Thank you, and I understand and agree that it is important to make sure that you're in a good place spiritually while you're still in your body to be presentable to God.

i'm not sure what you did that you think was wrong to do, and you certainly don't have to tell anyone, but regardless I would say just remember the following:

if you did anything cruel to someone who was kind to you, you are right to be worried. Somehow communicate with that person that not only are you sorry you caused any suffering to them, but that you learned and to honor that person's pain you're going to contribute and volunteer some of your own personal energy to either make things better for them, or if that's not possible, to make things better to an equivalent person that is suffering. It's almost like shifting the energy in a balancing act.

Make sure that you have fully rehabilitated yourself spiritually, and the act of confession to God isn't just emotional for us, it does something spiritually somehow. I don't claim to know every single answer to everything obviously, but I know that much to be sure.

for me, I was told that I will be sent back into my body however many times it takes, over and over again, which has already happened with previous attempts after the first successful one. Each time I am basically told that, you have to go back and finish. No matter how tired I am.
I was told that if I'm ever allowed to stay then it means that I have completed my work. So for me anyway, I'm not worried that much.

It will either work or it won't again. God said (during my NDE) that he would send one of his other children to intervene or prevent it from happening as i argued with him, and he would just sabotage future attempts in general. Which indeed he has. One time it wasn't even a person, it was a dog, a giant dog. Completely surprising and even funny in a way.

maybe God will do the same for you, I don't know. It's all very complicated and difficult for the human brain to understand, you're not the only one. We just don't understand how it all works.

I know and understand people would say that's BS and there's no such thing, but regardless, it really is true whether we agree with it or like it.
God is also a much more decent and better alternative to Succumbing to the sadistic demons out there that roam around the world and work through people's weaknesses.

Anyway best of luck to you.

 

[Skyview]

Wow you and Skyview have given me a whole new perspective to look at. Do you think that if we were to CTB we would become trapped in the demonic realm with no escape?

When someone departs the earth demons can try to intervene, emphasis on TRY though they never succeed. You have guardians who will protect you so that your journey is completed . It's quite funny in a way , when you throw a ball the dog runs and retrieves it , demons are alike in that they chase after a soul , it's what they do . As I stated they never succeed.
Through time I got to know someone , was well aware of my experiences and she opened up and told me that she was part of a coven and left the coven immediately after they summoned someone powerful. The person they summoned , let's call her Lillith, arrived in anger and demanded to know why they summoned her . For those who don't know , Lillith is one of the top three in the demonic realm , my friend was terrified and that meeting changed her life . She is now a pagan , deeply spiritual .

 

[Circlingthedrain]

I dont believe in a god, mayswell be honest. But I genuinely believe religion can be a beautiful thing. The idea of religion vs science genuinely disgusts me. I'm not religious, not close. I think science or religion can be beautiful. But people do suffer, its just a fact of life. I don't blame God. I don't blame evolution. It doesnt matter to me. I hope there is a god to forgive my sins . I really do.