Venting PTSD making me want to off myself

[Darrenloses]

Anyone else in the same boat. I have constant intrusive thoughts of shit that happened 8-10 years ago, always playing it back in my head and sometimes trying to re-enact them a different way. I wish I could rewind and change things.

When it comes to the day where I consume SN I'll send my dad a hate filled text or go out there and get a battery charge, he ties in with the PTSD... I'm allowed to be bitter in my final hours.

 

[muffin222]

You're not alone. I have CPTSD from multiple traumas and abuse in childhood and adulthood as well. It's hell trying to navigate day-to-day life when your mind and body constantly force you back into the past over and over again. You have every right to be bitter and angry over whatever trauma you've had to endure. No one deserves this disease. I'm sorry you're suffering

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

Yep pretty much. The wanting to ctb gets worse the more memories from my childhood comes back. I get triggered damn near every week now. The other day I was in a corner cowering. This is not living for me.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Yes. It's 2:30 am, and I can't sleep because of intrusive thoughts due to my latest trauma. I have to work in the morning, and this shit happens almost every night. I hate the person who did this to me more than I've ever hated anyone.

 

[Soulless Angel]

My brain never shuts off due to c-ptsd, it likes to rewind and replay so muhc shit that I would rather it didn't!

 

[Sherri]

My brain never shuts off due to c-ptsd, it likes to rewind and replay so muhc shit that I would rather it didn't!

The only way I shut my brain is by taking lots of sleeping pills.

 

[Soulless Angel]

The only way I shut my brain is by taking lots of sleeping pills.

I can't take pills, been prescribed Phenergan elixir to help me sleep though today in liquid form, no idea if its any good though

 

[Sherri]

I can't take pills, been prescribed Phenergan elixir to help me sleep though today in liquid form, no idea if its any good though

My brain doesn't shut off so I'll take ambien , Xanax, flurazepam all at once, and sometimes not even that does it. I have to leave the bed and pop some more. It's sad I know...

 

[Pho3nix]

I can totally relate to this. I have CPTSD due to both parents abusing me and keep re-living traumas that happened years ago. I even keep re-living the trauma of when I was 3 years old and my shithead dad was cruel to me. Due to what the toxic "mother" put me through I can't look at mothers holding their kids without having flashbacks. I wish I could erase my memory but it's a daily struggle and one reason for me wanting to CTB (among many).

 

[Sherri]

I can totally relate to this. I have CPTSD due to both parents abusing me and keep re-living traumas that happened years ago. I even keep re-living the trauma of when I was 3 years old and my shithead dad was cruel to me. Due to what the toxic "mother" put me through I can't look at mothers holding their kids without having flashbacks. I wish I could erase my memory but it's a daily struggle and one reason for me wanting to CTB (among many).

I was abused also at 10. You're not alone.

 

[k75]

I'm sorry you all have to deal with this. I have diagnosed PTSD. Mine isn't from abuse, but it's really awful. I have obtrusive thoughts all the time, and my flashbacks manifest as nightmares.

I sleep a lot to escape life, but I wake frequently with panic attacks because of my dreams. They're usually super vivid memories, and it takes awhile to realize it's not happening to me right now. Instead of fading over time, they seem to get more intense. So I can't escape, plus I'm never really rested.

I have a Prazosin prescription to help with the dreams, but I don't bother with it much anymore. I keep filling it in case I want it later, but I just don't even want to bother right now.

I also spend a lot of time ruminating and rewriting the past in my head. I know it's impossible to change, but that doesn't seem to matter to my brain.

I can't take pills, been prescribed Phenergan elixir to help me sleep though today in liquid form, no idea if its any good though

I loooove phenergan. Sadly, the only time I'm ever lucky enough to be prescribed it is when I'm suffering a pancreatitis attack.

 

[Soulless Angel]

I loooove phenergan. Sadly, the only time I'm ever lucky enough to be prescribed it is when I'm suffering a pancreatitis attack.

I didn't take any last night, I read side effects such as anxiety, weight gain etc etc and I'm like nope..... then laid awake most the night second guessing it all

 

[k75]

I didn't take any last night, I read side effects such as anxiety, weight gain etc etc and I'm like nope..... then laid awake most the night second guessing it all

It's not really a long term use kind of thing, so I wouldn't focus too much on most of that myself. Like weight gain? Probably not going to happen immediately... you'd have to use it awhile for that, and I suspect that might just be due to the fact that one use for the drug is it's a strong antiemetic. So it makes sense you might gain weight if you had a vomiting issue and then stopped throwing up everything. But definitely follow your gut!

My experience with it is in IV form. But every time I get it, it knocks me out within 60 seconds for hours. Which is what I love. I don't wake with my usual terrors every hour or so, and I don't feel groggy when I wake up. I have general anxiety disorder, so I'm always anxious, but I never noticed extra anxiety on it. Bonus is the anti-nausea properties, which is the real reason they give it to me. That with dilaudid are the only things that truly help me feel better physically, and it's so frustrating I have to practically be dying to ever get it.